YOU’VE tried Craigslist and Club Med, and have nothing but flirty e-mail messages and hangovers to show for it. Speed dating made you nauseated, and your Web profile is so exaggerated you barely recognize yourself. Some days, you just feel like crawling home to Mom and Dad.
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John Keegan
In Ali Seidman Hammer’s case, her father came to her.
Ms. Seidman Hammer, 29, who works at a jewelry company in Manhattan, never lacked suitors. But when she and a boyfriend broke up in 2002, her father wanted to help. He reached out to the son of a longtime family friend, Dave Bray, who contacted a fraternity brother, Mike Hammer. They went on their first date in November 2002 and were married in April this year.
“Sometimes,” said her father, Larry Seidman, “it takes a little prodding.”
For some people parental intervention may seem like an arranged marriage. But for today’s superattentive parents, involved in almost every aspect of their children’s lives, dating is merely one more sphere of influence.
Surprisingly, many adult children don’t seem to mind. In an age of electronic courting, where dating can be reduced to a bleary-eyed scroll through lackluster Web site profiles, some see the appeal of Match.mom.
“If you’re going to give J Date a shot, why not give your mother a shot?” said Leslie Arker, 32, who met her husband, Alex Arker, 33, through their parents (their fathers played golf together) in 2000.
Those in their 20’s and early 30’s are, after all, used to hands-on to-the-rescue parents, and involvement doesn’t end with a college diploma.
“There is a very high appreciation of parents nowadays, which is unusual,” said Helen E. Johnson of Chapel Hill, N.C., an author and a consultant on parent relations to colleges.
Where parents were once feared and distant figures, today they are more like friends to their children, some people who work with families said, and that has led to more open relationships.
Manny Contomanolis, the associate vice president and director of Cooperative Education and Career Services at Rochester Institute of Technology, said that the involvement of parents in their children’s lives is occurring more and more, partly because parents no longer trust institutions like schools and churches to be their children’s best advocates.
But modern technology has also brought a revival of the age-old practice of matchmaking. E-mail and cellphones make it easy for parents to be part of their children’s day-to-day trials and tribulations, and to get emotionally involved.
“They’re potentially living their son’s or daughter’s life along with them,” Mr. Contomanolis said. “It creates more instances and opportunities to intercede.”
Critics who advocate a more laissez-faire approach to parenthood may view parental involvement in affairs of the heart as an extension of what generational scholars call “helicopter parents”: those who hover over their children’s every move, hampering their maturation, autonomy and future ability to cope.
But some say a parent’s suggestion to spend Saturday night with the upstanding son of a business acquaintance is not the same as meddling in college admissions or helping complete a term paper to beef up a grade. Mr. Contomanolis said it is not much different from a parent’s suggesting a child call a family friend who runs a company that needs some business administration graduates. It would be problematic, he said, only if parents were carting in potential mates as the parents did in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.”
Parents, of course, have been meddling in their children’s love lives since time immemorial. And writers have long mined the subject of arranged marriage in works as varied as “Romeo and Juliet,” “Fiddler on the Roof” and “Bend It Like Beckham.” But even in “Anna Karenina,” published in the 1870’s, parents questioned their role in their children’s love lives. “It’s the young people who have to marry and not their parents,” Tolstoy wrote, “and so we ought to leave the young people to arrange it as they choose.”
And that was where things were left, in most families. But fathers and mothers may be reclaiming their right to know best.
Michelle Mikos, 31, an engineer from Fleetwood, N.Y., said she allowed her mother to give out her phone number to potential suitors, despite their difference of opinion on the definition of handsome.
“I kind of trusted her to find me a nice guy,” she said, adding, “I stopped asking her about looks.”
Three or four setups did not work out, but in 2004, one did. Ms. Mikos married him in the winter of 2005, and in April she gave birth to a boy, Max.
“I made her my maid of honor,” Ms. Mikos said of her mother, “because she introduced us.”
For many parents, setting up a date for an adult child is not all that different from arranging toddler play dates, only there are beers and bar stools where there were once sandboxes and seesaws.
Darby Corna, 25, of Manhattan said her mother, a radio talk show host in Cleveland, always tries to set up dates for her and her brother, though Ms. Corna has no interest in them.
“I know it is coming when we go to an event, and she tells me to put my lipstick and blush on,” Ms. Corna wrote in an e-mail message. “I get random phone calls in New York saying they met my mom and she gave them my number, and my brother gets calls in Rome, too.”
Lopa Patel, 28, a lawyer in Chicago, said she receives e-mail from dating Web sites that she never signed up for, and she suspects her mother is behind it.
