Rethinking the Odds of Marriage Over 40

Oh sure. I remember the article well. In 1986 when Newsweek published "The Marriage Crunch" article which stated, in short that:

"white, college-educated women who failed to marry in their 20s faced abysmal odds of ever tying the knot."

To further quote, "According to the research, a woman who remained single at 30 had only a 20 percent chance of ever marrying. By 35, the probability dropped to 5 percent. In the story's most infamous line, Newsweek reported that a 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry."

I was 19 then and seemed to know even then that I'd marry later in life. It wasn't that I didn't believe in marriage, it was just that... I knew there were so many things in life I wanted to do first. Like:

• meet friends that I didn't go to high school with
• see how far working hard in corporate American would get me
• figure out my past as a child of an alcoholic enough to never repeat the same path
• find out which kind of people were really my friends
• understand why I could never relax
• embrace my nerdy, geeky personality
• write a book
• become confident
• understand what love really is
• grow up
• get a clue

Silly me. Other people around me seemed to know I'd marry later, also. They'd constantly ask me about my boyfriends, if I had them or didn't, instead of what I was doing with my life. My biggest joke at the time was that if I had won the Pulitzer Prize my grandma would probably nod for a moment and then ask, "So do you have a boyfriend yet, Cherie?"

Well of course I had boyfriends. I dated lots of the wrong guys over the years. Dating was kind of an adventure for me. But I never was in a place in my life where I thought "this is it" and knew I was going to get married. I've heard it said that you have to meet the right person at the right time in your life. My husband and I would agree on this one. Both of us, in looking back at how many places we had potentially had the chance to meet over the years, realized we'd probably bumped into each other several times. We realized after we got married that we were even both at the same exact spot years ago, and in all likelihood met and even spoke to one another, when he was only 18 and still in high school.

And yet, why didn't we really "meet"? Why didn't we date then and fall in love? We both continued to date the wrong people over the years, and even as we tried to hold on to these not-good-for-us relationships, we knew there was probably someone "out there" who was going to be right for us. One day.

Dating the wrong people can be exceptionally helpful once you meet the right one. My husband was amazed at how "normal" our relationship was and continues to be. He didn't think this was possible given the women he dated and knew.

As soon as I met my husband I felt like I could be completely myself. Not an easy thing for women. We always feel we need to hold up a front, not act too independent or come off too needy. With my husband, I didn't feel any of these things. I didn't need to. I was completely myself and felt an acceptance that I didn't feel with other people.

We continued to hang out at the same places over the years... and yet we'd never actually met. Or had we? Perhaps we'd smiled and had small talk at some local bar... stood next to each other at a concert... or sat side by side in a bookstore... without even knowing it.

Do I look back and wish I'd met my husband the very first time I probably bumped into him?

No.

I doubt things would have worked out the same for us. We both had "miles and miles to go" before we were finally in the right place in our lives to meet.

As women we work hard to be the very best at everything we do and we're told anything is possible. So if we don't have the marriage or the kids or the career at the exact moment as everyone else, we have society and newspapers and even other women telling us to hurry up! What are we waiting for!

And perhaps that's the lesson we learn from the 1986 Newsweek article. You can't put "odds" on when you'll meet and marry your soul mate because the path will be different for us all. Perhaps it's a matter of faith, and of trusting your life to something bigger than you.

So if you're a 20-something gal reading this right now and are asked about when you are ever going to marry.... simply answer that you'll do it when and if the time is right. And then go about your life... and LIVE.

http://www.singlescafe.net/marriage-over-40.html?authorname=Cherie%20Burbach

Dating Tips for Workaholics

When I first began Internet dating, I was a marketing director for one of Milwaukee's largest construction firms, I went to school full-time, and I was working on publishing a book of poetry. And yet, I wondered, why hadn't I met the right person yet? It never dawned on me that my crazy, frenetic schedule could possibly be the reason.

I approached Internet dating like another work project. Soon I was emailing and meeting new guys on a very frequent basis. Of course, I always met them somewhere convenient and quick, a coffee shop as my favorite place. I could pop in, chat for an hour (which was always my personal rule) and then be on my way. It was merely another meeting I mentally checked off my ever-growing list of to-do's.

And sure, the occasional guy would gripe because I'd have to reschedule our dates... and reschedule... and then sometimes, cancel. But hey, I figured, if he can't understand that I'm a busy girl with a life of my own then he wasn't worth his salt. Right?

It wasn't until I had met one man via email, who was slightly older than me, with kids and a business he started up and had recently expanded. He sounded smart and interesting and I was intrigued by his emails. Finally the day came when we agreed to meet. I scheduled the date on my calendar for the next week, but as the date approached I realized there was no way I'd be able to make the time and called him to cancel. He was gracious and we continued to talk on the phone, each time I was anxious to get him off the line because I figured I'd have time to get to know him once we met. We scheduled another date and I had to cancel that was as well - a last minute proposal had popped up at my desk courtesy of my unable-to-please boss.

I'm ashamed to say I rescheduled our date three more times. Then finally, finally a couple weeks later I met him right before Christmas. I had taken the day off work but was going in to "catch up" on last minute paperwork. I agreed to meet him for a quick cup of coffee on my way in.

He was handsome and funny and I liked him immediately. Then he said something that made me stop in my tracks, the needle loudly screeching off the soundtrack of my busy life.

It was said in an amusing, not condescending or rude, way. No doubt my mouth hung open as I said, "Huh?"

Perhaps from his own experience, he said, "You my dear, are a workaholic."

I tried to tell him, it wasn't me, it was my stupid job... but he shook his head, instead challenging me to go out with him on a real date as soon as Christmas was over and then not change or cancel. He left it with me.

Try and I might, I never really found the time, and when a month had passed, I was too embarrassed to call him. I got his point, however, and wondered how many times I'd given this same runaround to other men. I saw my life in a different light, and vowed to change my ways.

As it happened, that change was made for me as I was abruptly let go from my job.

I found it ironic that the job I'd given so much energy to (not to mention 60-plus hours a week) would discard me so easily. And when I looked my life I saw I had nothing left. I continued going to school, and spent some time working on my book. But there was a change in me. I took things at a slower pace.

I continued Internet dating and this time approached it with more patience. Three weeks later I went on a date with a man that was running late. He called me to let me know and instead of just canceling or rescheduling I hung out and drank my tea and relaxed while I waited. As if by fate, my original date, the one who'd claimed me the workaholic, popped in.

He laughed when he saw me, asked "how's the busy lady today?" and when I told him I lost my job he shook his head. I told him "I'm much different now" than when we went out and he looked at me a long moment before concluding that he believed that. He left just before my new date, Andy, showed up, and instead of my "hour and out" rule I stayed for three. We chatted, and in short, I married Andy a year later.

Would I have still met and married my husband if I'd had been the crazy workaholic girl from before? I doubt it. So for all you guys and gals that live with the die at your desk mentality, take note:

1) First Determine If You Are a Workaholic

Any kind of "aholic" works to fill an inner-need by filling it up with something else, and the first step is admitting you have a problem. If you are truly a workaholic you're probably putting aside your friends and potential mates in favor of work. Or, have you simply fallen into a pattern of working long hours? Did you wind up with a demanding boss and equally demanding clients and can't find enough hours in the day to satisfy them? Or are you working towards a promotion, and once you get it you'll be able to slow down? Or maybe you just like being busy. Once you determine the root of the issue you can work to correct it. If you feel like your boss doesn't understand maybe you'll have to get a new job. Or maybe you just need to learn to say "no" once in a while.

2) It's All About Priorities

I've heard it said that when someone tells you they are too busy to call, they are really telling you they don't have a priority to call you. As harsh as that may seem, it rings true as we get older and our lives become busier. Maybe you really don't need to work the hours you do, but you find it a good excuse to put off potential dates. If you don't want to meet a particular date, do you use work as your standby excuse? Do you find that you really do have time to do certain things and not others? Sure, work emergencies come up, but you need to realize that you are in control of your life. Not your boss.

3) Make Sure Your Attention Is On Your Date When You're With Them

Even if you have a demanding job, you're going to have to learn to balance your work and home life. And if you don't get this concept down, you won't have a home life to balance. So when you are with your date, pay attention. Listen. Acknowledge things they say and respond to them. Use the time you are with them to truly get to know them, instead of thinking of what you have to do back at work. Turn off that super-busy switch in your head and relax so they can get to know the real you. When you are at the office, take time during the day to email them and let them know you are thinking of them. Call them. In short, communicate. Yes, it will take effort on your part but all relationships do. And it's worth it.

