How to Attract Love Into Your Life

We all want love. Can we agree on that? So what keeps us from having more love in our lives? At least these four things:

1. We don't really think we're worthy-we believe messages we've heard from parents, friends, etc. that if we only (fill in the blank), we could have what we want. So we keep trying to fill what we see as an empty bucket, instead of coming from "I'm ok as I am."
2. We get too easily discouraged. We reach out to people at networking functions, place personal ads, go to singles dances, wait for someone who's said "I'll call you" and we give up when it doesn't happen as we hoped it would.
3. We're ambivalent about what matters most, so we send mixed messages.
4. We have expectations and demands about the way love has to be.

Four ways to bring more love into your life:

1) Do whatever it takes to experience yourself as lovable. Use Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life or Shakti Gawain's I Deserve Love or go to a library or bookstore's self-help section and browse through books until you find one that speaks to you. Hay suggests saying as often (even 300 times a day) as needed, "I approve of myself." What I've found when I do that is it replaces my old tapes. Just as you can record over a cassette or a video and get a new movie or musical piece, so you can get a new belief by "recording" different thoughts and words. Even though there are some areas in my life I'd like different, I can find lots of ways I do approve of myself. The more you are okay with yourself, the more others are okay with you.

Notice what a center of attraction a self-confident, self-loving person is. Many even find self-confidence an aphrodisiac, a sexual magnet. It's not hard to believe that even people with self-assurance have some areas they would like to be different. However, they focus on what works, instead of paying attention to what could be better. What will draw people to you is their sense that you are (in the words of God in Walsch's Conversations with God) fully expressing all of who you are. In Walsch's book 3, talking about relationships, God says on page 232 that "relationship has only one purpose. It exists as a vehicle for you to decide and to declare, to create and to express, to experience and to fulfill your highest notion of Who You Really Are." And if you are seeking to be love, "you will be doing loving things with others, for your Self-so that you can actualize and experience your grandest idea about your Self and Who You Really Are." I love Walsch's books; in them, God is totally supportive of each person really (my words) "getting off on" they are. Can you imagine how desirable you would be to others if you exuded self-respect, assurance, clarity about who you really are.

2) To get to that place of self-love, you can never give up. Figure out what matters and hold the vision, as strongly as Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa did. Your purpose, to attract to you what would make your life richly fulfilling. You simply can't give up on that. Read Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich or John-Roger & Peter McWilliams' Do It! or check amazon.com for a book that deals with persistence, self-love, commitment to self, purpose, goals, and the like. If one thing you're doing isn't working, try something else. Get a support person who with whom you exchange calls every day to share wins, and support each other. Sometimes to attract love in your life you need to complete projects that will give you personal satisfaction, so you can feel good about yourself.

• One way is through questions to/from your support partner:
• "How did it feel to work out?"
• "Who will you call to ask about taking a class?"
• "What time will you spend writing your article"
• "What singles event are you attending this week?"
• "How did you nurture yourself today?"
• "What was the one extra thing you did today to show your commitment?"
  

Support is critical. If you could have done it on your own, you would have already. Join a Mastermind group, or check out listserves like www.listbot.com, www.egroups.com, www.onelist.com (where I do a weekly letter called AskYourself). They will have dozens of groups you can be part of, many of which offer support. For instance, go to www.egroups.com for a conversationswithgod group.

3) The biggest antidote to ambivalence is doing what it takes to get to clarity.

If you're not sure if you want marriage or just a short romance, children or no children, this man or that man, ask: What do I need to get clear? You may come up with journaling-writing stream of consciousness pages on this vs. that, or on "What I am resisting right now" or on "my last ten years" written from the perspective of 2010. You may well be in a similar state of non-clarity ten years from now if you don't write/talk/figure out what you need to know and do now to be certain about what is important enough in your life to commit to.

One thing you might say over and over when you are feeling confused is "I know what I want to do", "What choice would feel most fulfilling right now?" Another useful tactic is to sit quietly, or go on a walk by yourself, or daydream by the water and not have an agenda other than "clarity" or "my next step." Sometimes trusting the process is the smartest thing to do. There's nothing wrong with a Pros and Cons list, or with asking a friend's opinion, or testing out different ways to make your life meaningful. But at some point, if you're still not moving forward, you might just make a choice. "I will take dancing lessons." "I will place a personals ad." Check out Kaufmann's Happiness is a Choice.

4) With clarity comes a good deal of peace and renewed energy. Now you need to be aware of what demands you have put on your outside world. It's always fine to have preferences-slim vs. heavy, blond vs. brunette, 45 vs. 60 years, monogamy vs. several partners. And if you have done your writing/ reading/ discussing/ pondering about what you're here on earth for, you will know what is essential and what is peripheral. You still need to distinguish between preferences, expectations and requirements. If you don't have clarity about your boundaries, about what is or is not fulfilling, you may allow the merely acceptable instead of the desirable into your life. I am not advocating that you take whatever comes your way, nor am I suggesting that you be rigid.

What I am saying is that we all have our positives and negatives, and that if a partner meets most of our needs, it probably does not serve the relationship to harp on the missing pieces, to say, "if only he" While it can be wise to ask if your partner would be willing to call when she will be late/ to give him breathing space when he first comes home, it is probably not useful to assume he doesn't love you if he wants to go out with the guys or that she's losing interest because she said no to sex twice.

If you think about it, we're talking about CPR for having what you want: Clarity, Persistence, and knowing your real Requirements.

For a larger perspective, Thomas Leonard's The Portable Coach has a chapter "Become Irresistibly Attractive to Yourself. I'll note the 10 headings. Check out the content on www.topten.org (search for that title). You can also read more at www.thomasleonard.com.

1. Stop doing what you know is bad for you and start nourishing yourself.
2. Stop trying to meet anyone else's expectations and start meeting your own.
3. Stop being good and start being radical (such as Let go of doing something that you're being pressured to do).
4. Stop comparing yourself to others and start identifying your own measures.
5. Stop setting yourself up and start making life easy on you.
6. Stop setting other people up and start underpromising.
7. Stop waiting and start trusting your inklings.
8. Stop chasing and start appreciating(It's better to spend your energies attaining all of a nearby goal than absolutely none of a distant goal)
9. Stop trying to become somebody and just be yourself.
10. Stop having problems and start solving them.
11. 
    

http://www.singlescafe.net/attractlove.html?authorname=Moreah%20Vestan

You Can Sit A Little Closer (If You're Nice)

Allen Schiffenbauer and R. Steven Schiavo did an interesting little experiment. They had a confederate (i.e. an ally of the experimenter who pretends to be a subject) sit either close to the subjects (2 feet), or far from the subjects (5 feet). In addition, the confederate behaved in either a likeable, neutral, or unlikable fashion toward the subjects.

What they found was when the confederate behaved in a LIKEABLE fashion, the subjects tended to LIKE the confederate MORE when the confederate sat CLOSER to the subjects than when the confederate sat farther away. Also, when the confederate behaved in an UNLIKABLE fashion, the subjects tended to DISLIKE the confederate MORE when the confederate sat CLOSER to the subjects than when the confederate sat farther away. Neutral behavior wasn't really affected.

So the moral of the story is...

If you're nice, and you feel you're making a pretty good impression on a woman, then it would be to your benefit to decrease the distance between the two of you... slightly. Sit a little closer. Stand a little closer. (A LITTLE closer. Don't lay all over her.) Or use body language techniques to decrease the "psychological" distance between the two of you (such as direct eye contact, open relaxed posture, leaning the body or head towards her, etc.).