“I got the July newsletter for Indiandating.com,” she said, adding that other people’s parents attempt to play matchmaker on her behalf as well. “I have parents on all levels who apparently don’t think it’s a bad idea,” she said.
But Ms. Johnson, the consultant, said it can be. Many parents and their adult children are already too enmeshed, she said, making the children fragile. And when a person’s most intimate connection is with a parent, he or she is likely to have trouble communicating with peers.
Parental love is unconditional, she said, so children do not learn the art of compromise, negotiation and accepting that they and their partners will never be perfect, skills needed for a “real” relationship.
“It’s hard to meet appropriate people,” Ms. Johnson added. “I accept that and I realize that, and it’s true that your parents do know you in ways that other people don’t, but what I’m concerned about is what happens then if the parents pick out the person. It further enmeshes you in the parental relationship.”
Parents say they attempt to make matches because of the joy in helping someone find love, particularly for those who have happy marriages of their own.
“It’s knowing that maybe you did something good for somebody,” Mr. Seidman said.
The drive to make matches also often springs from a desire to uphold cultural traditions. “There’s more pressure in ethnic communities,” Ms. Patel said, noting that her parents “know what being Indian is” and that “they want the same for me.”
“They know it, and it works for them.” But, she said, she would rather remain single than marry anyone her parents recommended.
Besides, if a parental setup results in a cringeworthy date, getting disentangled can be sticky.
Ms. Seidman Hammer’s mother once set her up on a blind date that made her want to bolt. “He was wearing a fur coat,” she said. “And he was five feet tall.”
But it’s harder to walk away from a parental setup than from someone you met in a bar or exchanged a few e-mail messages with, she said. There are often family and work relationships at stake.
“I had to stick with it,” Ms. Seidman Hammer said.
While a parental setup can create more tension between parents and children, the opposite may also be true, Mr. Contomanolis said. “What was the intent?” he said, “And how was it handled?”
Ms. Arker’s mother gave out her phone number without asking first, but she and her daughter had a prior understanding.
“I said, ‘Mom, O.K., you have permission to give out my number,’ ” Ms. Arker said, “ ‘but you’d better not abuse that privilege.’ ”
The relationship between Ms. Arker and her husband was easy from the beginning, she said, even though they had never met. They had similar upbringings and “an instant comfort level” because they knew some of the same people and places. The couple married in March 2002. They have a daughter, Emily, 2, and they are expecting their second child in September.
“At the end of the day,” Ms. Arker said, “your parents know you.”
Blanche Arker, Ms. Arker’s mother-in-law, said that any good relationship owes a debt to destiny and timing, but she also suggested that perhaps the reason children welcome parental setups is not that they cannot cope, but that they eventually come to realize they could learn a thing or two from their parents.
“When all else fails,” she said, “you do come back to your mommy and daddy.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/27/fashion/27parents.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070&en=b0de4a09b785f8e5&ex=1181188800
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Seven Things You Should Know before Using a Russian Matchmaking Service
Read the following list before you decide which Russian dating agency to use in your soul mate search.
1. Russian matchmaking agencies exist because in Russia today, there are about ten million more women than men. Russia is one of the few countries that has such a large gap in the ratio between men and women. The greater the difference, the more difficult it becomes for the predominant gender to get married and start a family, and this encourages Russian women to look outside their home country for single men.
2. Russian culture encourages traditional family values, so the women you will meet through a Russian matchmaking agency are more likely to be looking for marriage than any more casual arrangement. Russian women who have decided to use a Russian dating agency are not looking to date casually. Their goal is marriage, and they are serious about finding someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with, whereas many of the women you would meet on a more traditional dating site are looking for something much more short-term. For a man who is looking to get married and start a family, the chances are much better of finding a Russian marriage-minded through a Russian matchmaking agency.
3. Russian matchmaking agencies are more common than ever on the internet due to the increase of affordable internet access worldwide. The term Mail Order Bride is a throwback to the days where Russian dating agencies actually mailed out catalogs of women interested in meeting foreign men. Now, contact between Russian women and men in other countries is accomplished almost exclusively through the internet, making communicating faster and easier than ever before.
4. Russian matchmaking agencies offer convenience and speed. Most reputable Russian matchmaking services now accept major credit cards for their fees and associated expenses and are able to provide support to their members in English. Many even offer translating services to eliminate the need to be fluent in Russian prior to using a Russian dating agency.
5. Women who use Russian dating agencies are screened. In other words, the scams you hear about are the exception, not the rule. Most women registered with a Russian matchmaking agency are not just looking for a visa or a green card, they really want to find someone to love. These women are not desperate, and are often educated and have careers in Russia. They arent looking for a man to support them, rather they want to fall in love and have a family.