4) Take Some Tips From Your Married Cohorts

If you're single you've probably noticed that sometimes married folks have a better deal when it comes to business emergencies. If a project required working late, my married coworkers would have real, honest-to-goodness obligations - picking up their kids from daycare, have to put dinner on, etc. Inevitably I would have to work late while I watched them leave on time each day. Was it fair? The married folks would probably say yes, but consider this - is your life less important? It can be hard to tell employers no when you don't have to pick up kids from childcare but just really need to get home and do wash. But don't be afraid to say no. You don't need to give an explanation, you can simply say, "I'm not available." Your time is just as valuable as the next person's.

5) Start Developing Your Life Outside of Work

If the majority of your friends are at work, you need to get out. (This goes double if the majority of your ex's are people you've met at the office.) Spend some time engaging in your hobbies (or finding some, if you've really been cooped up at the office.) Hanging out with non-work folks will broaden your horizons and help you to converse about things other than work. Don't you hate it when someone drones on and on about their job and can't talk about anything else? You might even meet someone cute and fun that you'll end up dating.

http://www.singlescafe.net/dating-tips-workaholics.html?authorname=Cherie%20Burbach

Understand How You Can Make Love Happen - Even Get A New Date!

Positive thinking is tiring and mentally exhausting if used incorrectly. If you are a positive thinker it doesn't mean life will be all perfect and smooth for you every single moment. Be a master of love by being able to summon the right thoughts and trigger the right feelings during that particular moment in life and in your relationship when you need it!

The "Secret" to success and love is to understand how the Universe works and how we can be " In Tune with the Infinite" and understand "How to flow" to the "Highest and Best".

Think of life as a "River" If you are flowing along and get blocked or stuck then you have gone in a direction that is counter to the movement of the flow.

You are like a "great oarsman" who steers your own ship in the sea of life to your Ultimate Destiny. You are the "Captain of Your Soul" and "Master of Your Fate". You job is to turn your "Dreams into Reality" and be one with your " Highest and Best Soulmate". As you flow with the "River of Life" you will be guided at all times to what is "highest and best" for you.

So if you encounter a block or a rejection then that is a "Message from the Great Universal Master Dream Machine" that you are to proceed differently or to pursue another person or direction.

Excellent salesmen, business people and those looking to create the life and relationships of their dreams when following divine guidance go through life experiencing rejections and reluctance, procrastination, frustration and disappointments every now and then but still achieve the results they want. Why? Because they know how to read the feedback and signs from their Soul and Universe.

You Divine Guidance from your Soul and the Universe speak to you in many ways. A block, or negative feeling, resistance or lack of comfort or energy are all just messages.

It would be nice if the Universe sent you an email or said in a clear voice "Hey this person isn't highest and best for you" or "Hey you need to learn better skills here". We don't always have a direct Auditory connection although some of us have easier and faster access to the "wee small voice" and "whispers of wisdom" from the Universe.

Those that succeed in Love and Life have developed the habit of thinking the right thoughts, asking the right questions within themselves, developing new ways of responding to the objections they get, and triggering that feelings which will serve them.

It's all about developing a Relationship with the Universe. It communicates with you in many ways. We have at least 4 Internal Channels that the Universe gives you direction through Intuitive Guidance. There are also several external ways the Universe gives you clear signs and directions for you " Highest and Best Good".

So, whether you are dating or already in a committed relationship, understand that you are bound to go through periods of times when there will be disagreements, disappointments, confusion, arguments, and quarrels.

Be a master of love by learning to snap out of these seemingly unhappy and energy-draining situations as quick as lava would flow out of a volcano. If you keep failing at getting your first date, or even having difficulty getting more dates after the first one, look at and understand the Bigger Picture. And welcome objections. This is the only way your partner can make it known to you what exactly he/she likes or doesn't like about you, SO you can improve on yourself!

Keep in mind that unconditional love is given without any expectations, limitations or any other definitions. In other words when you love someone unconditionally you do so without expectations that the sentiment will be returned, without placing restrictions or conditions under which the love will be expressed and without establishing defining parameters for when, where or why the love is felt or expressed. There are many examples of relationships where the love is unconditional. The love between romantic partners, parent and child, siblings and even friends can all be examples of unconditional love. The most important factors of unconditional love are that it is completely free of restrictions or expectations.

http://www.singlescafe.net/make-love-happen.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo

Top 5 Tips for Spotting Marriage Material This Christmas

Decking the halls alone this Christmas? Never fear! Single men ABOUND at the holidays - and, like you, they're looking for someone with whom to share the yuletide spirit.

You'd never guess it, but the holidays are one of the best times of year to be dating. Santa's wish list is chockfull of singles asking for Mr. or Miss Right. Even the most committed bachelor or bachelorette will be hard pressed to avoid thoughts of family with so many rosy-cheeked urchins underfoot. An active social calendar ensures that you'll bump into other singles. And there's just something about the holiday spirit (perhaps it's the mistletoe) that makes confessing your interest in Mr. Hottie as easy as pie.

So where can you find your dream man this holiday season? Here are 5 Tips for Spotting Marriage Material This Christmas.

1. Innocently discover yourself standing under the mistletoe - but not before you check who's standing there first.

2. Spare some sympathy for the bewildered Mr. Handsome standing helplessly in the middle of the very large, VERY crowded department store. Whisper conspiratorially, "It makes me want to give up and go get a coffee, too." If he confesses that he's looking for a present for his girlfriend/wife/partner, smile nicely and direct him to the customer service desk.

3. Dance with everyone, even old Uncle Fred. You never know who is watching you.

4. Show your civic spirit by attending your local Christmas Tree Lighting, Santa Parade, or Carols in the Park. Wear your cutest cap and brightest scarf and wink at any guy who catches your eye.

5. Volunteer at your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter on Christmas Day. Not only is there extra need for volunteers during this time of year, but you're more likely to meet other single, caring people who aren't tied to their families on this special day.

And last but not least...

http://www.singlescafe.net/spotting-marriage-material.html?authorname=Amy%20Waterman

Holiday Date Finder

How to Find a Fun Date Fast

It's not necessary to suffer from the holiday blues. This can be a happy time of year, even for singles. So what can you do to not feel lonely and to "beat the blues"?

Start by counting your blessings. Health, family, friends, food on the table - many in the world and even in our own communities don't have these basics. If you do, be thankful, give to your favorite charity, and consider all the advantages of being single (free to do what you want, when you want, no need to pick up your clothes (or his clothes), etc.).

But suppose you are single, and happy being so, but presently have no serious relationship? What can you do to find a fun date fast?

First, let's be clear that our purpose is to have fun. Finding a "life partner" fast is usually not realistic. Therefore in finding a holiday date it isn't necessary (or even desirable) to look for someone who is highly attractive to you or closely aligned with your requirements for a long term relationship. Should you happen to find your life partner during this season, consider it a lucky break, not an objective.

Second, it's important to be clear on what you want the holiday date for. Is it to accompany you to a business holiday party? Is it for New Year's Eve? Is it for sex? Is it to go to a movie? Different activities may indicate different "specifications" for your date.

Once you have settled on the specific activity or event that you wish to find a date for, then consider all the options regarding who and where to look. Here is a partial list of people and places you might not have thought of before:

1. Date your ex

It's not as crazy as you might think! If you have a cordial relationship with an ex, why not? You know each other well and know how to have fun together.

2. Date out of your league

We get so focused on finding "the one," wouldn't it be fun to take a break and date someone significantly older or younger, of a different race or gender, etc, than usual? Remember, this doesn't have to be someone you would choose for long term, so why not date someone dramatically different from your usual pattern?

3. Date a family member or friend

Wouldn't it be nice to have fun with one of your kids, your brother or sister, mother or father, or a friend? Take this opportunity to have fun with them and get to know them better by breaking your usual pattern with them and go out to a dinner and play, etc.

4. Date a loser

Search personal ads for the most pathetic lost soul you can find who would be happy to go out for a little fun and let loose, knowing it's a one-time thing. Someone who you wouldn't ordinarily consider dating in a million years. Who knows? You might have fun and learn something about yourself and the human race.

5. Post a contest on Craig's List

Post a "Win a date with me!" contest. Entrants submit a description of what they propose to do on their date with you, and you choose the one that seems the most fun. Remember, this is for fun, NOT for the purpose of finding a long term relationship!

6. Place a newspaper ad

This can be an alternative to "Craig's List" for those who want to run a contest but are not internet savvy. Or it could be a window to "dating out of your league." Whatever you decide to do, make it for fun.