On the other hand, if you feel you're not making as great an impression as you'd like, then it might be best to keep your distance... minimize the damage somewhat until you're more on top of your game. (Of course, this particular strategy wouldn't apply to any of you.)

What we're talking about here is simply one of the many ways available that you can subtly boost physiological arousal in women... and thus boost their emotional responses toward you. Sitting or standing closer to her will boost her arousal. In addition, you become the object of her attention... simply because it's hard to ignore someone who's close to you.

But remember, the key is to make sure that she likes you first. Then you can focus your attention on boosting that emotion.

http://www.singlescafe.net/closer.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

From Like to Love - secrets of meeting, dating, attracting women and girls.

So you've met the girl of your dreams, the one that makes your heart go apitter-patter, the one you intend to marry and churn out midgets with, the one you've been waiting for your entire life. The only problem is, you're not the man of her dreams. Oh she likes you okay, doesn't mind spending a little time with you now and then, but doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with you. She wants to be "just friends." Arrggghh!

I feel your pain, brother.

One of the most common questions I get from Don Juaners is how to go about turning a friendship into a love relationship. How to charm this girl that you know, this girl that you fantasize about, the one who wants to be "just friends." How to make her fall head over heels for you and, perhaps even, start her thinking a few deliciously lustful thoughts about your derriere (the tramp!).

Well, I'll tell you right up front, there is no ONE technique. No ONE method or secret that will get her awantin' you bad. It's a combination of hundreds of little things. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you think, and everything you believe make up your PERSONALITY. And it's your personality which will be the impetus for her liking you, loving you, or even hating you.

Remember, your dream girl's no idiot. She wants the total package. She's not going to fall for some dopey little trick you picked up some place on the internet. However, she may fall for hundreds of dopey little tricks that you've mastered and incorporated into your own unique personality. Now given that you understand the "total package" concept, there are definitely a few things that you can do - focus on - which can help you out in this area. Things which will greatly increase the probability of her experiencing the desired emotional response toward you (that being increased liking, increased attraction, and maybe even love).

Today we're going to discuss a psychological phenomenon known as Response Facilitation (RF). RF refers to the process of strengthening the dominant response in a particular situation. For our purposes here, we're going to use it to refer to the strengthening of emotional responses. In other words, making that girl who sorta likes you, REALLY like you. And making that girl who sees you as a "friend," see you as, maybe, a little more than that. However, keep in mind that RF can work in other, unwanted directions as well. That is, you could take a girl who dislikes you, and make her REALLY dislike you. Take a girl who is angry at you, and make her REALLY angry at you. Or a girl who is afraid of you, and make her REALLY afraid of you. In other words, an intensification of her dominant emotional response toward you. So beware. So how can we intensify emotional responses via RF?

Well, before we get into that, let's briefly delve into the nature of emotions themselves.

Emotions basically consist of two parts: a cognitive component (what you're thinking) and a physiological component (what you're feeling). The cognitive, thinking component determines WHAT emotion you're feeling... while the physiological, feeling component determines the INTENSITY of that emotion. For example, if you're angry with someone, you're thinking all kinds of "angry" thoughts about that person (He's an idiot! This is not fair! I'm going to kill him!). You're also experiencing certain physiological sensations throughout your body that indicate to you that you're a little more than just displeased (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intense the physiological aspects become, the angrier you FEEL. Okay, so how about love? You meet the girl of your dreams, and you begin thinking: "My God, she's beautiful. She's adorable, charming, and witty. I think I'm in love!" Your body also begins a somewhat automatic reaction to her presence... or maybe even just the thought of her (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "in love" you feel. And what a wonderful feeling it is.

So... notice anything interesting about the two emotions above? Yes, the physiological components are pretty much the same. The difference between being extremely angry, and being in a state of infatuation or love, has more to do with the cognitive, thinking component, than with the physiological, "feeling" component. You're thinking "angry" thoughts in the first example, and "love" thoughts in the second. Your body is reacting pretty much the same in both instances. And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "angry" or "in love" you feel. (Ever heard that saying that there's a fine line between love and hate?)

Now we're not saying that the physiological response is EXACTLY the same. It's not. But for our purposes here, they're similar enough that we can treat them as if they're the same.

So the "secret" is that we can use states of physiological arousal to intensify emotional responses. Remember, the arousal part of emotions is pretty similar from one emotion to the next, and the amount of arousal present determines the INTENSITY of the experienced emotion. Thus, it would be to our benefit to set up situations where our "dream girl" is highly likely to experience increased levels of arousal, and to pair ourselves with that arousal.

So, in a nutshell, we should be able to take a girl who likes us (mild physiological arousal when we're around) and make her REALLY like us, by adding "extra" arousal to the situation. The extra arousal will summate with that arousal which is already present so as to increase the intensity of her emotional response toward us. How bout a real world example. A few years ago two of my friends, we'll call them Bob and Julie, decided that they wanted to get in shape. So they started going to the gym together and working out almost every day. Now these two were complete opposites... two people that you couldn't possibly imagine ever getting together... two people that had no business even considering the idea.

Now I'm watching this situation with great interest to see what, if anything, develops. Two complete opposites working out together every day. The physiological arousal from their workouts creating the perfect environment for RF occur... and a "love" relationship to bloom.

Yes, I pretty much "knew" what was going to happen. But I didn't say anything to either of them. This, in my warped little mind, would be an excellent little experiment. And would be a great test of the "power" of RF. Could it actually pull two people together who were complete opposites? I wanted to know.

Well, by now you can probably guess what happened. Within a few weeks they were boinkin' like crazy... hanging all over each other like a couple of love-sick teenagers (yuk!).

Yes, the physiological arousal from their workouts was so powerful in intensifying emotional responses that it paired off even complete opposites. Fascinating!

(Incidentally, guys, the girl was drop-dead gorgeous and the guy was average-looking at best.)

Similar things happen all the time, although most people don't really understand what's going on.

Take the couple who "gets off" on having sex in public places. What they're essentially doing is taking the excitement generated from doing it in public, and the fear of possibly getting caught, and using that extra bit of arousal to energize their sex lives, and their feelings for one another. Or how about the couple that regularly gets into heated arguments with one another, maybe even escalating into acts of physical violence... but usually winds up ending the night with extremely hot and passionate sex. They're basically using their anger arousal to fuel their passion for one another. Or ever notice that movies are funnier when you watch them with others than when you watch them by yourself. The presence of others is arousing, and this extra arousal helps to intensify our reactions to the movie. (Remember that tip I gave you a while back, that if a woman laughs at your lame jokes, then she probably likes you. Same thing.)

Okay, so how do WE use physiological arousal to make her "love" us... or at least like us a little more? (Arguments, fighting, fear, and other sources of negative arousal are NOT recommended by the way. It's best if the arousal you're using is of a pleasurable, or at least neutral, nature.) Answer: By simply doing enjoyable yet arousing things together. There is an endless variety of physiologically arousing things you can do with your "dream girl" which can help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you (and, by the way, intensifying YOUR emotional reactions toward her... you were warned). Most of these things involve something which I've come to label FUN. Now most people don't have a clue what FUN is or how to go about achieving it. And it's usually the last thing on their minds when trying to decide what to do on a date. After all, dates are supposed to be tense, stressful, serious, getting-to-know-one-another things. Right?

Wrong!

You know, now, that FUN and arousal leads to love and passion. You just have to use your imagination and come up with some innovative ways to generate the "extra" arousal you're going to need.

