NEW YORK - Susan Gladstone's moment came when she turned 50. Divorced, with two children, she was getting tired of asking friends to fix her up and being told they just couldn't think of anyone. And so, she turned to online dating.
Two and a half years and dozens of dates later, Gladstone, an event planner in Miami, hasn't yet found her perfect soul mate. But she's had lots of enjoyable dinner dates, met fascinating people from around the globe, and to her delight has made a number of lasting friendships.
Gladstone is part of a growing trend: people in their 50s and beyond searching the Internet for romance, companionship, sometimes marriage. As in any age group, there are ups and downs. There's the old stale-photo trick (it's him, but 20 years and 30 pounds ago), or the date who asks right away how much money you have, or the ones who say how fabulous you are and then disappear. Still, many older online daters say that even if they haven't found true love — yet — it's been worthwhile.
"I had minor back surgery recently," Gladstone says, "and I got about a half-dozen e-mails from men I'd met online, checking up on how I was! Even if I never meet my partner, I'll be happy for the wonderful friends I've made."
The main reason more mature singles are going online for love is simple: more widespread access to the Internet, hence more familiarity with online dating. And dating sites are catering to older members. Yahoo Personals, for example, has an advice column for users over 50, with tips — on everything from etiquette to sexual health — for those whose romantic radar may be a tad rusty.
Newsweek: Sex and the single baby boomer
Another reason: "Baby boomers are seeing their children use online dating, and watching their success at finding mates," says Rochelle Adams, spokesperson for Yahoo Personals. "They're seeing that it's not such a crazy concept."
Match.com, another large online dating site, says boomers (which it defines as ages 45-59) are its fastest growing segment — they’ve increased by at least 350 percent since 2000, and now number 3 million — or 22 percent of total users. Spokesperson Kristin Kelly says older users tend to be much clearer and more realistic about what they want: “There’s no substitute for the wisdom gained with age.”
Claudia Polley certainly knows what she wants. The beauty of online dating, says the 56-year-old museum consultant from Washington, D.C., is that you can tell right away if someone can write well — a key test for her. "If they can't spell, and they start out with 'Hiya!' — well, I wish them a wonderful life, but not with me."
Polley's work takes her around the globe — Africa, Europe, the Caribbean. "It would be wonderful to share that with someone," she says. Aside from intelligence and flexibility, she looks for wit and humor. Physical appearance is less important. (Surprise! Surveys say appearance is more important to male users.)
So far, Polley's had no major disasters. There have, though, been disappointing moments: "You want someone to be fabulous, and they're not." And so, says Polley, who was briefly married, then widowed, "You just have to say, "OK, well, that's all right. We'll keep looking." (For inspiration she has her daughter, who met her husband online. The first grandchild is due in July.)
NEW YORK - Susan Gladstone's moment came when she turned 50. Divorced, with two children, she was getting tired of asking friends to fix her up and being told they just couldn't think of anyone. And so, she turned to online dating.
Two and a half years and dozens of dates later, Gladstone, an event planner in Miami, hasn't yet found her perfect soul mate. But she's had lots of enjoyable dinner dates, met fascinating people from around the globe, and to her delight has made a number of lasting friendships.
Gladstone is part of a growing trend: people in their 50s and beyond searching the Internet for romance, companionship, sometimes marriage. As in any age group, there are ups and downs. There's the old stale-photo trick (it's him, but 20 years and 30 pounds ago), or the date who asks right away how much money you have, or the ones who say how fabulous you are and then disappear. Still, many older online daters say that even if they haven't found true love — yet — it's been worthwhile.
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"I had minor back surgery recently," Gladstone says, "and I got about a half-dozen e-mails from men I'd met online, checking up on how I was! Even if I never meet my partner, I'll be happy for the wonderful friends I've made."
The main reason more mature singles are going online for love is simple: more widespread access to the Internet, hence more familiarity with online dating. And dating sites are catering to older members. Yahoo Personals, for example, has an advice column for users over 50, with tips — on everything from etiquette to sexual health — for those whose romantic radar may be a tad rusty.