6. The United States will not issue a fiancee visa unless the couple have met at least once face-to-face and can document their relationship. To facilitate the requirements of the U.S. Immigration, many Russian matchmaking agencies will offer trips to meet their Russian clients. Making travel arrangements through a Russian dating services may save you money over booking the trip on your own, and may also put you in touch with other men who are going through the same experiences that you are.
7. Russian dating agencies are growing in popularity every day. Although they still may not be accepted by everyone as a way to meet women, men who have used them in the past have found happiness. And that, after all, is also the end goal of dating agencies; they want all of their clients to find love. If you are interested in meeting a marriage-minded woman and are willing to invest time and effort in your future happiness, a Russian matchmaking agency might be just the thing for you.
http://www.articlesalley.com/article.detail.php/32522/149/Dating/Relationships/34/Seven_Things_You_Should_Know_before_Using_a_Russian_Matchmaking_Service
1. Russian matchmaking agencies exist because in Russia today, there are about ten million more women than men. Russia is one of the few countries that has such a large gap in the ratio between men and women. The greater the difference, the more difficult it becomes for the predominant gender to get married and start a family, and this encourages Russian women to look outside their home country for single men.
2. Russian culture encourages traditional family values, so the women you will meet through a Russian matchmaking agency are more likely to be looking for marriage than any more casual arrangement. Russian women who have decided to use a Russian dating agency are not looking to date casually. Their goal is marriage, and they are serious about finding someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with, whereas many of the women you would meet on a more traditional dating site are looking for something much more short-term. For a man who is looking to get married and start a family, the chances are much better of finding a Russian marriage-minded through a Russian matchmaking agency.
3. Russian matchmaking agencies are more common than ever on the internet due to the increase of affordable internet access worldwide. The term Mail Order Bride is a throwback to the days where Russian dating agencies actually mailed out catalogs of women interested in meeting foreign men. Now, contact between Russian women and men in other countries is accomplished almost exclusively through the internet, making communicating faster and easier than ever before.
4. Russian matchmaking agencies offer convenience and speed. Most reputable Russian matchmaking services now accept major credit cards for their fees and associated expenses and are able to provide support to their members in English. Many even offer translating services to eliminate the need to be fluent in Russian prior to using a Russian dating agency.
5. Women who use Russian dating agencies are screened. In other words, the scams you hear about are the exception, not the rule. Most women registered with a Russian matchmaking agency are not just looking for a visa or a green card, they really want to find someone to love. These women are not desperate, and are often educated and have careers in Russia. They arent looking for a man to support them, rather they want to fall in love and have a family.
6. The United States will not issue a fiancee visa unless the couple have met at least once face-to-face and can document their relationship. To facilitate the requirements of the U.S. Immigration, many Russian matchmaking agencies will offer trips to meet their Russian clients. Making travel arrangements through a Russian dating services may save you money over booking the trip on your own, and may also put you in touch with other men who are going through the same experiences that you are.
7. Russian dating agencies are growing in popularity every day. Although they still may not be accepted by everyone as a way to meet women, men who have used them in the past have found happiness. And that, after all, is also the end goal of dating agencies; they want all of their clients to find love. If you are interested in meeting a marriage-minded woman and are willing to invest time and effort in your future happiness, a Russian matchmaking agency might be just the thing for you.
http://www.articlesalley.com/article.detail.php/32522/149/Dating/Relationships/34/Seven_Things_You_Should_Know_before_Using_a_Russian_Matchmaking_Service
The business of online matchmaking
A few months ago, in this column, we looked at the re-emergence of Internet business and business models based purely on the Web. Though much of the hype and discussion on the second Internet boom revolves around Google and its impending IPO, numerous small and micro businesses have found a globalised platform and audience, thanks to the power of search. Similar is the case with businesses surviving under the umbrella of eBay. Marketers are also predicting the resurgence of online advertising, especially because of optimistic predictions from the likes of Google and Yahoo that have shown millions of dollars in revenue from such advertising.
I have been a close follower of online trends, right from the heady days of dotcom boom when I helped co-found GaramChai.com—a niche portal for NRI and Indians in the US—that continues to operate to this day. Since the late nineties, several business models have emerged and floundered on the Internet. Many will recall the “eyeball exposure” days when the worth of a portal was valued by the number of eyeballs or hits. Since the tech crash, some sanity has returned to the online world where entrepreneurs continue to make money with their innovative business and operating models.