Ever had a "date" at an amusement park? What FUN! Thrilling rollercoasters, drenching waterslides, breath-taking ferris wheels. What a perfect date. What an arousing date.

Instead of dinner and a movie, how about dinner and dancing. Movies do nothing but take your minds OFF one another for a couple hours. But dancing involves FUN and arousal. Excellent. I've already mentioned working out together. Not only will the physiological arousal make you look more appealing to her, but you just might wind up getting in shape too.

How bout those new indoor rock climbing places popping up all over? Or bowling? Or riding your bicycles together? Or rollerblading? Or a friendly match of tennis? Or a concert or sporting event where you get to stand up and yell a lot? These all involve FUN and arousing experiences and will help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you. Do you have a motorcycle? This is a goldmine. Stick her on the back of it (unless she's deathly afraid of it). Not only will she be physiologically aroused from the ride, but, as a side benefit, she's got her arms wrapped around you the whole time. mmm.

I've mentioned just a few of the hundreds of ways available to boost the arousal level. Use your imagination. And always listen for any suggestions she has that involve increased arousal and say, "That sounds like FUN."

http://www.singlescafe.net/like.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

The Magic Formula

The dating scene can be murder. Consider the plight of the male antechinus, a tiny shrewlike marsupial that inhabits the forests of Australia. During his one and only mating season, he must scamper around feverishly, desperately seeking a willing female who'll concede him his single chance to propagate. So overwhelmed is he by the urge to merge that this sad little rodent may go bald, lose his teeth, develop ulcers and drop one-third of his body weight to find a date. By the end of the first week of mating season, the forest floor is strewn with scrawny, hairless, toothless corpses.

Not all of these marsupials end up in such a pathetic state. Some actually do find mates, settle down, have a family, invest in slow-growth mutual funds. But these are the lucky ones, the chosen ones, the ones who have what it takes to strike a female antechinus's fancy. Which makes us wonder: What is it, exactly, that makes one tiny hairless rodent more appealing than the next?

Better yet, what makes a normal, red-blooded man more appealing than the next? After all, we're animals too - not tiny, no, but increasingly hairless - and we're driven by the same instincts and participate in our own elaborate mating rituals. And when it comes to mating, some of us have our virtual pick of the litter while others struggle endlessly to find a partner. Why is that?

The answer lies in the nature of attraction. In humans, as in shrews, females are biologically programmed to desire certain things in males, and vice versa. "We don't attract women by chance, but rather women act on cues to certain desirable characteristics," says David M. Buss, Ph.D., University of Michigan professor of psychology and author of the book "The Evolution Of Desire." And that's not because of what society tells women; it's because of what evolution tells them. "The rules of attraction cut across all cultures," says Helen E. Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University anthropologist and author of the book "Anatomy of Love." "Women find certain traits more desirable than others, frankly, because these traits enhance their survival."

What all females, forest-dwelling or condo-owning, seek on a purely instinctive level is status, that one factor that signals that this is the guy they want. In the wild kingdom, status can take any number of forms: the amount of food in a male red-winged blackbird's territory, the protein-rich secretions offered by a male insect or the fullness of some male deer's antlers. For humans, it's no different. "It's the hallmark of the human animal - that women pick good providers - and status is a cue to power, protection and resources," says Fisher. Volumes of research clearly show that high-status men get more women than low-status men.

But what is status, and what marks one man as having it and another as falling short? It's money and power, yes, but it's a lot of other things, too. While having piles of cash and sleek wheels can be impressive, they cannot explain why Joe Schlump in accounting has such a drop-dead beauty queen for a wife when his paltry paycheck and 1975 Pacer aren't exactly big turn-ons. His status may not lie in his looks or trapping but rather in his dependability, his trustworthiness or his potential to be a good father. These are also signs of status - and they mean a lot more to some women than Maseratis and indoor swimming pools.

So perhaps you're a little jealous and you'd like to know what she sees in him. Or perhaps you're happy as a clam and you're still trying to figure out what she sees in you. Simple qualities, some of which you already possess, and some of which, if you don't now, you can. By making subtle, deliberate changes, you can increase your "mate value," the biological measure by which women subconsciously judge your attractiveness.

AMBITION. Ambition is a powerful magnet, not because it signifies status but because it signifies future status. Right now your bank account may be bulgin, but if you're not striving - or at least appearing to be striving - for something better than you have, your appeal wanes. That's because women are attracted not simply to the resources wealth offers but to the drive that pushes a man to seek wealth in the first place.

When women are asked to list the most desirable traits in a potential mate, ambition and industriousness are rated as indispensable. "Women developed desires for men who show a talent for gaining resources and a disdain for men who lack ambition," says Buss. In prehistoric times, an ambitious, resourceful man was the one most likely to bring home an elk to feed the family and figure out a way to use the antlers to beat back intruders. If you show the desire to expand your wealth and influence (even if you don't happen to have any right now), you send out the signal that you're desirable. So keep looking for new responsibilities, new challenges; a little button-down derring-do can do wonders for your appeal.

BALANCE. While you're out there trying to change your little slice of the world, remember to take some time to relax and enjoy yourself. Women look for balance, and any kind of overindulgence, good or bad, makes them nervous. "If you meet a woman and you give evidence you're a workaholic, that tells her you may not be around to help with the kids and invest in the relationship," says Buss. The same goes for your drinking, your exercising, your football watching: If you eat, drink and breathe sports, you're not going to score. All things in moderation.

MODESTY. Like a peacock displaying his superior plumage to potential mates, a man who is sure of himself and shows it in his actions has higher success in finding a partner. But self-confidence must be legitimate to have any pull. "Women are quite good at distinguishing false bravado from real self-confidence," says Buss. Exaggerating your power, sexual adeptness or athletic prowess, which are acts of an amateur, will only signify your lack of status. Even the peacock can run into trouble, as his ostentatious display often attracts predators as well as sex partners.

TALENT. Boast not with words but with actions. Learn a unique talent that sets you apart from other men. By displaying that talent - whether it's playing the piano at a party, building a birdhouse or performing a magic trick (hell, David Copperfield used magic to snag Claudia Schiffer), you'll come off as supremely confident and a guy who's head and shoulders above the competition. "And you garner attention, a potent status cue," says Buss. "Plus, showing off your competence signals a take-charge kind of leadership, which is a cue to status."

SENSITIVITY, NOT SIMPERING. A little vulnerability every now and then may actually enhance you're desirability and status. In one study, women looked at sets of responses to questions answered either from a masculine point of view or an "androgynous" viewpoint - meaning a mix of both feminine and masculine traits. The women rated the androgynous male as more favorable in terms of intelligence, morality, dating and mating potential.

But here men have to walk a fine line. "As the feminine side grew, sexual attractiveness declined," says study author Robert Cramer, Ph.D., professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino. That's because, for all the talk of making men more sensitive, the truth is that "Women admire men who have firm beliefs, take control in financial or career decisions and protect them when they feel threatened," says Cramer. The key is to exhibit emotional sensitivity without exhibiting helplessness.

Do: Admit when you're wrong or ask for directions when you're lost; feel free to tear up a little during a Meg Ryan movie; express it when you're feeling hurt of sad; show some emotional fortitude when bad times hit.

Don't: Act helpless to get out of doing something you don't want to do; get defensive when you're in the wrong; chicken out after you've made a commitment; brood, sulk or play hurt to get what you want.