RELATED STORY
Newsweek: Sex and the single baby boomer
Another reason: "Baby boomers are seeing their children use online dating, and watching their success at finding mates," says Rochelle Adams, spokesperson for Yahoo Personals. "They're seeing that it's not such a crazy concept."
Match.com, another large online dating site, says boomers (which it defines as ages 45-59) are its fastest growing segment — they’ve increased by at least 350 percent since 2000, and now number 3 million — or 22 percent of total users. Spokesperson Kristin Kelly says older users tend to be much clearer and more realistic about what they want: “There’s no substitute for the wisdom gained with age.”
Claudia Polley certainly knows what she wants. The beauty of online dating, says the 56-year-old museum consultant from Washington, D.C., is that you can tell right away if someone can write well — a key test for her. "If they can't spell, and they start out with 'Hiya!' — well, I wish them a wonderful life, but not with me."
Polley's work takes her around the globe — Africa, Europe, the Caribbean. "It would be wonderful to share that with someone," she says. Aside from intelligence and flexibility, she looks for wit and humor. Physical appearance is less important. (Surprise! Surveys say appearance is more important to male users.)
So far, Polley's had no major disasters. There have, though, been disappointing moments: "You want someone to be fabulous, and they're not." And so, says Polley, who was briefly married, then widowed, "You just have to say, "OK, well, that's all right. We'll keep looking." (For inspiration she has her daughter, who met her husband online. The first grandchild is due in July.)
Rudy DiLieto is one of the rarer ones: At 51, he's never married. "I wish I had an explanation for that," he says. A New Yorker who works in the fashion industry, he figures he simply enjoyed his independence too much over the years. Now, though, he's more inclined for something serious: "I am looking for that one last romance," his profile reads.
"I absolutely adore women," DiLieto confides, and he goes on at least 10 Internet dates a year. A yearlong relationship ended when the woman wanted to get married, and DiLieto wasn't ready yet. Now, he's happily embarking on a new online courtship.
The only downside, DiLieto says, is when people misrepresent themselves — as in the old-photo trick. "Why lie?" he asks. "It's illogical." One woman a few years back told DiLieto that if she'd given her real age and weight, he wouldn't have called her. His answer? "That's correct."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11844673/
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Bob Shallit: Meet your financial angel on a Web site
Local business consultant Steve Nilan usually helps entrepreneurs launch new companies. Now he's starting his own.
He's partnered with venture capitalist Jack Crawford Jr. on Start-up TV Network, an online business that helps investors hook up with early-stage companies.
The business is still in "stealth" mode. The company's Web site is not operational and an official launch probably won't occur for several months.
But the general idea is to create a Web site that - for a fee - serves as a networking spot for people who back new ventures. As Nilan puts it, a "MySpace for angel investors."
The site will have tools for investors, such as search functions, financial analysis and syndication information.
And - here's where the TV idea comes in - it will include video of entrepreneurs making brief "elevator pitches" about their companies.
"There are other matchmaking sites out there, but none like this," Nilan says.
Down the road, the backers hope to get their concept onto financial cable TV channels. Also in the works: Development of a reality TV show where entrepreneurs compete for funding.
Helping hand: Speaking of Crawford, he just returned from a week of volunteer construction work in New Orleans.
He heard about a disaster relief group called Operation Blessing, then signed up for a seven-day hitch.
He fixed fences, put up drywall, painted, even did some plumbing. Does he have those kinds of skills?
"Not at all," he says. In fact, he expected to be assigned some supervisory tasks. "I'm a venture capitalist, right? I'm good at managing processes."
Instead, he showed up and "They said, 'Here's your crowbar and hammer.'"
The volunteers slept on bunks in a gutted grocery store and ate "MREs" - the military's ready-to-eat meals. Not exactly four-star dining.
But, Crawford says, it was rewarding to play a small role in the city's recovery. And sobering to see the "scale of the devastation" - endless blocks of destroyed neighborhoods.
Small world: One of the Highway 50 corridor's marquee properties has quietly changed hands in a $29 million deal.