Among the scores of business ideas out there, online matchmaking has continued to see phenomenal growth. The global Indian online matchmaking and matrimonial business has carved a niche for itself in the cyberspace, and alongside, has lead to a small revolution in the way the tech savvy youth of our generation are contemplating finding a match. The Internet-matrimonial and matchmaking industry is grossing billions of dollars a year and the South-Asian wedding market is experiencing a boom. The Economist magazine estimates the market to be around $11 billion with a growth rate of about 25 percent per year. Indian matrimonial sites and portals have created a successful business by blending personal touch with technology, grossing millions for the entrepreneurs behind the scenes.
The topic is interesting because of both the technical and business angle and as I started gathering data for this column, I decided to expand it into a two part series. In this part of the column, we will look at the innovative use of technology and in the next part we will examine the business model.
Innovative use of technology
Cyber marriages, e-dating, e-mail-love (a la “you’ve-got-mail”) have been eulogised in endless articles in the media, sitcoms and movies; so, what’s new? Not much, except, as the novelty of the Web wears off, so does the infatuation over falling head over heals over an unknown face one met on the Internet. Matchmaking itself is an intricate and complex affair involving innumerable variables including the elusive ‘chemistry,’ ‘love’, etc, which are hard to describe, more so in the Indian context where the families get really involved.
Over the decades, several technologies and techniques, including classified advertisements in newspapers and magazines have been used to expand the scope of one’s search for the ideal partner.
In India, where the concept of ‘arranged’ marriage is still pervasive, individuals also look forward to different channels so that they have a ‘choice.’ Technology is cutting through traditional avenues of matchmaking for Indians, following the western trend where dating sites are among the most highly ranked Internet portals. The demand is definitely there: Educated urbane youngsters contemplating matrimony are increasingly using the power of the Web if not to find “the one” but at least to get a few referrals that they can vet. Use of Internet and the Web is therefore the next evolutionary step in the match-searching process.
The pervasiveness of the Web is fueling an extremely strong business model, as was evident from my recent discussion with Murugavel (Muruga) Janakiraman, founder/ chief executive officer of BharatMatrimony.com, which is actually a collection of regionally focused matrimonial portals with a similar operational engine. Muruga got all animated while describing the success of his portal, claiming that they had successfully matched over 20,000 marriages, including his own: If eating one’s cooking were a measure of success, this is truly a selling point! A team at Sulekha, a popular Indian portal, spent months seeking to build an interactive portal for matrimonial and launched ‘Sangam’ earlier this year (www.sulekha.com/sangam/).
Developing a matrimonial portal is not rocket-science per se since the technologies to integrate search, posting, validating, etc, exist; however, the power of such portal is in the human angle of controlling coordinating and managing the operations. Most online portals employ individuals who vet each posting and photograph for content, accuracy, etc, and to ensure that the bad apples stay away.
In the next part of this column, we will take a closer look at the business models adopted along with the challenges faced by matrimonial portals.
http://www.garamchai.com/mohan/ITP29Mar04.htm
I have been a close follower of online trends, right from the heady days of dotcom boom when I helped co-found GaramChai.com—a niche portal for NRI and Indians in the US—that continues to operate to this day. Since the late nineties, several business models have emerged and floundered on the Internet. Many will recall the “eyeball exposure” days when the worth of a portal was valued by the number of eyeballs or hits. Since the tech crash, some sanity has returned to the online world where entrepreneurs continue to make money with their innovative business and operating models.
Among the scores of business ideas out there, online matchmaking has continued to see phenomenal growth. The global Indian online matchmaking and matrimonial business has carved a niche for itself in the cyberspace, and alongside, has lead to a small revolution in the way the tech savvy youth of our generation are contemplating finding a match. The Internet-matrimonial and matchmaking industry is grossing billions of dollars a year and the South-Asian wedding market is experiencing a boom. The Economist magazine estimates the market to be around $11 billion with a growth rate of about 25 percent per year. Indian matrimonial sites and portals have created a successful business by blending personal touch with technology, grossing millions for the entrepreneurs behind the scenes.
The topic is interesting because of both the technical and business angle and as I started gathering data for this column, I decided to expand it into a two part series. In this part of the column, we will look at the innovative use of technology and in the next part we will examine the business model.
Innovative use of technology
Cyber marriages, e-dating, e-mail-love (a la “you’ve-got-mail”) have been eulogised in endless articles in the media, sitcoms and movies; so, what’s new? Not much, except, as the novelty of the Web wears off, so does the infatuation over falling head over heals over an unknown face one met on the Internet. Matchmaking itself is an intricate and complex affair involving innumerable variables including the elusive ‘chemistry,’ ‘love’, etc, which are hard to describe, more so in the Indian context where the families get really involved.