A COOL DEMEANOR. While a quick temper can create an aura of dark sexuality, in the real world it suggests you're as stable as a trailer park. "Moodiness signals to women an inability to handle stress, and that you're undependable," says Buss. "Being emotionally stable, though, suggests resiliency, an ability to cope with stress and setbacks," says Buss. Your best bet is to find a good stress-reduction technique - exercise, for example - that will keep you from blowing your lid at the slightest provocation.

A LITTLE JEALOUSY. So you're out with a woman so unbelievably beautiful she's causing a parade of fender benders. You feel uncomfortable and a little overprotective. That's good. "Women interpret jealousy as a cue that you're invested in the relationship as they are," says Buss. But don't let your jealousy get the best of you. "Too much jealousy signals lower mate value and status on your part," says Buss. Getting angry at the slightest glances from other men signals to the woman that you think she's out of your league and could find someone better. Chances are, she probably will.

SUBTLETY. "Often men erroneously think that because they welcome overtly sexual advances, women do, too," says Buss. But research refutes this. One study found that while women might think it's just fine to seductively suck on a straw or blow kisses to attract men, they find similar come-ons by men repulsive. "Even if a woman wants a one-night stand, suggesting you want the same is a big mistake," says Buss. That's because coming on like a satyr undermines your status and presents you as untrustworthy and unreliable. In fact, the criteria women use to judge men for a night of casual sex (being self-confident, funny, ambitious) aren't all that different from the standards they use when scoping a permanent mate. Even if all she has on her mind is a quick one, she'd like to think you're interested in much more.

By the way, in almost every scenario, the rule of thumb is, take it slow. Even if you're sure she's interested, let the game play out a little more. Your relaxed patience suggests higher status by convincing her you're neither desperate nor interested solely in a roll in the hay.

HUMOR. Women love comedians. They love comedy clubs. They love Jerry Seinfield, and he's no looker by any means. But there's a good reason that a sense of humor is rated as a highly desirable trait in studies of attraction. "Beyond displaying a playful, easygoing attitude, a sense of humor conveys a social presence, which translates into high status," says Buss. Being funny in front of others (as opposed to doing it alone in front of a mirror) shows the confidence to command the attention of a group. That confidence suggests you're on top of things without being uptight. And that relaxed self-assurance is usually a by-product of attaining high status.

Now some guys are funny and some guys aren't. If you're one of those men who just can't tell a joke to save their own life, fine. At least learn to laugh at yourself and see the humor in a variety of circumstances. Men who never smile are equated with social ineptitude and lower status.

A STRONG VOICE. Here's an easy way to attain status: Concentrate on your speaking voice. Studies suggest a low, smooth, strong voice without a wide range of pitch (meaning a consistent tone) is strongly attractive to the opposite sex. "A low, resonant voice may serve as an indicator of virility or a good sexual partner," says Miron Zuckerman, Ph.D., of the department of psychology at the University of Rochester, New York. A nasal-sounding, squeaky, high or shrill voice was found to be unappealing. But if you've ever watched Roseanne, you already know that.

A SMALL DEGREE OF FAME. A sure way to attract women is to become famous. "Fame converts to status and status converts to resources," says Fisher. Since you may not ever get the chance to guest of Charlie Rose or save the earth from a crashing meteor, better to cultivate a little fame locally. "It's really in your neighborhood where fame counts," says Fisher. "It's there that you'll meet women and hope to impress them." That means becoming involved in local charities and politics, and keeping a somewhat high profile in social circles. You'll meet more people and be seen by more people, which will add to your prestige. And don't worry if your fame-attained status never gets beyond the city limits. "Status doesn't travel very well, anyway," says Fisher. "You can be an extremely high-status Tongan, but go to New York and see where that'll get you."

http://www.singlescafe.net/magicformula.html?authorname=Da%20Manila%20Playa

Seven Tips On Finding Lasting Love

Perhaps you haven't dated for what seems like decades, and you're worried about how to play the game of love. THE ADVICE SISTERS know that especially for mature women (and we're in your group), dating can be scary. There are so many unanswered questions: Will I ever meet someone I can trust and love? Can I still be attractive to someone else? Will I be able to compete in the "meet market with all those younger women?" How can I feel ready to love again? What if I'm just no good at dating? What if I can't get over my fear and get the courage to TRY?

Here are some suggestions from THE ADVICE SISTERS to get through the dating process and find the love you want:

1. Use your head to guide your heart:

The good news is that there is someone special for everyone! You don't need to change yourself into something you're not to find lasting love. In fact, our book RECRUITING LOVE: USING THE BUSINESS SKILLS YOU HAVE TO FIND THE LOVE YOU WANT (Cyclone Books, 1998) shows you how to use the SEXIEST part of your body - your HEAD - to attract lasting love. RELAX! You don't have to use your body, or play silly games! The idea is to BE YOURSELF! We shouldn't worry about competing with 20-year-old girls...we shouldn't even try! The idea is to find someone who will look at you and say "you're just what I want." Let's face it... any man over the age of 50 who really wants a 20-year old probably isn't for you anyway.

2. Dating isn't romance..have a great plan..the romance will follow:

Don't make the mistake of expecting DATING to be romantic. Love is an emotion but dating is a PROCESS like finding a job, going on a diet, or training for a marathon. Like any other process you have to identify a goal, make a plan to reach the goal, and commit to that goal until you reach it. In fairy tales love just instantly happens, but in real life, planning for dating success, just like planning for any important project or goal, and putting in the work, makes the dream come true!

3. Know what you really want:

How can you look for Mr. Perfect if you don't really know who he is? You must take the time to discover your own sincere feelings and needs before you start looking for love. If you don't know what kind of person you want to attract, you effectively look for him in the right kinds of places. Worse, you end up spending a lot of time on disappointing social activities or bad dates that waste your time and cause burn-out and frustration. When we're teenagers, we "bulk date" (date anything that asks us and everything that moves) to learn what kind of person we want, but adult women find this just an energy-draining waste of time. You shouldn't date just anyone!

4. Know your own assets and liabilities:>

It's also important to be clear about what you have to offer someone else. In RECRUITING LOVE we have an entire chapter devoted to easy, check-the-box assessments to help you discover just how many positive aspects you have, and which things you might want to improve. If you think you're a winner, you'll act like a winner and will radiate that feeling. People will be naturally, instantly drawn to you!

5. Make a commitment to succeed:

It is up to each and every woman to seek out and claim happiness and personal success in life, in relationships, in love, in work and in the world. There is a price to pay. Reaching goals takes planning and resolve. We know that when it comes to personal relationships, if intelligent women spent even an iota as much time, planning, and energy as they do in their careers looking for the right person in their lives, they'd find that person! RECRUITING LOVE takes work-but it puts an end to the helpless victim cycle. Schedule at least one social activity per week into your date book (don't go to the same place twice in a row, either) and DON'T CANCEL! Set a time frame for your relationship goals and stick with it, evaluating and updating your plan as you go along. Stay positive Do at least one nice thing for yourself each day. Affirm your commitment to succeed by saying first thing in the morning and last thing at night "I will create happiness and attract love!" If you can think it you can say it. If you can say it you can believe it. If you believe it you can do it--and you will! Sounds ridiculous, but it really works! And not just for love-but for any goal you want to reach!