Under new ownership is the Catholic Healthcare West regional headquarters at 3400 Data Drive. The place houses about 600 workers - administrative types for CHW and its local Mercy hospitals, employees of the Mercy Foundation, IT folks and others.
It's been owned since 1992 by an L.A. group called Davril Sacramento Properties L.P. The buyers - who made an offer for the property at the suggestion of their broker, Elaine Hartin of Cornish & Carey - have not yet been identified.
CHW moved into the building three years ago. It previously had served as headquarters for Foundation Health Corp., which merged with another firm and became Health Net.
The health insurance firm vacated the building in 2001.
Here's a medical oddity: CHW's previous headquarters site was right around the corner on White Rock Road. One of the current tenants there is ... Health Net.
http://dwb.sacbee.com/content/business/story/14252889p-15068918c.html
He's partnered with venture capitalist Jack Crawford Jr. on Start-up TV Network, an online business that helps investors hook up with early-stage companies.
The business is still in "stealth" mode. The company's Web site is not operational and an official launch probably won't occur for several months.
But the general idea is to create a Web site that - for a fee - serves as a networking spot for people who back new ventures. As Nilan puts it, a "MySpace for angel investors."
The site will have tools for investors, such as search functions, financial analysis and syndication information.
And - here's where the TV idea comes in - it will include video of entrepreneurs making brief "elevator pitches" about their companies.
"There are other matchmaking sites out there, but none like this," Nilan says.
Down the road, the backers hope to get their concept onto financial cable TV channels. Also in the works: Development of a reality TV show where entrepreneurs compete for funding.
Helping hand: Speaking of Crawford, he just returned from a week of volunteer construction work in New Orleans.
He heard about a disaster relief group called Operation Blessing, then signed up for a seven-day hitch.
He fixed fences, put up drywall, painted, even did some plumbing. Does he have those kinds of skills?
"Not at all," he says. In fact, he expected to be assigned some supervisory tasks. "I'm a venture capitalist, right? I'm good at managing processes."
Instead, he showed up and "They said, 'Here's your crowbar and hammer.'"
The volunteers slept on bunks in a gutted grocery store and ate "MREs" - the military's ready-to-eat meals. Not exactly four-star dining.
But, Crawford says, it was rewarding to play a small role in the city's recovery. And sobering to see the "scale of the devastation" - endless blocks of destroyed neighborhoods.
Small world: One of the Highway 50 corridor's marquee properties has quietly changed hands in a $29 million deal.
Under new ownership is the Catholic Healthcare West regional headquarters at 3400 Data Drive. The place houses about 600 workers - administrative types for CHW and its local Mercy hospitals, employees of the Mercy Foundation, IT folks and others.
It's been owned since 1992 by an L.A. group called Davril Sacramento Properties L.P. The buyers - who made an offer for the property at the suggestion of their broker, Elaine Hartin of Cornish & Carey - have not yet been identified.
CHW moved into the building three years ago. It previously had served as headquarters for Foundation Health Corp., which merged with another firm and became Health Net.
The health insurance firm vacated the building in 2001.
Here's a medical oddity: CHW's previous headquarters site was right around the corner on White Rock Road. One of the current tenants there is ... Health Net.
http://dwb.sacbee.com/content/business/story/14252889p-15068918c.html
No Love Lost Between Internet's Legal Business Matchmakers
If you believe Legalmatch.com, one of its competitors is so anxious to horn in on its Internet matchmaking business that it resorted to lies to persuade more than half a dozen workers to jump ship.
Casepost.com doesn't deny hiring those employees, who are now at the center of a $20 million lawsuit filed by Legalmatch in San Francisco Superior Court last January. But a lawyer for the Irvine, Calif.-based company, which plans to file a cross-complaint by next week, said Legalmatch is to blame because it created an unhappy work environment. Both companies help connect lawyers to potential clients.
"We believe that the only reason for filing the lawsuit is just because Casepost is a competitive business right now with Legalmatch, and it's growing," said Brad Mokri, the Santa Ana lawyer defending Casepost and some of its employees.
Don Keane, vice president of marketing for Legalmatch, denied it considers Casepost a threat, saying his 130-employee company is much bigger and "a market leader."