6. Try an escort service

If you're in a hurry, and don't mind the cost, you can "rent" a date. You think nothing of renting a car when you don't have one, so why not do the same for a date? Remember that escorts are people too, may offer a perspective you wouldn't otherwise have, and can be a lot of fun!

7. Go to church

This is the right time of year to renew your religious beliefs, or to try new ones. Almost all neighborhoods have churches, many churches have singles groups, and churches are usually very welcoming to strangers. Choose a denomination that works for you.

8. Ask friends or family to set you up

Yes, I know, blind dates don't usually work out. But we are talking here about having fun. Your network certainly knows lots of single people, many of whom would also be happy to have a fun date for the holidays. Let me stress again that it is not necessary for these dates to be serious or have long-term potential.

9. Make an inventory of holiday activities

Become the expert on what's going on in your area over the holidays. As the "Fountain of Information," you will become the center of conversation. If you bring up an idea that they like, maybe they will invite YOU to go! Or if you get a "green light" from someone you are mildly interested in, you can invite them.

10. Join a dating service

Maybe this is just the "Christmas present" you have been wanting to give yourself but hadn't yet identified in your mind. Whether it is an online dating service such as Match.com or an in-person service such as Great Expectations, one advantage is instant exposure. But don't try to find your match over the holidays; that will just increase stress and disappointment. Find a date and have fun!

My thanks to contributing author David Steele, founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute. His book, Conscious Dating, can be seen at www.loveisnotagame.com/books.htm.

http://www.singlescafe.net/find-a-date-fast.html?authorname=Randy%20Hurlburt

The Top 5 Tips For Finding Love This Holiday Season

If there's one month that's great for hitting on beautiful babes, it's December. Think about it: cold weather designed for snuggling and intimacy, the festive holiday season, the romance involved in sharing Christmas and New Year's together. What woman WOULDN'T want to have a guy by her side during the holidays?!? It's the "Love Actually" lesson--everyone wants to be with someone come the holidays.

So it's up to you to take advantage of this special time. Use the following 10 techniques to find your dream girl NOW. You may just have a Merry Christmas...AND a happy New Year...

1. Throw a Holiday Party. This is a great way of attracting women. If there's one thing that gets women emotionally and physically excited during the season of good cheer, it's a man who surrounds himself with people during a festive time. It gives them the security that this man will show them a good time, and surround her with people so that she's never alone. An important lesson to remember with women: They need to have a man for special times like Christmas. No woman wants to be alone, so by asserting yourself as the man who has lots of people around him, you automatically establish yourself as a desirable candidate. They automatically associate the positive vibes from the holiday season with YOU, and from there anything can happen.

So invite everyone you can think of--your friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances--to a holiday get-together. Play some festive holiday music, have some holiday treats ready (cookies, eggnog, candy canes, etc.), and even dress up as Santa. Have a "Naughty" and "Nice" list, and promise the girls a good spanking if they're naughty. Women LOVE this. If things go well, you may even have the girls in "Santa's Private Sleigh."

2. Ask Her If She's Been Naughty or Nice (and Other Teases). Continuing from the previous tip, make the most of the whole "naughty or nice" gimmick. Women LOVE a man who will excite them emotionally, who won't slave over them but present HIMSELF as the judge of whether she's suitable. Make it a big game: If she's too nice, she's boring and can't have you--unless she "tones up" her act. If she's too naughty, then she needs to be meted out punishment--and you'll be the one to give it to her (subtly excluding all the other guys as the party, and making THEM look too nice). Either way, you come out a winner. This is my favorite technique for finding love, and it works because teasing is a technique that is great for attracting women--a lesson I go into heavy detail in in my online course.

3. Spread Some Holiday Cheer on the Dance Floor. Teasing is a great way to show you don't take girls too seriously. Dancing is a great way of showing you don't take life too seriously. Even if you suck at dancing, the fact that you go out there and have a good time will impress women big-time. They love a man who can have fun and enjoy the holiday season. Going out there and having the time of your life dancing shows a woman that you will show her a good time during the cheery season. And in the end, that's what they really want. So have fun, loosen up, and ask a woman to dance. If she sees you're having a good time, believe me, she'll want to join you--in more ways than one. Seriously!

4. Talk to Miss Lonely. While at any party--your own, a work party, a club-hosted holiday party, whatever--be sure to take advantage of my old "Love Actually" lesson: NOBODY wants to be alone during the holidays! So if you see a girl standing/sitting by herself or looking miserable at a holiday party, be the "knight in shining armor" who goes up to her and cheers her up. Tell her a joke, comment on the party, even tease her with "C'mon, it's the Christmas season, you can't possibly be sitting here all by yourself!" Women love a man who cheers them up, and if you can take her from a negative state of mind to a positive one, believe me, she won't forget that. Just be the man who lifts her mood, and you'll be sure to see her again.

5. Use the Mistletoe/Midnight! Finally, never underestimate the power of the mistletoe and the strike of midnight on New Year's. Both are amazing props for setting up a first kiss; nothing compares. They work especially well with women you've had at least a few minutes of quality chat with. You won't want to use it right away--build up the suspense for an especially good kiss--but once you sense things are going well, "conveniently" position yourselves under the Mistletoe. Don't even hide the fact that it's an obvious ploy; play it up: "WOW, we've somehow managed to land ourselves under the mistletoe. How did THAT happen?" Believe me, if you add enough humor and charm--and you don't need a lot--then women will be glad to comply.

The same goes with the strike of midnight on New Year's Eve. I met my present girlfriend two years ago on New Year's Eve, using this very technique. We had talked for hours that day, but once 11 pm hit, I unabashedly told her, "Can I tell you a secret?" As women LOVE secrets, she enthusiastically responded "Yes!" So I told her, "It's only one hour til midnight, and I have no one to kiss. I'm thinking you can help me out..." This of course made her laugh, but more importantly gave her an "excuse" to want to kiss me on New Year's. By playing sly and making it KNOWN that I wanted to kiss her, I gained her respect and, even better, her assent to a great New Year's Kiss. You can do the same, just by presenting your find with your "problem" and asking HER to be a part of the solution. As long as you keep your cool and say it with a grin, she'll be more than happy to help you with your "problem." And hopefully give you a VERY happy New Year!

Congratulations! You're on your way to a great holiday season. Remember these five tips:

• Throw a holiday party
• Ask her if she's been naughty or nice (and other teasing)
• Spread Holiday Cheer on the Dance Floor
• Talk to Miss Lonely
• Take advantage of the Mistletoe and New Year's Midnight

and you're bound to have a great holiday season. Have fun, and good luck!

And don't forget, if you want to learn more about making yourself unforgettable to women during the holidays or the rest of the year, visit my website at "How to Be Irresistible to Women."

http://www.singlescafe.net/finding-love-holiday-season.html?authorname=James%20Brito

What Women Don't Love About Men and How You Can Do Better

If you're trying to discern what women want, it's probably a good idea to first get a grasp on what they don't want. Instead of analyzing what women love about men, let's take a look at what they don't love about men - and how you can use this information to your advantage.

Insecurity

When playing the dating game, don't get too crafty. Women dislike a man who attempts to woo them with meaningless flattery but, even worse, they hate it when men fail to show interest at all. There's such a thing as being too cool. As unfair as it may be, women are used to being pursued, and that means you have to be the pursuer. So abandon your insecurities and ask her out, already! This doesn't mean you should immediately pour your heart out to her, overwhelming her with your every little thought about her lips, her eyes and the 14 children you imagining having together. Save something for your follow-up dates and be complimentary, but controlled, during your first few dates.

Confidence is one of the personality traits that women admire most in a man, so if you have the confidence to put yourself on the line and take risks, that's enormously attractive. If you're sure of yourself, a woman will be sure that it's a good idea to be in a relationship with you. It's as simple as that. Women often adore the shy wallflower, but not if he's too insecure to make a move.

Insecurity can work against you on another level, as well. If you're insecure in a relationship, exhibiting jealousy when your partner talks to other men or always moaning that you're not good enough, you'll drive her away - probably into the arms of someone more confident.

The boring nice guy

Women value spontaneity in a man. They like those enigmatic guys - the ones who'll surprise them. This is probably why so many women seem to inexplicably fall for "bad boys" - it's not that they want to get hurt (although that's often the result) but they enjoy the excitement of being with someone who keeps things from getting dull. So don't get locked into that daily routine too easily. So don't be too predictable - instead of giving her the usual chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day, surprise her with a home-cooked meal. Make an unexpected visit to her workplace. Buy her a puppy. Whatever you do, just be creative and keep her guessing!