6. Get support:

THE ADVICE SISTERS have two free, interactive message boards for singles who want to give and get support while going through the dating process at www.advicesisters.com and www.InsideTheWeb.com/messageboard/mbs.cgi/mb37587. Offline, we highly recommend joining a dating success team, or starting your own. "Success Teams" are groups of people who meet together on a regular basis to find creative solutions to accomplishing mutual or similar goals. They do this by sharing information, experiences, opinions and feelings, but (unlike group therapy or counseling), success teams focus on action and results. Their primary purpose is to keep group members focused and feeling positive, so that they can reach their goals even faster.

http://www.singlescafe.net/sevensteps.html?authorname=Alison%20Blackman%20Dunham%20and%20Jessica%20Blackman%20Freedman

Finding Your Perfect Partner

Did you know to meet your perfect partner you must have written goals, a vision and a strategy? If you are commited to being in a lasting relationship you will make it a top priority in your life. This means developing a written plan on how you are going to accomplish your goals. Remember if you don't have your goals in writing it is not a goal only a dream. The book Find Lasting Love helps you to develop your vision, strategy and detailed goals.

Having a vision works in business and it can work when you are trying to find a partner to spend your life with as well. Developing a vision is your first step in finding your perfect partner. What is it that you want in your ideal partner?

Appearance
Some examples: age, hair color, height, build....

Personality Traits
Some examples: witty, honest

Interests & Hobbies
Some examples: sailing, camping

Relationship Style:
Some examples: Affectionate, Sentimental, faithful, likes to listen, likes to talk

Values:
Some examples: Believes in God, Republican, Democrat

Other areas not listed:
Include anything here that doesn't fit in the above categories.

• Find out what is really important to you:
• For each quality you listed visualize what it would be if your partner had that quality.
• Would it really make a difference?
• What would happen if your partner didn't have that quality?
• What difference would that make?
  

Visualize meeting your perfect partner.
What do they look like? What top three qualities do they have?
Write a paragraph describing how you will feel when you first meet your partner. Be sure to include what they look like, and the qualities they will have.

Your subconscious mind can move you toward your goal or away from it. Having a vision of who you want to meet helps program your subconscious mind to move toward meeting your perfect partner. Visualize your perfect partner clearly and emotionally and eventually your perfect partner will appear.

http://www.singlescafe.net/partner.html?authorname=Phyllis%20Minik

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

• LoveNote. . . The miracle of unconditional love is nurtured by the power of the Divine and our own imagination! Imagine the possibilities! ~ Larry James

A loving relationship with yourself is a prerequisite to having a healthy love relationship with someone else. Assume you have that handled. What's next?

We must remember that this is it! Someday is now! No time to mess around. Life is too short. Live in the present.

Experience the empowering feeling of allowing yourself the freedom to be who you need to be in your next relationship. . . right now. You have already experienced the past. Want more of that? Continue to focus on it and you will not be disappointed.

We must create a future worth living into. The old way of being in a relationship isn't good enough in the '90's. We must invent the kind of relationship we want, then go about devoting our time and energy to making it happen. It will happen when we care enough to give ourselves the very best of everything.

This includes giving yourself time if you are just coming out of a relationship that didn't work. Welcome to living solo! They say, "Time heals all wounds" and you must do the things necessary for the healing of the hurt to occur. Work on you.

Every man needs to love himself unconditionally to be able to pass it on. You know you better than anyone. Ask yourself: "Who would I have to become to be the kind of person I would enjoy being with for the rest of my life?"

Spend some prayerful moments thanking God for the choice to choose the courage to become that person. Then, do what needs to be done.

Okay. So, you have been attracted to a real sweetheart and you are about to embark on 'Destination Unknown,' often called the first date. What to do? Naturally we men want to put our best foot forward. We have a thing about being really cool on the first date. Often we withhold who we really are, afraid that if she knew the truth about us, she would very quickly distance herself from us.

This is why we must learn to communicate more effectively how we feel to our partner. Women love men who are sensitive to their needs; who demonstrate that they care; who communicate understanding by listening to what she says (and when we are unclear about what she says. . . we ask questions - this shows we are really listening); and most of all, women love men who threat them with respect.

You show up as Mr. Clean; shoes shined, clean shaven, a dash of cologne and looking sharp. Most people are attracted to someone who is well groomed however, there is more to it than that. What do you communicate from your heart? Do you say what you feel needs to be said in a loving way?

Make good eye contact. This shows you are paying attention. It also suggests someone who is self-confident. Men whose eyes drift are, right or wrong, thought to be uncertain of themselves. To a woman, this is a red flag.

Have meaningful conversations about things that count. Watch your words. Remember, you cannot un-ring a bell. Once out there, words can be loving or deadly. Be brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable; to reveal those bits and pieces of yourself that communicate the real you. This does not mean boring her with your sordid past. . . only the relevant truth; what's real for you in this relationship.

Part of the problem of dating is what M. Scott Peck, in his book "A Road Less Traveled" calls the 'romantic myth.' We try so hard, early in the relationship to always be at our best, then when we are several months into the relationship, we feel as though we have reached our goal, we slack off and that's when things can begin to slowly fall apart.

You may hear her say, "You were so sensitive and caring when we were first dating. What's happened to that wonderful man that swept me off my feet?" Or she may think it and never say it, leaving you to wonder, "What's wrong?"

Listen carefully. Relationships are a bit of a puzzle for most men anyway. When a man and a woman finally get together, the glaring differences show up.

Dr. John Gray, Ph.D., author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" says we must learn to recognize and understand these differences before we can effectively be ourselves in the relationship.

Only and always do your best. All the time. Not only when in pursuit. Not only when it's broken and needs to be fixed. Every day and every minute. Do what works. If you send thoughtful greeting cards, leave love notes and, for no reason, give her an occasional flower. . . continue that process. Women love romance. It's called. . . 'follow-through.' Keep on doing what works.

God wants what is best for you. You deserve only the best of everything. And it takes care and attention to your own wants and needs first, for you to be able to take on the responsibility of a committed, healthy love relationship.

Be yourself. . . right now! How sad to try to be someone you think someone else thinks you should be. It is not possible. Be the real you all the time.

Demonstrate your own authenticity. When you do, you never have to worry that six months down the road, she is going to be disappointed because she thinks the man she is now with is not the person she fell in love with.

In my "Relationship Enrichment LoveShops," single women often complain that men don't communicate their feelings. Now you know. Do that. Take a clue. Women have a desire to know the real you. Don't withhold yourself. Be who you are and if you don't like who you are, steer clear of a committed relationship for a while until you can learn to love yourself. You cannot deliver from an empty wagon. You must have love for yourself to be able to give the love your partner so richly deserves.

Men must learn to reveal ourselves to others. Let them be sure of who you are. It takes constant attention to detail. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. Allow no miscommunication that would allow for misunderstandings. There is nothing inherently wrong with putting your best foot forward on the first date and the dates that follow unless you are only being nice for a while to get what you want. That isn't good enough. You must take care to assure her that your best foot forward is connected to the real you.

http://www.singlescafe.net/bestfoot.html?authorname=Larry%20James

Making Her Salivate For You

Ivan Pavlov was a physiologist who stumbled upon one of the most important principles in all of psychology.

Pavlov discovered that he could teach dogs to salivate at the sound of a tone if he repeatedly paired the tone with the presentation of food. The dogs learned that the tone was a good predictor for food (which they liked and which naturally elicited a salivary response). Thus, by repeatedly pairing the tone and the food, the dogs learned to salivate to the sound of the tone... regardless of whether or not food was present.

This is known as classical conditioning and it's quite an omnipresent phenomenon which influences most every aspect of our lives... especially our love lives.

You see, EMOTIONS are particularly susceptible to classical conditioning. Emotions are very often "elicited" by certain circumstances as a result of past learning experiences (that is, previous pairings or associations).

An obvious example is the emotion of fear. People often learn to fear things because of previous unpleasant associations. For example, a person may come to fear dentists (or perhaps the sound of a drill) because of past painful dental procedures.