Over the decades, several technologies and techniques, including classified advertisements in newspapers and magazines have been used to expand the scope of one’s search for the ideal partner.
In India, where the concept of ‘arranged’ marriage is still pervasive, individuals also look forward to different channels so that they have a ‘choice.’ Technology is cutting through traditional avenues of matchmaking for Indians, following the western trend where dating sites are among the most highly ranked Internet portals. The demand is definitely there: Educated urbane youngsters contemplating matrimony are increasingly using the power of the Web if not to find “the one” but at least to get a few referrals that they can vet. Use of Internet and the Web is therefore the next evolutionary step in the match-searching process.
The pervasiveness of the Web is fueling an extremely strong business model, as was evident from my recent discussion with Murugavel (Muruga) Janakiraman, founder/ chief executive officer of BharatMatrimony.com, which is actually a collection of regionally focused matrimonial portals with a similar operational engine. Muruga got all animated while describing the success of his portal, claiming that they had successfully matched over 20,000 marriages, including his own: If eating one’s cooking were a measure of success, this is truly a selling point! A team at Sulekha, a popular Indian portal, spent months seeking to build an interactive portal for matrimonial and launched ‘Sangam’ earlier this year (www.sulekha.com/sangam/).
Developing a matrimonial portal is not rocket-science per se since the technologies to integrate search, posting, validating, etc, exist; however, the power of such portal is in the human angle of controlling coordinating and managing the operations. Most online portals employ individuals who vet each posting and photograph for content, accuracy, etc, and to ensure that the bad apples stay away.
In the next part of this column, we will take a closer look at the business models adopted along with the challenges faced by matrimonial portals.
http://www.garamchai.com/mohan/ITP29Mar04.htm
Matchmaking Aloft
The airline industry these days resembles an executive-suite version of The Matchmaker. Pan Am is flirting with Eastern Airlines and has an eye on Braniff. Northwest Orient last week won permission to take ailing Northeast for better or worse but lost the dowry it had expected. The Civil Aeronautics Board ruled that Northeast's Miami-Los Angeles route was not part of the arrangement—which consequently could fall through. Meanwhile, American and Continental were both vying for Kirk Kerkorian's Western Airlines, and American took over Trans-Caribbean, which flies between the East Coast and some Caribbean points.
The airlines' sudden coziness reflects the fact that misery not only loves, but often needs company—and 1970 was a miserable year. Pan Am and seven of the eleven domestic trunk lines lost a total of at least $125 million during the year. The nine regional airlines collectively lost another $50 million. Only four big lines—Eastern, Continental, Delta and Northwest Orient—showed a profit, mostly because they had the good luck to have busy routes, and made the most efficient use of their planes. Airmen argue that mergers will increase efficiency and reduce costs, and the Nixon Administration seems favorably disposed to the aerial matchmaking.
To save money now, the carriers have been wielding the personnel ax. Last year they laid off 9,000 people, and they expect to fire more this year. Pan Am announced last week that it plans to sack another 1,800 in the near future, including some pilots. The airlines have also reduced their service. Last year 658 flights—5% of the nation's total—were eliminated. Trans World Airlines, which lost $65 million, has replaced two 747s on its Chicago-Los Angeles run with one 707, at least for the winter season.
There is even a move afoot among the lines to charge first-class passengers for drinks. And the airlines have asked permission from the CAB to raise their fares by 10%. Higher fares may discourage even more people from flying, but the industry is in such straits that permission will probably be granted.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,942482,00.html
The airlines' sudden coziness reflects the fact that misery not only loves, but often needs company—and 1970 was a miserable year. Pan Am and seven of the eleven domestic trunk lines lost a total of at least $125 million during the year. The nine regional airlines collectively lost another $50 million. Only four big lines—Eastern, Continental, Delta and Northwest Orient—showed a profit, mostly because they had the good luck to have busy routes, and made the most efficient use of their planes. Airmen argue that mergers will increase efficiency and reduce costs, and the Nixon Administration seems favorably disposed to the aerial matchmaking.
To save money now, the carriers have been wielding the personnel ax. Last year they laid off 9,000 people, and they expect to fire more this year. Pan Am announced last week that it plans to sack another 1,800 in the near future, including some pilots. The airlines have also reduced their service. Last year 658 flights—5% of the nation's total—were eliminated. Trans World Airlines, which lost $65 million, has replaced two 747s on its Chicago-Los Angeles run with one 707, at least for the winter season.
There is even a move afoot among the lines to charge first-class passengers for drinks. And the airlines have asked permission from the CAB to raise their fares by 10%. Higher fares may discourage even more people from flying, but the industry is in such straits that permission will probably be granted.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,942482,00.html
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