"At the end of the day," he added, "we felt we needed to defend ourselves from a number of illegal practices by Casepost employees."
Legalmatch claims in the complaint that its former CEO -- who is now Casepost's CEO -- has "actively solicited" some Legalmatch staff and "induced" them to violate their employment contracts. The suit also alleges that the CEO, D. Randall Wells, made "false allegations" about Legalmatch's financial status to help persuade them.
In addition to Casepost and Wells, Legalmatch names nine other former employees allegedly hired by Casepost in the last year in the suit. The San Francisco company claims they broke contract provisions prohibiting them from divulging confidential information -- like customer lists -- after leaving the company, and from helping to recruit any Legalmatch workers for at least two years.
Mokri maintains no proprietary information has been shared. Those employees needed no encouragement to leave their old jobs, he added.
"Legalmatch employees were not happy with their work environment, and they contacted Randy Wells," he said.
Ex-Legalmatch workers might have been talking to their former colleagues, Mokri allowed, but said that doesn't mean they did anything wrong.
"When you leave a job, you do communicate with your prior co-workers. It's not against the law to communicate to them, to talk to them, to tell them, 'I left my job,'" Mokri said. "What's missing in [this] case is a factual showing, to show that there's any connection."
Speaking for Legalmatch, Keane said, "We look forward to going to jury."
This is not the first time competition between the two companies has overflowed from the Internet marketplace into a court proceeding.
The founder of Legalmatch, Dmitry Shubov, was indicted in federal court nearly two years ago, accused of illegally accessing Casepost's voicemail with a code in order to listen to and delete the company's messages. Shubov immediately resigned from Legalmatch and, according to court records, has since pleaded guilty to one count and received probation.
http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1146051863877
Casepost.com doesn't deny hiring those employees, who are now at the center of a $20 million lawsuit filed by Legalmatch in San Francisco Superior Court last January. But a lawyer for the Irvine, Calif.-based company, which plans to file a cross-complaint by next week, said Legalmatch is to blame because it created an unhappy work environment. Both companies help connect lawyers to potential clients.
"We believe that the only reason for filing the lawsuit is just because Casepost is a competitive business right now with Legalmatch, and it's growing," said Brad Mokri, the Santa Ana lawyer defending Casepost and some of its employees.
Don Keane, vice president of marketing for Legalmatch, denied it considers Casepost a threat, saying his 130-employee company is much bigger and "a market leader."
"At the end of the day," he added, "we felt we needed to defend ourselves from a number of illegal practices by Casepost employees."
Legalmatch claims in the complaint that its former CEO -- who is now Casepost's CEO -- has "actively solicited" some Legalmatch staff and "induced" them to violate their employment contracts. The suit also alleges that the CEO, D. Randall Wells, made "false allegations" about Legalmatch's financial status to help persuade them.
In addition to Casepost and Wells, Legalmatch names nine other former employees allegedly hired by Casepost in the last year in the suit. The San Francisco company claims they broke contract provisions prohibiting them from divulging confidential information -- like customer lists -- after leaving the company, and from helping to recruit any Legalmatch workers for at least two years.
Mokri maintains no proprietary information has been shared. Those employees needed no encouragement to leave their old jobs, he added.
"Legalmatch employees were not happy with their work environment, and they contacted Randy Wells," he said.
Ex-Legalmatch workers might have been talking to their former colleagues, Mokri allowed, but said that doesn't mean they did anything wrong.
"When you leave a job, you do communicate with your prior co-workers. It's not against the law to communicate to them, to talk to them, to tell them, 'I left my job,'" Mokri said. "What's missing in [this] case is a factual showing, to show that there's any connection."
Speaking for Legalmatch, Keane said, "We look forward to going to jury."
This is not the first time competition between the two companies has overflowed from the Internet marketplace into a court proceeding.