A woman who has been attacked may develop a fear of strangers or a fear of men. Or maybe it's the garage or neighborhood in which she was attacked that come to elicit feelings of fear and anxiety. It's a simple pairing of a particular situation (or person) with an emotion which causes similar situations (or persons) to elicit similar emotions in the future.

On the positive side, think about an old girlfriend of yours that you adored. (Everybody has at least one that they blew it with.) You were crazy about this girl and would have done anything for her. As a result you may have done a few things you didn't really care too much for.

Maybe she was really into Italian food but you weren't. Frequently you wound up in Italian restaurants in order to keep her happy. As a result of the pairing of Italian food with this adorable lady, you NOW love Italian food. Or maybe it's a particular Italian restaurant that you two frequented that you NOW love.

Perhaps she used to love hiking so now you do. Or she was crazy about cats and now you have several. Or maybe it was a particular movie that the two of you saw together that still makes you feel queasy. Or a particular song (your song) that brings back a flood of vivid memories and intense emotions. Whatever. Your feelings for her were transferred to various other objects, situations, or people as a result of being paired with her.

It's really fascinating to observe this pairing of situations and emotions. Try to pay attention to the "classical conditioning" happening around you as you go about your daily routine. It occurs ALL THE TIME. And it's really quite interesting.

Now that we grasp the basics of classical conditioning, the question becomes, "How can we use classical conditioning to help us in our relationships with women?"

We could probably write an entire book on classical conditioning and how it influences our love lives, our relationships, and our emotions. But I'm just going to point out one or two things to you right now and leave you to discover some of the other *secrets* yourself.

Let's assume that the object of your affection (your girlfriend, or maybe a beauty you're attracted to) is always in either a good mood, neutral mood, or bad mood. That is, she's either experiencing good emotions, neutral emotions, or bad emotions.

Our goal is simply to associate ourselves with her good emotions and dissociate ourselves from her bad emotions. In this way, we can MAKE OURSELVES into a type of infectious, charismatic individual who elicits positive emotions and positive feelings... simply by showing up.

And that's what you want, isn't it? You want her to be excited and happy and feel good when you come around. You want her to look forward to seeing you because she knows that she's going to feel great. Isn't that how your lady (or the lady you desire) makes you feel - happy, excited, positive?

And you definitely don't want your presence to elicit feelings of depression, anger, or anxiety.

It's pretty simple. The major point here to remember is that you want to be around her when she's in a good mood and avoid her, like the plague, when she's in a bad mood.

Nothing earth-shaking here. Yet it's amazing how guys can screw this up. Sometimes putting themselves through a great deal of extra effort in order to do so.

If the beauty at your office is in a bad mood (she's got a plumbing problem), then you should spend as little time with her as possible that day. If that cute little blond in your history class is feeling exhausted (up all night studying), then this is not a good time to ask her to lunch. If your girlfriend has a mean case of PMS, stay away from her until she's in a more agreeable mood.

By avoiding her when she's feeling bad, you're not pairing yourself with her negative emotional states... and conditioning yourself to be a "negative emotion generator."

Now if she's in a good or great mood, then you should maximize your time together. This should be obvious. And my guess is that you probably WANT to be around her when she's feeling good anyway. So do it.

And even if you can't spend that much time with her when she's feeling good, then you'd like to at least get her thinking about you. Call her on the phone. Send her a quick email. Accidentally bump into her in the breakroom. Tell her a joke - jokes tend to linger in the mind. Whatever. Use your imagination.

(As far as neutral moods go, you goal is to change those into happy, exciting moods and associate yourself with these moods... but that's a subject to be covered in the future.)

However, as mentioned, many guys screw this up.

If their girlfriend (or potential girlfriend) is in a bad mood, they may try to make her feel better. They drop by her place with food and ice cream - to cheer her up. They insist on taking her out to lunch or dinner - brighten her day a little. They try to make her laugh. They do her favors. They spend hours on the phone sympathizing with her. They hang and hang and hang around. They do everything BUT what they should do... stay away. Dissociate.

Now this budding Don Juan usually THINKS that his girlfriend (or potential love object) being down or in a bad mood is an opportunity for him to make a few points. That by doing his best to make her feel better that she's, of course, going to realize what a great guy he is... and maybe fall for him.

It's possible. Anything's possible. But I wouldn't bet on it. All you're really doing is exerting extra effort to pair yourself with her negative emotional states. Yes, you might make her feel a little better, but you're most likely doing more damage to your "charisma" than good.

Keep things simple. Just stay away.

And if you're a sensitive guy who feels bad because she feels bad... well, remember that people often LIKE to feel down sometimes. People often LIKE getting upset and venting. Somehow it helps them to keep their lives in balance. Give her the freedom to feel bad if she wants.

On the other hand, if she's been emotionally DEVASTATED that's a different situation.

Maybe her best friend died. Maybe her new car got totaled. Maybe her cat was run over. Whatever - it varies from girl to girl. If she's your girlfriend (or significant other), she's going to EXPECT you to be there for her emotionally. She's going to want to lean on you and draw strength from you. She's going to want to emotionally vent to you. And if you're not there for her, she's going to "hate" you for it.

However, if she's been devastated and she's NOT your girlfriend (just someone that you'd like to be), then it's probably best to stay away until she's feeling better.

As mentioned, classical conditioning is happening constantly and I can't possibly go into all of the related scenarios, but I'll briefly mention one other instance... that of "good" and "bad" news.

Yes, delivering bad news does rub off on to the person unfortunate enough to deliver it. It's one of the most potent cases of classical conditioning. She's feeling good. You arrive and deliver the bad news. She's now feeling bad. Not exactly what you should aspire to.

Never deliver bad news to a girl you're attracted to. Get someone else to do it. Bribe someone if you have to. Just make sure you're someplace else.

Now as far as delivering good news... Ooooh Yeeaah!!

http://www.singlescafe.net/salivate.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

Look Into My Eyes

Let's talk a little bit about the eyes.

The eyes are quite amazing! Very few things surpass the importance of our eyes when engaged in social interaction... especially with those gorgeous women we love to feast them upon.

I'm not talking about eye contact in this article. Or the way we use our eyes to connect and disconnect, with others. I'm talking about the eyes themselves... specifically the pupils of your eyes.

Three EXTREMELY IMPORTANT things to understand right up front:

• The pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger when we see someone we're attracted to.
  
• Larger, dilated pupils are seen as more attractive than smaller, contracted pupils.
  
• We like those who like us.
  

Okay...

Whenever we see someone we like, the pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger. It's almost as if our eyes are trying to see as much of this person as possible. This is an involuntary and uncontrollable physiological response.

Thus, you can often tell if a woman is attracted to you by observing her pupils, and noting whether they expand or contract (or maybe do nothing) when she looks at you.

(Note: contracting would not be good for you... as it likely means she not only is not attracted to you, but actively dislikes you. Sorry about that.)

I say, "often tell," because sometimes the environment can interfere with the "psychological" responses of our pupils. If you're outside on a bright sunny day, it may be difficult for even your magnificence to dilate her pupils. Similarly, if you're together in a dimly lit room, her pupils are probably going to be dilated no matter how much she despises you.

One other thing to keep in mind is her base level, or natural pupil size. This varies somewhat from person to person. Some people have larger pupils and some have smaller pupils. So to effectively judge "your" effect on her, you're going to have to keep in mind her base level and judge the "change" when she gazes longingly (you hope) in your direction.