Dishonesty

This is probably not too surprising - no one likes a dishonest partner. Women want to be treated with respect, and that means telling her the truth. So if you take her out on a date but don't see the relationship going anywhere, don't tell her you'll call her - tell her, nicely, that she's terrific but you don't think you should keep seeing each other. Communication is important, whether on a first date or after five years of marriage. Honesty is both ethical and considerate. Just as you hate it when she tries to get you to read her mind, don't expect that she can read yours.

Honesty is even more important if you hope for the relationship to last for the long term. If you lie to your partner, you're dooming your relationship. Even during the break-up stage, a women deserve honesty. Don't feed her cliches - just tell her the truth of why you feel it's best to end the relationship.

Laziness

Not the kind of laziness that means you lounge around on the couch all weekend watching sports, although many women find that distasteful, too. No, the laziness we're talking about is the kind you exhibit when you dismiss her feelings as irrational or the result of her period. If she's upset about something, take the time to discuss it with her. Don't brush off her by blaming them on her menstrual cycle. Engage in open, honest communication about issues that come up in your relationship - don't make her do all the heavy lifting by making her responsible for all the emotional work. If you don't take genuine interest in her concerns, it makes her feel like you're disinterested in her as a person.

Hygiene

Women are expected to make themselves physically attractive. From their hair and makeup to shaving, plucking and waxing, they go through a lot to look and smell their best - so it shouldn't be too much to ask that you make an effort, too. Go to the gym, shave every day, and make sure you wear deodorant. Paying attention to your own grooming not only shows that you value yourself, but that you care about how you present yourself to her.

Different women find different things distasteful, of course - women are individuals, after all. While these tips are a good general guideline, the best way to know what turns a woman off is to ask her. Be well-groomed, honest and spontaneous, and you're off to a great start with any woman.

http://www.singlescafe.net/what-women-do-not-love.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo

Top 5 'Bridget Jones Moments' to Avoid This Holiday Season

It's that Special Time of Year! Time to tangle yourself in Christmas lights, indulge with eggnog, and deck the house with wrapping paper scraps and bows that have lost their stickiness.

Being a single woman over the holidays is a task for the mightiest of heroines. You must navigate the minefield of Christmas parties, deflect questions about your commitment to producing grandchildren, and avoid the temptation to sneak just one more holiday chocolate into your purse for later.

Yes, it takes resolve of steel, but luckily, with these tips, you'll be a bit better prepared than Bridget Jones.

1. Swap sparkling water for champagne - at least every other glass.

There's nothing sexier than a woman twirling a slender glass sparkling with golden bubbles. Swap the champagne for sparkling water, and few will notice the difference. You'll cut down on the empty calories, stay sober and bright-eyed until the party's end, and wake up the next day no worse for the wear. Treat your body well this holiday season.

2. Holiday fashions can be disastrous, even on the most perfect body. So when you're picking out an outfit for that holiday party, be wary of the following:

• Anything shiny, sparkly, or with sequins;
• Anything featuring Santas, reindeer, or elves;
• Anything involving velvet and white cuffs; and
• ANYTHING that jingles or sings on command.

3. Don't be the grinch.

Whether or not you think Christmas is an excess of consumerism, a pagan holiday, or simply an annoying interjection in your peaceful and quiet life, don't give into the temptation to bring everyone else down. Radiate joy and goodwill to all men. (And here's another tip: a holiday spirit is highly attractive.)

4. Keep a firm grip on your emotions.

Yes, I know: it's hard being single during the holidays. It's hard being in a rocky relationship, too, especially if you don't know whether or not you'll last past New Year's. It's hard being married and arguing over which group of parents to visit and how much to spend on presents. The holidays stress out EVERYONE, so whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that everyone is in the same boat.

The best cure for the holiday blues is to focus on your connection with others. Give a friend a hand with her Christmas preparations. Take your mother out for coffee and watch the antics at the indoor ice rink. Offer to babysit friends' children so that they can go Christmas shopping. By the time Christmas comes, you'll be so full of love for those around you that you'll be amazed to realize that you haven't dreamed about Mr. Right for weeks.

5. Enjoy the party.

And when I say, "Enjoy the PARTY," I mean it! Don't talk to one person with half your attention while you case the crowd for single possibilities. Don't decide that the party was a waste or a winner based on whether or not you exchanged phone numbers. Don't cast longing glances at the object of your admiration. Focus on enjoying yourself with the people around you. Be present in the moment, not stuck in your expectations. I promise you that not only will you have a lot more fun, but you'll actually attract single guys to you without batting an eye.

And if Bridget Jones would have known all THAT ... well, there's no way she would have wasted her time with Daniel Cleaver.

Happy Holidays from all of us here at 000Relationships.com. Ho ho ho!

http://www.singlescafe.net/moments-to-avoid.html?authorname=Amy%20Waterman

How To Tell If You Have Chemistry

When you're attracted to someone, you might realize it right from the start. They make you feel special or they make your face curl into a smile each time they're around. You can't explain it, but you can feel it right into your toes. But are these feelings enough to tell if you have the right chemistry or not? Here's what you should be looking for:

How do you feel when they are around?

Whenever you are around a certain person, take a personal inventory of how you feel. Are you happy or are you less than happy? Try to figure out how you are feeling each time they walk into the room. Are you excited to see them and feel anxious to talk to them and be in their presence? The more positive you feel about the way this person makes you feel, the more chemistry you will have.

How do you feel when they are not around?

You don't want to feel like you can't go on, but do you feel like something is missing when the person in question is not around? Do you somehow feel like you're not having as much fun as you could if they were? When the person isn't around, you should be feeling a little less than happy. You might feel like you want them to be around you right then and that everything would be better if they were with you.

How do they feel when you're around?

This is a trickier thing to measure as you can never really tell what someone is feeling unless you ask them. But there are subtle clues a person may be giving off that can show you whether they enjoy your company or not.

• Open body language - If they are trying to face you to talk to you, keeping their arms uncrossed and not crossing any other part of their body, it shows that they want to remain open to you and to whatever you are saying. This is a good sign that they are attracted to you.


• Eye contact - While the other person shouldn't be leering at you, making direct eye contact when they are speaking to you and when they are listening to you is a great way to tell if you have chemistry or not.


• Increased pupil dilation - This is a little harder to tell, but if you're making eye contact with them, you will see that this happens. The black part of the eye will become bigger when a person is excited to talk to someone that the like. It might not be tremendously different, but it will certainly change in size.


• A relaxed expression - Not everyone will grin from ear to ear when they talk to someone they like, but they should seem relaxed and calm when they are around you. Their face should not be stiff or strained. When you see crinkles around the eyes, this is a sign that the person is relaxed as they look at you.

What are they saying to you?

Chemistry can also be seen in the way that someone talks to you. People that are positive about their lives when they talk are generally feeling positive about the person with whom they are speaking. Subliminally, they are trying to show that they are a good person, so they are only showcasing the good in their lives.

Other things that you can look for include:

• A tendency to make plans - When you're talking to someone and they're already making plans for the two of you to see each other more or do something exciting down the road, this is a sign that they want to spend more time with you.


• Attempts at humor - Not everyone is as funny as a comedian, but when someone tries to be humorous with you, it's a sign that they want to make you happy and that they really want to please you. Of course, being fake in trying to be funny can go over badly.


• A touch when they are talking - No matter what they are saying, if someone tries to touch you when they are talking with you - and it doesn't have to be anything more than a quick touch - it is a sign of good chemistry between you, especially when you don't turn away from the touch.

Good chemistry is hard to find, but when you find it, you'll know.

http://www.singlescafe.net/do-you-have-chemistry.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo

How To Screen Online Profile Pictures

This is an acquired skill. It isn't learned overnight. But if you are doing the online dating thing want to avoid some serious drama, you'll...um...need mad skeelz.

And you know what I'm talking about. You sort through people online, say at Match.com or Yahoo Personals. Some look interesting, but...the deal with the pictures is, you know, sketchy. Here's the crash course on screening online profile pics. It's not an exact science, but there are some short-cuts and tell-tale signs that are virtually infallible. You may not agree, and your mileage may vary, so send me your feedback. Also send me your ideas that you would have included.

Okay, first of all...you are NOT "shallow" if you want to see what the person looks like. Get that weight off your shoulders. If anyone ever says this to you again, feel free to tell him or her McKay is to blame for your attitude. I can live with that. This is a key component of attraction, whether people potentially unattractive to you like it or not! Don't be played into thinking you are unreasonable by someone with no picture for asking. And don't be duped into meeting the person either.