The founder of Legalmatch, Dmitry Shubov, was indicted in federal court nearly two years ago, accused of illegally accessing Casepost's voicemail with a code in order to listen to and delete the company's messages. Shubov immediately resigned from Legalmatch and, according to court records, has since pleaded guilty to one count and received probation.
http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1146051863877
Free RSS Reader for Symbian S60 Smartphones
First Ad-Enabled RSS-Newsreader supported by SOMA™ Mobile Advertising Platform - Smaato News is the first Symbian application using the new SOMA™ mobile advertising platform, which allows developers to show advertising within their applications.
San Mateo - Smaato Inc has announced the availability of it’s free RSS news reader software Smaato News for Symbian S60 smartphones. Smaato News is the first Symbian application using the new SOMA™ mobile advertising platform, which allows developers to show advertising within their applications. The existing versions for Palm OS and Windows Mobile have been updated. All versions can be downloaded for free at http://www.smaato.com/ now
Smaato News is an easy to use mobile RSS newsreader for smartphones. Mobile users can subscribe to their favorite news feeds or blogs directly on their phones and read them "off-line". Featured feeds include: CNN News, BBC News, digg technology, Engadget and SymbianOne. The newly released Symbian version supports popular Symbian S60 2nd Edition smartphones, including Nokia N70, N90 and the Nokia 66xx phones.
The integration of the recently announced SOMA™ (Smaato Open Mobile Advertising) allows Smaato to give this commercial-grade software to the users for free. The in-application advertising platform offers unique matchmaking between brands and mobile consumers. With the addition of the Symbian mobile phones (e.g. from handset manufacturers like Nokia) SOMA’s reach extends now to over 120 million new smartphones out in the market today estimated by ABI Research - covering Windows Mobile, Palm and Symbian mobile operating systems.
Mercedes, Microsoft and Allianz are among the first brands working with SOMA™ and distributing their targeted mobile advertising with the applications Smaato Cost and Smaato News. SOMA supports recommended ad-formats by the MMA (the global Mobile Marketing Association) that are contextually integrated into the mobile user- experience.
“We feel that SOMA is a revolutionary solution for developers, end- users and advertisers”, says Ragnar Kruse, CEO of Smaato Inc. “Today’s mobile life is moving extremely fast. No one wants to spend hundreds of dollars for a set of applications, which won’t run on the next device, someone buys just 6 months later. Selling mobile software is extremely difficult for developers today. We help save their marketing costs and free them from the very labor-intensive license handling. The users get high quality software for free or for a substantially reduced price”.
SOMA’s patent-pending mobile advertising platform is initially focusing on in-application advertising for mobile software. Smaato provides the key technologies of its mobile advertising platform as an open interface for developers and content providers, for marketing their mobile solutions by deploying the SOMA™ platform.
Smaato Inc. recently has been chosen by AlwaysOn Media as one of the Top 100 Private Company award winners. The AO Media 100 is a power list of the top private digital media companies. Smaato was handpicked based on a set of five criteria – innovation, market potential, customer adoption, media buzz and investor value creation.
Smaato Inc. is based in San Mateo, California. The company was founded in 2005 by an experienced international management team. The European headquarter is in Hamburg, Germany. For more information please visit www.smaato.com. SOMA™ is a registered trademark of Smaato Inc.
http://www.symbianer.com/post/Free-RSS-Reader-for-Symbian-S60-Smartphones.html
San Mateo - Smaato Inc has announced the availability of it’s free RSS news reader software Smaato News for Symbian S60 smartphones. Smaato News is the first Symbian application using the new SOMA™ mobile advertising platform, which allows developers to show advertising within their applications. The existing versions for Palm OS and Windows Mobile have been updated. All versions can be downloaded for free at http://www.smaato.com/ now
Smaato News is an easy to use mobile RSS newsreader for smartphones. Mobile users can subscribe to their favorite news feeds or blogs directly on their phones and read them "off-line". Featured feeds include: CNN News, BBC News, digg technology, Engadget and SymbianOne. The newly released Symbian version supports popular Symbian S60 2nd Edition smartphones, including Nokia N70, N90 and the Nokia 66xx phones.