Please try to be inconspicuous about this. Do NOT tell her what you're doing. If she had any idea it would make her very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, keep in mind that if gorgeous girl you've been checking out knows her pupil physiology, she already "knows" you're attracted to her. She can see it in your eyes. And, short of wearing sunglasses or avoiding all eye contact, there's not much you can do about it.

But I wouldn't worry about this too much. There's very little chance that your average lady is going to understand this particular psycho-physiological response. After all, she probably doesn't subscribe to The Don Juan Newsletter like you do. (YOU LUCKY DOG, YOU!)

The second thing to keep in mind is that larger, dilated pupils are considered more physically attractive (and more friendly) than are smaller, contracted pupils.

For example, studies with photographs have shown that attractiveness increases as pupil size increases. Likewise, if the researchers altered the pupil sizes in the photographs to make them smaller, they could decrease the attractiveness of the individuals in the photos.

We're talking about the SAME target photos here. Increasing or decreasing the pupil sizes of the same photos and noting the perceived level of attractiveness as rated by the subjects. We're not comparing different people with different pupil sizes and concluding that those with larger pupils are seen as more attractive than those with smaller pupils. Obviously, there are a lot of other variables to consider when comparing different individuals.

Ever heard of the Belladonna plant?

Belladonna is Italian for "beautiful lady" and was frequently used by 16th century women to give their eyes a sexy and dreamy look (by dilating the pupils).

An important point to keep in mind is that these pupil attractiveness effects operate in a "subconscious" fashion. The people in the experiments know they like the photos with the dilated pupils better, but they don't know exactly why. The person just seems "more handsome" or "prettier" or "friendlier" somehow. They do not realize the pupils have been altered physically by the researchers.

Thus, ideally, you would like for your pupils to be as large as possible when gazing at women you're attracted to (making you more attractive). And luckily, as mentioned in the first part of this article, that is exactly what happens. (Cool, huh?)

You see a beautiful girl. Your pupils dilate. The large pupils cause her to see you as more attractive than she otherwise might. Your responses are automatic. Her responses are subconscious. Works out pretty well doesn't it?

Keep in mind that it works the other way as well. If a girl is attracted to you her pupils will dilate when she's looking at you. As a result, you will see her as being more attractive than you might otherwise think her to be. Again, both reactions are automatic and usually subconscious.

The third major point discussed in this article is that we like those who like us.

We are almost always attracted to those who are attracted to us. Why? Could be many possible reasons for this. But probably the main reason is because when another person likes us, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives us an ego boost and increases our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Like it or not, we often judge ourselves by other people's reactions to us. If others seem to like us, then we feel good about ourselves. If others don't seem to like us, then we may feel bad about ourselves. Not always, but much of the time.

Given this principle of reciprocal liking, we now have a logical explanation to explain the attractiveness effects described above.

When you look at a girl you're attracted to, your pupils dilate. Subconsciously, she notices your dilated pupils and concludes that you like her and are attracted to her. Since people who like her give her an ego boost and make her feel good about herself, she becomes more attracted to you than she might be otherwise. Does this make sense?

So remember...

"If you want someone to like you, then like them."

This simple principle has been known for ages. Yet it's amazing how few people really understand it or practice it. And how dearly this lack of understanding costs them.

Now that we understand the three points discussed above, the question becomes, "How can we use this information to enrich our lives by making ourselves more attractive to women?"

I'll go over a few possible scenarios, but use your imagination. There are dozens of ways to use the knowledge you now possess to add love, romance, and excitement to your life.

Ever wonder why a candlelit dinner with wine is considered so romantic? Think about it. The dim light dilates the pupils of both individuals, making them both more attractive to one another than they usually are (not to mention hiding minor physical flaws). And the alcohol in the wine accentuates the pupil dilation even more.

Yes, alcohol dilates the pupils. It also promotes relaxation and reduces inhibitions. It's definitely your friend on a date. But be careful not to abuse the alcohol. A little is romantic. A lot becomes unpredictable and can wind up ruining the evening.

Another tip you may find helpful: remember to gaze into the eyes of that beautiful lady you're interested in. You're attracted to her. Your pupils dilate. She subconciously recognizes your attraction. She likes those wise individuals who like her. She feels good. She starts to like you.

And all you've done is look into her beautiful eyes. You haven't really said or "risked" anything. Seems pretty simple doesn't it?

(Don't be surprised if she tells her girlfriends "what beautiful eyes" you have.)

I know. I know. You're shy. You usually go to extremes in order to avoid eye contact... especially with women you're attracted to. You look down. You look away. You look anywhere but into "the eyes."

You'd rather die than let her know you're attracted to her. You want her to be attracted to you first. Once you're sure she's attracted to you, then maybe you'll let on a little that you're attracted to her as well.

BIG MISTAKE!

Remember, if you want someone to like you, like them. And let them know you like them. Look into her eyes and smile. Force yourself to... just for a couple seconds every now and then.

I'm not talking about staring into her eyes until the sweat starts popping from her brow. Staring will simply make her feel uncomfortable.

Just add a little casual eye contact into your conversations with her. And smile. Remember, she will come to like you BECAUSE you like her.

Another example...

Ever go to bars? Ever notice how beautiful the women in bars look?

Yes, the women definitely dress to impress. But also, bars are usually dimly lit with alcohol consumption the norm. Dilated pupils and reduced inhibitions everywhere you look.

And do these beautiful ladies get even more beautiful at closing time? Ever heard that? It could be, of course, that you're more desperate at closing time (or too drunk to tell the difference).

It's also very likely that as the evening winds along and the women drink more and more, that they actually do get more beautiful. Their pupils become more and more dilated giving their eyes that sexy, dreamy look (remember Belladonna?).

Think about the *secrets* I've just revealed to you. And be sure to ACT upon what you now KNOW.

http://www.singlescafe.net/eyes.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

False Advertising and the Benefit of Being You

Imagine that you go to a car dealership and buy a sports car. You take it home, park it in your garage and turn in for the night. The next morning you open up your garage and find a luxury coupe. The sports car is nowhere in sight. Read on to find out what happened with your sports car.

In the marketplace of dating we offer something we think the other party wants. If you are a woman, you may offer your attractiveness. Your calling card may be your wit and humor or your ability to fix and save your partner. If you are a man, you may offer your prowess or masculinity, your success, your desire for the woman, or your charm. The merchandise that we offer varies. We advertise something we think will attract potential partners. That something is a true part of our selves. However, it is only a part of who we are, rather than the whole.

Imagine yourself in a situation with lots of potential partners around you, like a bar, a networking meeting, or a party. Imagine that what you offer is your sensuality if you are a woman or your strong attraction and charisma if you are a man. You meet someone and connect with them. You start dating. You continue to only show your new partner that one side of yourself. The next week, or the next month you start asking for your needs to be met. Because you initially represented only one dimension of yourself your new partner must now decide whether they want all of the other parts of you. The person went and bought a sports car, and ended up with a luxury coupe. The relationship may fall apart because the person you attracted may have been really looking for what you presented upfront and not something else.

I call the thing we offer in the dating marketplace the hook. The hook in this context is a trait or quality that we put up front to represent us to potential partners. What is your hook? Is it sex, money, caregiving, having it all together, your being fun, your strong desire, or something else? What is it that you think you have to offer that is more attractive than yourself? And what if you offered all of yourself?

I don't mean you sit down and tell the person you just met all of your problems and concerns. People probably don't want to hear your life story when they first meet you. I do mean being your self. Be all of who you are right there in the moment. Continue being who you are all through the first stage of the relationship and beyond.