Of note also here are those with no picture (or even one substandard one) who claim, "I am incredibly hott, but have no/bad pictures because I: 1) Don't have a digital camera, and have no friends with one either,... 2) am computer illiterate, despite my ability to complete this profile, and... 3) fear being seen by coworkers/friends and embarrassed." Don't buy it. Any of it. If there's something bothering this person about being seen by others, and you are REALLY intrigued, then maybe ask for the pics to be emailed to you. This has actually panned out for me exactly one time in three years. If you get more excuses at that point, you've gotta jett...period. Bear in mind that people with no pics may not just be insecure about their appearance. Some may be MARRIED. Or WANTED in six states! Think about that one for a while. People with one picture that's either fuzzy or very limited in view aren't off the hook here, either. Ask for more pictures-it's okay. "I have a picture up there already, and that's what I look like" doesn't cut it as an excuse.

Here are a few more silver bullets on this subject. Glamour Shot=Run Away. Seriously. If he or she has webcam capture pics only, same story (although requesting that he or she get on the cam for you isn't a bad idea). Also, look out for the pic that's a very close-cropped face shot...that's not enough to go on. And keep your eyes open for clear signs that the pics are not exactly new or accurate. One of my personal favorites was the woman who talked about having a 12-year-old son in her profile, and the pic was of her holding an infant! When I called her on it, she said, "Yeah, it's okay. I still look exactly like that." Hmmm. I have also seen people in their mid to late twenties who have posted pictures from high school, it turns out. That's just wrong on many levels, if you think about it. I mean, how creeped out is a brother supposed to feel for finding pics of a 27 y.o. woman attractive-who's actually 16? You get my drift.

The other thing--and you've seen this for sure--is the person with 20 pictures up...ALL of which look completely different! I've seen women with pictures so diverse that you'd swear an entire sorority was sharing one profile. Hair color, various stages of weight gain/loss, age differences, etc. Interestingly, I have found that there is virtually no indication as to which of the pics someone is going to really look like, with two exceptions: 1) The bigger the body, the greater the likelihood of current accuracy, and... 2) The ones with the tattoos are probably newer. That said, I've met women who look like NONE of their umpteen pictures, which perhaps serves as a reasonable indictment of the entire purpose of the pics to begin with, right? Also a potential question mark is the person who teases you with the promise of "12 pics", all but one of which are dogs, sunsets, BMWs, Paris, etc. What is that about? Is the subject of the profile not "enough" to impress me? If not...well...you get it.

Look also for subtle (or not so much) clues about someone's true personality in the pics. You know this guy. He's the one who's such a "loyal, family-man" type in the profile, and posts the picture where you can see what's going on at the "gentlemen's club" in the background. Listing examples here could go on all day.

So what are some indicators that the pics are good and accurate? Well, first...consistency. Several pics that are clearly of the same person is a plus, assuming they all aren't from the same photo session or something. In this case, you can usually be sure that s/he might look like that when and if you meet. Be careful here, because some people are either very photogenic or not. Feel free to ask that question, and listen closely to the answer-which might be surprisingly candid. Actually if someone says, "I take TERRIBLE pics!" that tends to be a good sign. If you think about it, that makes sense if you are already liking what you see. Next, variety. A face shot, a full-body shot, indoor, outdoors, casual, formal, silly, serious, smiling, serious, etc. If people have nothing to hide here, they shouldn't and typically won't. I'm not talking about bikini shots being necessary here though, and the general consensus among women I've noticed is that they'd rather guys keep their clothes on in profile pics. So you know what I mean.

Interestingly, disclaimers in the text of a profile about the pics are usually accurate...be they good or bad. I'm not quite on board with the woman who had five or six pictures, only to say on the last line of her tome-like profile that she had "gained fifty pounds since the pics were taken" (refer to "games"). Nonetheless, if someone says something to the effect of , "Yes...I'm 42 and the pictures are recent", you are likely dealing with someone who truly is looking good for his or her age.

So there are a few ideas to get you started. I good by-product of this discussion might be to re-evaluate one's own pics, right?

http://www.singlescafe.net/screening-online-dating-pictures.html?authorname=Scot%20McKay

Screening Online Dating Profile

In a previous edition, we discussed how to screen pictures people post in online dating profiles. This time, we are going to talk about how to 'crack the code' with regard to what people are actually saying in the "narrative" portion.

There are two ways to look at this.. First, is the "explicit" side of what a person is communicating. Second, logically, is the "implicit" side. Here we go.

By "explicit", we are referring to what someone is objectively, really saying in his/her own words. There are some concrete indicators you can look for:

"No games." Essentially, the person who says this has been "played" a lot and is utterly sick of being toyed with, lied to, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of that goes on, so a line like this is found in at least half of the profiles I've read. Such a person is really saying that s/he wants a steady relationship not 'serial dating'.

"I have no idea what to write." Don't count on a particularly creative person behind this kind of talk. S/he might not have any idea what to say on a date either.

"I don't think this is going to work, but I'm trying anyway." This can characterize either bad experiences dating in general, or a poor self esteem. Plan on having to overcome these hurdles when and if you meet.

"If ___, then don't bother." Generally, I'd say if you see this line in a profile...don't. Whether you fit the description or not. Bad attitudes abound.

"Read my profile completely before responding." Make sure you do. There's going to be some sort of limiting factor in there somewhere. This could be about either who s/he is OR who s/he's looking for. If someone is going to be ultra-specific about who s/he is looking for, it might be signaled as such.

"I'm just looking for fun, nothing serious." This might be able to be taken at face value, or you might just be dealing with a very cautious person. "Friends first" is another, and probably clearer way to communicate this.

"I'll try anything once, and am open to anything." Men read this and think, "sex". A woman might not mean that. Handle such apparent subliminal references to wanting a purely sexual relationship with care. If a guy is implying this, well you can pretty much know what you are dealing with. However, guys are particularly prone to reading too much into what a woman writes in these cases. I don't know how many times I've heard about women having been disgusted by blatant propositions in first emails, only to realize that there is something in her own words that was inviting them.

The "Implicit" side involves the bigger picture as to what a person is communicating about him/herself through what s/he writes. Examples are as follows:

Negativity. If someone is continuously talking about dislikes, pet peeves, etc., you can count on meeting someone who is a complainer in real life. Bummer.

Pickiness. This is characterized by the phrase "I want". Pay attention to how realistic the wants and needs are, and how forcefully they are communicated. This can be a good thing, demonstrating the person has high standards and/or a solid self-esteem. Then again, if it's an esoteric list you could be dealing with someone who is never going to be satisfied.

Low Self-Esteem. An online profile is no place to feel sorry for oneself. If such is being communicated with a person's first impression, take that as a warning sign that you are potentially dealing with an emotionally damaged person.

Poor Spelling/Grammar. A lot of smart people talk about how this is an immediate deal breaker when sorting through online profiles. Be careful here. Some people may not be "right-brained" (i.e. artistic/linguistic) but in fact are brilliant on the "left-brained" (i.e. conceptual/analytical front. If someone misspells a word or two, read between the lines for greater depth and you could be reading about someone who compliments a "right-brainer's" intelligence.

Length Of Narrative. If someone uses up every single character of the max amount of space allowed, s/he will likely be a "talker" in real life. No doubt, having kissed the Blarney stone is a helpful trait to have when building an online profile. Keep in mind, however, that a brief profile narrative can mean several things. Sure, the person may not have much to say in real life. However, a terse profile can also mean that the person just flat-out isn't putting a lot of effort into the profile due to a "wait and see" attitude...which isn't something to place a value judgment on, especially if the person just posted a profile for the first time ever. Or, the writer of a brief profile may just be A LOT more intuitive than "talker" types. Most of us have a short attention span and/or get intimidated when confronted with a profile that takes ten minutes to read. Hmmm....there's wisdom there.

Dependence Upon One's Looks Alone. The flip side of the last item, however, is when someone (particularly a woman) considers the narrative a "throwaway", saying virtually nothing and therefore indicating that pictures alone should compel you to write. This is a dead giveaway that you are dealing with someone who hasn't realized that "The Storybook" takes two people to write effectively. See what I mean?

Inconsistency. If the person is making statements that blatantly contradict one another, you can infer several potential pitfalls. First, you may be reading about a blatant liar...and a bad one at that. Or, this person may just not have a clear picture of who s/he is looking for. It could also be that such a person is confused about his/her own identity. Watch out.

Manipulation. It is surprising to some degree how easy it is to spell out M-A-N-I-P-U-L-A-T-O-R when reading an online profile. Watch for clear double-standards. An example would be, "I demand a monogamous relationship and will not tolerate flirting", followed elsewhere by, "My match must be okay with the fact that I have same-sex friends and not get jealous." You get the idea.