The integration of the recently announced SOMA™ (Smaato Open Mobile Advertising) allows Smaato to give this commercial-grade software to the users for free. The in-application advertising platform offers unique matchmaking between brands and mobile consumers. With the addition of the Symbian mobile phones (e.g. from handset manufacturers like Nokia) SOMA’s reach extends now to over 120 million new smartphones out in the market today estimated by ABI Research - covering Windows Mobile, Palm and Symbian mobile operating systems.
Mercedes, Microsoft and Allianz are among the first brands working with SOMA™ and distributing their targeted mobile advertising with the applications Smaato Cost and Smaato News. SOMA supports recommended ad-formats by the MMA (the global Mobile Marketing Association) that are contextually integrated into the mobile user- experience.
“We feel that SOMA is a revolutionary solution for developers, end- users and advertisers”, says Ragnar Kruse, CEO of Smaato Inc. “Today’s mobile life is moving extremely fast. No one wants to spend hundreds of dollars for a set of applications, which won’t run on the next device, someone buys just 6 months later. Selling mobile software is extremely difficult for developers today. We help save their marketing costs and free them from the very labor-intensive license handling. The users get high quality software for free or for a substantially reduced price”.
SOMA’s patent-pending mobile advertising platform is initially focusing on in-application advertising for mobile software. Smaato provides the key technologies of its mobile advertising platform as an open interface for developers and content providers, for marketing their mobile solutions by deploying the SOMA™ platform.
Smaato Inc. recently has been chosen by AlwaysOn Media as one of the Top 100 Private Company award winners. The AO Media 100 is a power list of the top private digital media companies. Smaato was handpicked based on a set of five criteria – innovation, market potential, customer adoption, media buzz and investor value creation.
Smaato Inc. is based in San Mateo, California. The company was founded in 2005 by an experienced international management team. The European headquarter is in Hamburg, Germany. For more information please visit www.smaato.com. SOMA™ is a registered trademark of Smaato Inc.
http://www.symbianer.com/post/Free-RSS-Reader-for-Symbian-S60-Smartphones.html
Matchmaking 101 by Shira Hirschman Weiss
I was single not too long ago and a part of me still is: when I eventually met and married my husband, I knew I could not allow myself to forget the struggle of dating. I shudder when friends tell me about perfectly mismatched blind dates, vicariously taken aback by how off the mark suggestions can be. Having made three successful matches in my single days, I also could not overlook the matchmakers who tried so hard to get it right. So, I promised myself I would accept that same responsibility when setting up friends and acquaintances - I try very hard to get it right. Here, then, are some of my suggestions - as well as pitfalls I've encountered now that I have dedicated myself to helping others find their match too.
When it comes to setting people up, I light up at the thought of how much these two people have in common, how they are capable of the highest form of intellectual discourse, and alas, what a wonderful marriage it will be. I become exhilarated when I hear about impossible romantic endings that actually panned out in real life. Not so fast!
Matchmaking comes with a price and I'm not talking about the green stuff. When I was only 20 and living with my parents, their friends would kindly suggest matches for me, and I would almost immediately agree to give out my phone number. About 90 dates and three failed relationships into the process, I was living on the Upper West Side often feeling like a has-been at the ridiculously young age of 25. I had either "dated everyone," "met everyone and was everyone's friend" or was seriously "checking into" guys from Brooklyn whose names were mentioned to me.
The matchmaking system had molded me into a Cautious Female Dater, one less inclined to accept a potential date because "it's just a date," and one whose antenna was always up for possible "warning signs." I could have used a more personalized and secure approach when I was dating online, but the options were limited then. At that time, I had my profile on a quite popular dating site and my picture was viewable to all members. I walked to shul on Shabbat slightly paranoid, half expecting someone to point to me and say: "Ha ha, I saw your cheesecake picture online!" To the contrary, through sawyouatsinai.com for whom I am now a matchmaker, singles pick their personal matchmakers who only show profiles and pictures to potential matches and are not available for public viewing.
As I try my hand at matchmaking, I employ a personalized approach: I suggest meeting with singles face-to-face before setting them up, to get a better feel for whom they truly are offline and what they are looking for. When I think back to my own experiences with matchmakers, I remember the one whose approach really irked me. By not getting back to me to let me know where things stood, I felt she had rejected me. As a matchmaker, I always follow up (appropriately, not in an in-your-face manner) because it is an essential part of my job.