Listing Possessions And Accomplishments. This person may be somewhat shallow, or more likely is covering for the fact that he/she is not so interesting to get to know apart from all the outward stuff. Men in particular are infamous for this sort of verbiage. And women can see right through it for the most part.

Sense of Humor. Are you laughing? You would in real life also, probably. Good sign.

Creativity. This is an excellent sign of a person who would be fun to hang out with. It's a valid idea to consider if the person's creative style is along the lines of what your personality can relate to.

Smart Remarks. Read for the deeper attitude. If the person is openly cynical, that's one thing, but someone who is "challenging" can be a lot of fun if you are up for it.

There are other more general principles that come alive when considering an online profile as a whole.

First of all, when listing those "statistics" regarding what the person is looking for, men tend to keep the range broader on paper and are pickier in reality. For women, it appears to often be the exact opposite. Women will post stricter guidelines, but usually will be more flexible when someone particularly interesting comes along. With that in mind guys, don't let her laundry list of desired traits deter you necessarily. And ladies, realize that most guys who have been online for a while know this fact, so if (for example) you don't want guys a few years older than your posted range contacting you, make sure you are specific in your profile as demonstrated above.

Second, pay careful attention to those items that are decided simply by checking a box. Some of these are broad enough that it may seem you will be a good match with someone, when in reality you couldn't be more different. Ask about these things early when getting to know someone if there is any doubt. On Match.com members can select "turn ons" and "turn offs", which is a particularly rich opportunity to learn about a person. A particular example is "skinny dipping". When something as inherently hot as that is checked as a "turn off", it likely signals body-image issues. If someone does not want to bring sexuality into the picture just yet, s/he will just not check that box at all--either way. By applying this sort of logic, you can learn much based on what else the person checked.

I'm out of room, but most of the more important areas have been covered. Keeping these points in mind will help any online dater to go from novice to expert in record time.

http://www.singlescafe.net/screening-online-dating-narratives.html?authorname=Scot%20McKay

The Ultimate Excuse For Dating Failure

One of the most unfortunate truths in the dating world is that a disproportionately large number of single adults have actually given up on dating completely. Interestingly, some such people really have no concrete answer as to why this is. Others are readily able to come up with an excuse or two (or ten). Either way, it's tragic that so many people voluntarily choose a life without any chance of meeting a "significant other".

My personal feeling is that just about any one of us walking this planet could theoretically join the throng of those who have thrown in the towel on dating. Each one of us could cite some excuse of our own and be done with it-after all, nobody's perfect.

Yet there are plenty of people who experience wild success in the dating world despite their own subset of imperfections. The secret is figuring out what negative thoughts are theoretically limiting us and addressing them effectively.

While there are an infinite number of reasons people can cite for dating failure, there's a definite "Top Ten List" of excuses people tend to cling to for dating failure. Today we'll consider the first five:

1) Physical Limitations

While it's always a great idea to be in the best shape one can and to make some effort with regard to one's appearance, it's shocking how many people cite a relatively minor physical imperfection and automatically assume nobody will be interested in dating them. Ironically, many of what we see as "limitations" may be "perfect imperfections" in the eyes of a beholder.

2) Advanced Age

It's not uncommon to believe one is "too old" to date. Amazingly, this sentiment can present itself as early as 28 or 30 years of age for some people! Meanwhile, a simple look around shows that there are "newlyweds" of all ages out there. Logically, of course, all of these people had to start dating somewhere...and it probably wasn't years and years ago! Interesting, despite the stereotype of older guys dating younger women I find that men and women make this excuse in equal numbers.

3) Kids

How many single parents exclude themselves from the dating pool using their kids as an excuse? Many claim that they are just waiting until the kids "leave the nest" before dating again. This could mean ten or twenty years from now! Something tells me that someone who plays this card will simply utilize a different excuse after the kids are finally out of the house (maybe the one above?). Other single parents claim that "nobody will accept them and their kids as a package deal". Hey, how about all the other single parents out there? Would they not relate better to another single parent? If you are one also why deny them the chance to meet you?

4) Games

If you've been lied to, cheated on and / or stood up repeatedly it's easy to call it quits on dating just to make sure it doesn't happen again. How about asking key questions of prospective dates up front instead? Find out what others are looking for from a relationship and encourage honesty. If you've been stood up some, call out "flakiness" in the very conversation in which the first date is arranged. These options, although very direct, are a lot more comfortable than spending life alone.

5) Finances

"Women want rich guys and I don't make enough money." "Dating is too expensive." "I can't afford a babysitter". Yawn. Whatever happened to assuming the best from someone else? Not all women are "gold diggers". Likewise, if a single parent is financially strapped enough that hiring a babysitter is out of the question, it's not uncommon for a potential suitor to volunteer to cover the cost. Although it may be uncomfortable to accept such an offer, consider that denying it means you are depriving someone of the chance to date you...which is what he or she clearly prefers or the offer wouldn't have been extended.

Already you may be getting the idea that it's easy for just about anyone to pick an excuse and run with it-and that each one is often merely a front for remaining in one's "comfort zone". Indeed, dating is not for lazy people. Leaving that "comfort zone" is prerequisite for conquering fears or feeling of inadequacy and taking direct control of one's future happiness.

http://www.singlescafe.net/excuses-for-dating-failure-1.html?authorname=Scot%20McKay

Why You Should Not Follow The Crowd In Dating And Relationship

When choosing their mate, many women love to do a careful observation of all her suitors first. This is one of the secrets which I have discovered not too long ago. Here's a simple example. My partner and myself come from the same sports teams. Months ago both the women's and the men's teams decided to come together to organize a fund raising activity for the teams. I had a very pretty team-mate who volunteered to join the committee and it was a known fact that many guys in the team were already interested in her. Thus during the meetings whenever she voiced out her opinions, many guys would start to give her support by making a lot of positive and supportive comments. All that they were doing were trying to get her attention and to please her.

Now, this girl is already attached. Who do you think she has chosen and win over her heart? Well, the amazing thing was she had chosen one of the guys (in that committee) and he was the one who never talked much or gave any comments during the meetings! He had a quiet nature and did not really like to 'perform' during occasions like this. And because of this, he tends to 'stand out' from the crowd and catch her attention instead!

Does this mean you have to do extraordinary things and stand out from the crowd to win over her heart? No. You just have to know that many women do make careful observation of the people around them. What is most important is that you preserve your individuality and be yourself whenever you have a chance of being with the woman you love.

The lesson to learn here are these. Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems. While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between men and women. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner. Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution. Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem. Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together. Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper.

Sensitivity is another area where men and women differ. Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman's sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration. This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision. Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple go get beyond he said/she said.

Men and Women also differ in terms of memory. Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item. For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions. This type of memory is especially problematic because when I women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don't understand why their partner doesn't remember something that is so vivid to them.

Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship. Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner. When they do decide to discuss a problem it's usually after much thought and careful consideration. Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily. Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion. They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution. The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship.

Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship. Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to happen and to flourish. Those who are masters in understanding why men/women behave, think and feel in the ways that they do are often the winners in dating and relationships. Understanding these simple principals will also go a long way to minimize difficulties in a relationship in regards to gender differences.

http://www.singlescafe.net/follow-the-crowd.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo

Make Friends with Cupid

Chilly February brings thoughts of love with Valentine's Day smack in the middle of the month. Whether you're single, dating, or married, most women have big expectations for this holiday. The romantic stakes are high with hopes of jewelry, flowers, chocolate, or candlelight dinners. How did this get started and what can you do to ensure a happy Valentine's Day regardless of your relationship status?

Valentine's Day Dates Back to Ancient Rome.

To honor the queen of the Roman Gods, teenage boys randomly picked girls' names and were paired up for the entire length of the festival. Sometimes the matches resulted in marriage. Then, on February 14, 269 AD, a priest named Valentine was put to death for marrying these couples against the Roman Emperor's wishes. Three hundred years later, he was named the patron saint of lovers and the holiday was renamed St. Valentine's Day.

With time the custom shifted from pairing up to men expressing love for one woman through written verse and poems. This is how cards became the current tradition. Sorry ladies, we can't blame Hallmark for this one.

The Love Fest is Here to Stay

While some people love the sentimentality, others dread the sight of Cupid. But, since this holiday has been around for centuries, the question is: How can you make friends with Cupid? Below you'll discover four ways to feel the positive love of the season:

1) Expand Your Definition of Love

Everyone has love in their life if you expand the definition to include friends and family. Celebrate as if your life is brimming with love and share that spirit with people you encounter on the 14th (or any day.) Express appreciation to your family, send notes to old friends, cherish a neighbor, or give your dog some extra playtime. Use Valentine's Day to acknowledge all kinds of love.

2) Be Realistic about Your Romantic Expectations

If you're in a relationship, be realistic about the romance you expect and take ownership of what you want. Real life doesn't usually imitate a juicy novel. Be grateful for a single rose or two dozen. Appreciating your man's efforts and thoughtfulness will go along way with him. Or be direct and tell him nicely what would make you happy. But please don't remain silent hoping he guesses or think “he should know by now.

Treat your partner the way you want to be treated and do it for the simple pleasure it brings, rather than what you'll get in return. And remember, for a true expression of love, it's the thought that counts, not the price tag.

3) Reframe Envious Feelings into Positive EvidenceIf you're single and feeling envious of couples in love, reframe these feelings. Lift your thoughts to be happy for these people. They represent the positive evidence that love is still possible! Being happy for others helps you share in their good energy. It's like seeing the glass half-full vs. half-empty. The more couples you see in love, the more proof that you too can find a partner!

4) Treat Yourself to a Gift of LoveWhether you want a heart-shaped necklace or a heart-shaped box of chocolates, make your desire a reality. Purchase something marvelous and appreciate what a loving, wonderful person you are. You might also treat your best friend to flowers or candy to spread the appreciation around. Self-love is often the first step to finding a loving partner.

2,000 Year Old TraditionCupid wants you to feel loved and be happy. For nearly 2,000 years he's been bringing couples together with his symbolic bow and arrow. Make friends with Cupid and enjoy all the aspects of love in your life. Happy Valentine's Day!

http://www.singlescafe.net/make-friends-with-cupid.html?authorname=Ronnie%20Ann%20Ryan

How To Get A Mr Right To Fall In Love With You!

You've seen him-we all have. That guy from across the room who makes our heart skip a beat, who leaves us breathless, who we've found an instant attraction to. Is he the one? Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right-Now? If he's Mr. Right, how do we get him to come to us and be interested?

It doesn't matter who the guy is-it could be the new guy at work, someone you saw at the grocery store or someone from around your neighborhood. It could even be a guy you've known for sometime and are just now finding attractive and interest in.

If it's someone you already know and now you're falling in love, you don't want to scare him away if he doesn't feel the same way you do. How do you get him to fall in love with you without getting clingy or weird and without scaring him off? There are a few crucial moves that a woman can make in order to get Mr. Right to fall in love with her.

Improve your appearance-make sure you are healthy and that you are appealing. Your hair, teeth, nails and skin should be appealing, clean and in good repair. Feel good about yourself and be confident-making sure you are appealing will increase your self-esteem. This will attract the guy-guys like women who are confident in themselves.

Ask your girlfriends what your blind spots are-these are weaknesses you have that you just don't know about. A good girlfriend will tell you exactly what they are-maybe you have bad breath and don't know it, maybe your excessive swearing is noticeable, maybe you are a gossip queen or you just have bad manners.

Find out what your weaknesses are and find out how to fix them. Your girlfriend or girlfriends can help so that you can bolster the crucial positive impression you are trying to make on Mr. Right. However, don't be someone you aren't either-the true you should still shine through. No one is perfect, and everyone is allowed to have some flaws, don't be afraid to be who you are, selling yourself as someone you aren't will only destroy a relationship.

People skills-get your people skills in order. You need to avoid arguments, start off conversations in a friendly manner, talk nicely, be nice and give compliments that are sincere. You should always work to make whomever you are talking to feel important-don't wave them off or drift out of the conversation-really listen to what they are saying. Remember, this is Mr. Right and you are trying to get him to fall for you. Don't be afraid to disagree, but don't put down their fundamental beliefs either-everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn't mean that theirs is wrong and yours is right.

Small talk is important too-have something nice to say and say it well. Use appropriate emotions when you are talking, know when to not talk and focus more on listening to him than on hearing your own voice.

Let yourself be real to him-lower your guard a bit and admit some of your shortcomings. Tease him tastefully-all in an effort to get him to lower his guard a bit, this way he can learn who you really are.

Let him know all the 'you' there is to know-the hottie, the sweetie and the real you. Spend some time highlighting the hottie you-the feminine and sexy qualities that you possess. Let him see your warm, caring and kind you-the sweetie that you are. Also let him see who you are normally-the real you with your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and your personality.

Lead him to an emotional moment-when the emotions are high, be your best self. This will impact him in more ways than any subtlety can. These moments are the ones that imprint into his heart and soul that he will remember.

Don't play too hard to get-those things that are elusive are things men will eventually just give up on. Also, don't get clingy too fast-you don't have to call him 50 times a day to let him know you're thinking of him. Once is fine...give the man some space to be with his thoughts about you without the constant (and nagging) reminder that you are attached to him.

Be attractive and sexy-not overbearing and cheap. Keep your morals and values and don't overextend yourself-if you are cheap and easy, you won't make a lasting impression, just a fast one. Something worth keeping requires work on his behalf too.

Have fun and don't forget to be a friend as well to your Mr. Right. In no time, he will be head over heels in love with the real you.

http://www.singlescafe.net/get-mister-right.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo

The Media Has Lied To You About What The Opposite Sex Is Attracted To

Every day it's a constant barrage of noise. All of us, apparently, have to make some big changes-and now---or else you'll never get a date again. All for 3 easy payments of $49.95.

Oh, come on. Are we really this gullible?

Lately I've been paying attention to media, especially advertising, and realizing more than ever how we are getting played. Think about it. Virtually everything communicated to us in the commercial media is designed to sell a product, further a cause, etc. Extraordinarily often, this plays upon our feelings of worthiness to attract "hotties". Right?

One of my favorite recent commercials is the one where the guy and girl make eye contact while on stopped streetcars headed in opposite directions. Quickly the guy springs up to get off his ride and hopefully catch the other one so he can meet the woman. Unsuccessful...he is dejected when both streetcars leave, only to find that the woman had done the same thing (!) There they are standing across from each other, and it's presumably 'on'. What a great commercial, and what a picture perfect example of a "romantic moment". Except for one curious thing...it's for a pair of guys pants. How in the world did the pants help him in the all-important quest to attract the girl? He was looking out a streetcar window!

Where this conversation gets more personal is when it involves things we are perceived to have to change in order to get someone to be attracted to us at all. For guys, the easy target has historically been baldness, although nowadays penis size seems to be gaining momentum (that doesn't sound quite right...but you know what I mean). The latter is another whole topic, so let's talk about what it's like for bald guys. Bald guys have been generally trained by media to be horrified of going bald. Bald guys are remembered as ridiculed in sitcoms and in movies. Bald guys are told no women are interested in a guy without hair, and that they should spend all the money it takes to change it.

Now, I happen to have plenty of hair on my head, so I'm an unbiased opinion here. Judging from informal conversations with numerous women, and from what I've seen on online profiles, I think far fewer women are turned off by a receding hairline-or even flat-out baldness-than these commercials would like for us to believe. You can even go to www.hotornot.com and see the kind of objective ratings guys get for yourself. The numbers don't lie. The website is not called www.hotorbald.com (check the link-nope).

The ladies are fed even more crazy stuff. I saw a mascara ad several years ago where the waiter made a Freudian slip and asked the lady if she wanted something or other to go with her "lashes". What a wakeup call that was to watch. Do you think us guys are really going around paying that much attention to your lashes? We may indirectly notice how long lashes positively affect a woman's attractiveness, but really--I assure you--we aren't obsessing over her eyelashes.

Better example: fashion. Most of us guys, again not a general statement but far more than you are led to believe, really think a woman looks as great in a sweatshirt, sweatpants and ankle sox as she did in that Carolina Herrera gown last night. Really. Believe it. In fact, the "girl next door" thing in general rules with many, many guys.

Don't we all appreciate someone real? This goes for plastic surgery, also. Informal surveys of my male friends show that we really don't all go for a large breast size. It's true. Believe that also. I can count on both hands the number of guys I know who appreciate women with surgically altered bust lines. How many times have you seen someone who has had a facelift, and immediately thought he or she would have been better off leaving it alone?

And the clincher? News flash: Despite everything you've heard, seen, and have had played before your eyes...(are you sitting down for this?)...A LOT of guys don't prefer skinny women. In fact, some of us out here don't even have a direct preference when it comes to the subject matter of this paragraph or the preceding one. Now, extremism is one thing, and if someone is affected as such s/he should get that handled for health and lifestyle reasons. But for the most part, who a woman is-overall-is going to affect the level of attraction for a guy.