In all aspects of life and not just with matchmaking, I try to be extremely tactful and avoid bluntness to the point of hurtfulness. Shockingly, this approach is not shared by all of my contemporaries and I have heard shadchanim say "you are not his look"or "perhaps you should try to lose a few pounds." I am the first to suggest eye-catching, yet modest outfits that will elicit appropriate interest from my friends' dates. But, matchmaking is not a series of Extreme Makeovers and we are not personal trainers, hair gurus or fashionistas.
We are agents who act on behalf of singles to find their most ideal matches. We try our best and that is our promise to singles as mothers, fathers, homemakers, career people and otherwise active individuals who remember life before marriage and frustrations in dating. Because we can empathize, we hope to make a difference.
Shira Hirschman Weiss is a matchmaker for SawYouAtSinai, a writer and a PR Consultant. SawYouAtSinai.com: The only screened, discreet dating site with over 5,000 singles and 130 matchmakers! In just 8 months, hundreds are dating, 9 couples are engaged and 2 are married.
http://www.ocweb.org/index.php/singles/articles/matchmaking_101_by_shira_hirschman_weiss/
When it comes to setting people up, I light up at the thought of how much these two people have in common, how they are capable of the highest form of intellectual discourse, and alas, what a wonderful marriage it will be. I become exhilarated when I hear about impossible romantic endings that actually panned out in real life. Not so fast!
Matchmaking comes with a price and I'm not talking about the green stuff. When I was only 20 and living with my parents, their friends would kindly suggest matches for me, and I would almost immediately agree to give out my phone number. About 90 dates and three failed relationships into the process, I was living on the Upper West Side often feeling like a has-been at the ridiculously young age of 25. I had either "dated everyone," "met everyone and was everyone's friend" or was seriously "checking into" guys from Brooklyn whose names were mentioned to me.
The matchmaking system had molded me into a Cautious Female Dater, one less inclined to accept a potential date because "it's just a date," and one whose antenna was always up for possible "warning signs." I could have used a more personalized and secure approach when I was dating online, but the options were limited then. At that time, I had my profile on a quite popular dating site and my picture was viewable to all members. I walked to shul on Shabbat slightly paranoid, half expecting someone to point to me and say: "Ha ha, I saw your cheesecake picture online!" To the contrary, through sawyouatsinai.com for whom I am now a matchmaker, singles pick their personal matchmakers who only show profiles and pictures to potential matches and are not available for public viewing.
As I try my hand at matchmaking, I employ a personalized approach: I suggest meeting with singles face-to-face before setting them up, to get a better feel for whom they truly are offline and what they are looking for. When I think back to my own experiences with matchmakers, I remember the one whose approach really irked me. By not getting back to me to let me know where things stood, I felt she had rejected me. As a matchmaker, I always follow up (appropriately, not in an in-your-face manner) because it is an essential part of my job.
In all aspects of life and not just with matchmaking, I try to be extremely tactful and avoid bluntness to the point of hurtfulness. Shockingly, this approach is not shared by all of my contemporaries and I have heard shadchanim say "you are not his look"or "perhaps you should try to lose a few pounds." I am the first to suggest eye-catching, yet modest outfits that will elicit appropriate interest from my friends' dates. But, matchmaking is not a series of Extreme Makeovers and we are not personal trainers, hair gurus or fashionistas.
We are agents who act on behalf of singles to find their most ideal matches. We try our best and that is our promise to singles as mothers, fathers, homemakers, career people and otherwise active individuals who remember life before marriage and frustrations in dating. Because we can empathize, we hope to make a difference.
Shira Hirschman Weiss is a matchmaker for SawYouAtSinai, a writer and a PR Consultant. SawYouAtSinai.com: The only screened, discreet dating site with over 5,000 singles and 130 matchmakers! In just 8 months, hundreds are dating, 9 couples are engaged and 2 are married.
http://www.ocweb.org/index.php/singles/articles/matchmaking_101_by_shira_hirschman_weiss/
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