And this thought process appears to apply to both men and women. I've heard lots of women talk about a guy with some "meat on his bones" instead of washboard abs (can't have both). And guess what? Likewise, plenty of guys like curvier women. More guys may think this way than actually will admit publicly, also-likely because of what the media has taught us is attractive. Do we all have "bad taste"? That's subjective-as it should be.

Further, an interesting story was done that showed that men will predictably be attracted to a 7/10 ratio between waist and hips, which also happens to be a good scientific quotient for indicating female fertility, it seems. OK, so why don't all women know this? Because you can't do anything about it. You can't "spot reduce". There are no products to sell, so the media has no interest in telling you this sort of thing.

But you have the ability to lose weight generally-if you want to. And you can put on make up, and hair "products" and different clothes. Darn skippy. And you hear about that all the time. Why? Because there's money in making people feel insecure. And once the ball is rolling, it's a financial bonanza. It's this way in part because of the basic message, and in larger part, I've come to believe, because one can never do enough. In all actuality it doesn't necessarily get attraction to happen. In fact, the cumulative effect can actually backfire, causing less attraction because of the perceived plasticism or, worse, the insecurity.

http://www.singlescafe.net/what-opposite-sex-is-attracted-to.html?authorname=Scot%20McKay

Three Laws of Attraction Every Guy Has to Know

Interesting quote, but what does this mean to us guys? In short, women are conditioned to respond to certain signals, traits, and physical characteristics. It is not that they CHOOSE to be attracted to bad boys, or athletes, or wealthy businessmen. Rather, evolution has conditioned them to be attracted to these types of men, because they execute the right actions and behaviors that send off attraction signals in women's brains. Talk about having chemistry!

The good news is, You don't HAVE to be wealthy, athletic, or a bad boy to successfully attract women. You just have to ACT like them. You just have to know what behaviors, attitudes, and actions they have that WORK in impressing and seducing women.

There are 10 laws of attraction every man must know, but as I only have a limited space, I'm only going to detail the first three here. For the remaining seven, check out my "How to Be Irresistible to Women: The Mastery Series" course, available at http://www.000relationships.com/mastery.

Now, onto the 3 laws of attraction!

Rule #1: Demonstrate High Social Status

There are lots of great ways to do this, including peacocking, which is a popular term for dressing up in outrageous outfits and hair styles; being energetic; and using your popularity--the principle of social proof. When women see you socializing with bartenders, managers, and club/bar owners, this proves that you are popular--and desirable.

So get to know everyone at the places you go to: the party hosts, the bartenders, the owners, the managers, everyone. When women notice you're in a position of importance and popularity, they WILL become attracted to you--even if they don't realize it!

Rule #2: Make Impressions

A great way to attract a woman is to make a memorable impressions. It doesn't matter how good you look, how tall you are, how wealthy you are--all you have to do is leave a good memory of who you are. Make a woman remember you. You can do this in a number of ways, including:

* Ask how she's doing with confidence

A simple, "Hey, what's up?" in a relaxed tone goes a long way towards making a girl remember you. This is especially effective with retail clerks and waitresses. Don't act too interested in what she has to say--just say it in a slow, cool, DEEP tone of voice that sends their emotional chemicals buzzing! Say this with a relaxed, open body and good posture. The truth is, when you understand what body language and tonality cues work, you will attract women with ease.

* TEASE her

Show your confidence in yourself by joking about a girl's hair or occupation. You can say, "Wow, you put a lot of effort into that hairstyle, huh?" or if she says she's a model or dancer, say, "Huh, just a model, eh? Well, that's nice." Acting unimpressed, ironically, will make her impressed. Girls are used to having guys fawn over them, so to do the opposite of what she expects will go a long way, to your advantage. This proves you don't need any woman's validation, to feel attractive. Hate to say it, but women want a man who doesn't need them to feel good about himself. Don't believe anything else.

* Joke About Other Guy's Failure

This is a great technique where you can use other guys' pickup failures to your advantage. If a guy says something really cheesy or stupid, just say to her, "Man, you must get that all the time." Or just go up to her and say, "See that guy over there? He's got the WORST BO in the world!"

Find out more methods, including how to make her laugh and tell great stories, by ordering my Mastery Course now. You can start with the free How to Be Irresistible to Women six-part audio course and move from there.

Rule #3: Be Funny in An Attractive, Cocky Way

As you can tell from the methods above, humor is great way of attracting women. Women just seem to love laughing, and when you think about it, you can't blame them: Who wants to be with a boring guy? Especially if they're thinking of settling down with a guy in a relationship, they want a guy who can keep things interesting, humorous, and not too serious. Humor does just that. Some great ways to make a girl laugh include:

Self-Deprecation

This is where karaoke is great--you can poke fun at yourself and be a clown. It shows you're comfortable with yourself, fun, and not too serious.

Wit

As long as you don't use it against her too much, wit can be a great thing. It shows intelligence and humor.

Observational Humor

Observing funny things like a clumsy waiter or a guy whose face looks like his dog's is a great way of making a girl laugh.

Exaggeration

Telling a great story and showcasing how ridiculous something was, is a surefire way to leave an impression. Having a lot of anecdotes ready to tell a girl is a great way of making an impression, and attracting her.

Cocky comedy

This amazing technique, pioneered by David DeAngelo, is an incredible way of both demonstrating high social status, and of making her laugh. Generally, you want to break her balls and BREAK HER STATE. Take her out of her element, tease her in front of her group. Show that you don't need her, and especially that you don't need her for self-validation. Very powerful stuff, and something I discuss in detail in my audio lesson on Building Higher Status.

There are all kinds of additional ways to attract women, and truthfully, not enough can be written on the subject. But this should give you a start to your understanding of what women want. To find out more, check out my dynamic "How to Be Irresistible to Women: The Mastery Series" course on how to attract the women YOU want.

It's YOUR turn to begin an exciting, successful new lifestyle!

http://www.singlescafe.net/three-laws-of-attraction.html?authorname=James%20Brito

How to Be the Quality Person Who Will Attract Quality People

Being a good quality person is important to us. We want to attract others that will like us for who we are and not what we pretend to be. It is a good idea to be who you are all the time and not let anyone else determine who you are personality is going to be. You are who you are and that is a great way to be. You have to be proud of who you are and that will take you a long way in life and to do what you feel is important at the same time.

1) Doing well in your life is important.

This will make you feel good about the person that you are and what you are doing in life. There is nothing better than being proud of who you are and what you do. When others notice the great achievements that you have accomplished with your personality, they will like you too. We all want to have people in our life that make us feel good. We do not want to surround ourselves around low people that make us feel bad and worthless. The most important thing that we can do is make sure that we are a good quality person so that we can find the same in the people that we attract.

2) You should not be afraid to express who you are in side.

If you are hiding the fact that you like something or want to do something, you are only adding to the problem. You have to be willing to let others see you for who you are so that they can continue to feel good about being around you and having you in their life. This is a very big goal and one that you should be ready to do. Do not let anyone stand in your way of letting your own personal expressions come out in life. This is what will take you farther in life and give you the goals that are so important to have when you are meeting new people and when you are doing just about anything in life.

3) Living life to the fullest

Living life to the fullest is something that you want to do and you want to do it with the right people that will make you feel good about who you are inside and out. Having a good quality of people to share things with will make you a happier person and give you the goals in life that are important to you as well. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and make decisions about the people that you want to have in your life. Get the negative out so that you can have more positive in your own life.

4) Do not take things too personally.

You have to be willing to fail when it comes to finding friends. You will have people in your life that make you feel good about who you are. When you find the people that make your life complete, you will feel better in your own life and have good people in your life that you can trust and know that they are there for you to count on.

5) Getting to the point in life where you can be happy with your friends is so important.

You want to be comfortable with them and have a good feeling each time you are around them. This is what will make your self esteem grow in life and give you a positive feedback that will allow you to grow as a person and be more open with your friends and the other people around you.

6) Having self-confidence maybe the best thing ever.

You want to have a lot of self-confidence in the person that you are. This will help you find the strength to be more open and to be more of a positive person no matter what you are doing. This will give you the power to attract a higher quality of people so that you can find the friends that are going to make to complete your life and give you all that you are looking for.

7) Do not be too judgmental when it comes to your friends.

They are just like you and are allowed to make mistakes from time to time. There is nothing wrong with this and you should not judge them too critically. You have to understand and you will in return find that you get the same understanding when it comes to you making mistakes as well.

Treat the people around you like you would want to be treated. This is the only way that you can defiantly find the type of people that you want to have in your life. You will find that you will have a higher quality of people surrounding you and you will be able to fill your life with good friends that will be there for you no matter what.

http://www.singlescafe.net/attract-quality-people.html?authorname=Cucan%20Pemo