"No one will approach me if I don't have something I am advertising" you may say. It is true that the people you would have attracted by showing a small part of you will probably pass you over. They may not want all of you. However, relationships don't work with people who don't want all of you. On the other hand, you may end up attracting a completely different type of person. They will be attracted to you because you are being you.

So, how do you be yourself in potential partner situations? It's very simple. First figure out what your hook is and then de-emphasize it in your behavior. Second, become present to yourself. Become present to all your needs, wants, thoughts, hopes, aspirations, to everything you are. Don't turn on your charm to attract and keep potential partners, but instead turn on to your self. Turn on to how magnificent you are as a human being even with all your imperfections, needs and wants. And last, as you meet people and spend time with them, come from your self. Be honest. Say what there is to say for you. Who knows, you may get lucky and meet the person who wants you for all of who you are!

http://www.singlescafe.net/false.html?authorname=Rinatta%20Paries

Conversing for Maximum Attraction - secrets of meeting and dating women

you've actually met a woman.

Maybe you're in bar. Maybe you're at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she's someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you're actually out on a date.

In any event, now you've got to do something scarey, something unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end one before it even gets started. YOU'VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can't think of anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the "right" thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don't. When your average gent converses with a woman, he's basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will "connect" with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the "Don Juan" way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what doesn't, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don't want to leave her feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that's what we're going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic relationship.

Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're "impressing" the women when, in reality, they're "depressing" the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you're saying doesn't necesarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

So key number one is DON'T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you're going to say next. Focus all your attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or "feel" what she's saying.

This does take a little effort. It's not very hard to do, but it's not something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any "seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It's pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It's almost as if she's testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?

Well... she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there? f) What's it like there?

Kim's two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on. Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she'd like to talk about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not repulsed by him). How? She didn't blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn't pick up on it and blew his chances with her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you better, she will GIVE YOU free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds for you to water. If she's not attracted to you, she won't give you much of anything and it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how charming you are, if she doesn't "help you out some" you'll eventually have to admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she'd like to discuss.

Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if you want others to like you. This is true... to a certain extent.

People DO like to talk about themselves and they DO like those who listen, ask questions, and seem interested in what they're saying.

But...

If you're goal is to charm this lady, you've got to do more than that. You've got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you've got to "tell her" that YOU TWO ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you can relate yourself to something she's talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.
Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about moving there myself.

Jim is smooth.

Jim didn't ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking questions, then he's probably doing very well with Kim.

A good talk/listen ratio would be around 40/60 or 30/70. That is, you want to spend around 30 or 40 percent of the time talking, and about 60 to 70 percent of the time listening. And you should spend as much of that 30 to 40 percent as possible in the "me-too zone."

Think about it this way...

Let's assume you just went on a dinner date with a lady you like very much. If you monopolized the conversation and spent most of the time telling her how "wonderful" you are, you can pretty much expect there won't be a second date. I hope you can understand this.

On the other hand, imagine you'd spent the entire two hours together sitting there, listening, and asking her questions. You probably did much better. She did seem happy. She did seem to enjoy the conversation. But still...

After the date she's going to go home and think about the date. And she's going to think about you. She's going to think about whether she should spend more time with you or not.

The fact that you haven't said much of anything all evening is going to be your downfall... BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.

You haven't told her anything about yourself. She still has no idea if she should be interested in you or not. She knows you don't monopolize the conversation and you're a good listener. And she likes that. But that's not enough to spark any kind of emotion in her.

Now imagine you'd spent 60 to 70 percent of the date listening to her (really listening and asking questions), and about 30 to 40 percent of the time telling her about yourself. Specifically, telling her about yourself in a way that makes the two of you seem very similar.

This time when she goes home, sits down, grabs something to drink, and starts reminiscing about the date (and you), she's going to have something substantial to think about. She's going to think what a wonderful conversationalist you are. You didn't monopolize the conversation. You didn't bore her with details of your job, your childhood, or the health of your colon.

And because you spent a substantial amount of time pointing out how similar the two of you are, she's going to think that you are very SPECIAL. (After all, you're just like her. You must be.)

People always like others who are similar to themselves. By being similar to me, you essentially validate my perceptions of the world. I will see you as clever, intelligent, charming, and likeable... because you're like me.

(It's true that opposites do SOMETIMES attract. But only under certain situations. On the other hand, similars ALMOST ALWAYS attract. You should always go for the similarity angle during the first part of a relationship. You'll can reveal to her your "unique" qualities later.)

And don't worry or feel cheated because you don't get to talk about the things you want to talk about. If you play your cards right during the first few conversations or dates, you'll have plenty of time later on to bore her with all your "interesting" stories.

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to "play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested questions, and making "me too" statements. It's a simple 1, 2, 3.

http://www.singlescafe.net/converse.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

Your Magic Wand - meeting, dating, and attracting women

What red-blooded male hasn't at one time or another dreamed of having a magic wand.

A wand which would instantly turn you into the most charming, irresistible hunk of manhood this side of Robert Redford? Or perhaps a word or phrase that you could utter to create a magical, sensual effect on the woman you're talking to? Or maybe a particular behavior, such as snapping your fingers, that would instantly fill any woman you wanted with feelings of infatuation, love, and lust for YOU?

You wouldn't want to be completely irresistible. Oh, no. That would be far too much trouble. You'd have girls that you're not interested in chasing you all over the place. You simply want to be charming and irresistible to all those girls you are attracted to.

A wand, a word, or a simple behavior that would instantly turn you into a charismatic and irresistible Don Juan. Yes, life would be good!

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement. No, I'm not talking about some kind of mythical aphrodisiac. I'm not talking about a pheromone cologne, or some kind of pill you slip into her drink.

No, this is much easier and simpler. It doesn't cost you anything and it's something that any man can master.

It's known as a SMILE.

Now I'm not talking about just any smile. I'm not talking about that pathetic little smirk of yours that makes you look more scary than friendly. But a big, face-consuming, I-feel-good-about-life-and-I-like-you-too kind of grin that will instantly light up any room (and any woman) that you "point it" at.

Never forget that women are irresistibly drawn to smiling guys. They flirt with smiling guys. Date smiling guys. Have sex with smiling guys. Marry smiling guys. And live happily ever after with smiling guys.

Why this infatuation with smiling guys?

Well, smiling says that you're a positive, optimistic person. That you're a person who has fun and enjoys life. That you're confident. That you're mature, expressive, and don't hide your feelings. And, most importantly, smiling says that you like and are attracted to her. (You don't smile at people you don't like, do you?)

One other thing: smiling makes you more physically attractive.

I'm sure you know at least one girl that you're attracted to, but you're not sure exactly why. Physically, she has neither a perfect body nor a perfect face. Yet, to you and most every other guy, she's beautiful, irresistible, and charming.

Chances are she smiles a lot.

So smiling make you more attractive, reveals your positive personality, and indicates that you like the person you're smiling at. Wow!

I know what some of you are thinking. Clint Eastwood never smiled. John Wayne never smiled. James Dean never smiled. And they always wound up with the women.

Well, friends, I'm talking about real life here, not television or the movies. Being a hard, tough, cold, unemotional, unexpressive guy may work in the movies, but it doesn't work in real life. And chances are, you don't look like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, or James Dean either.

But that's how most of us guys were raised, right? We were taught to be unexpressive and unemotional. We grew up trying to be cool, trying to be what we thought others admired. We wanted to be Clint Eastwood or John Wayne. We wanted to be tough, cool, and get all the women.

Just doesn't work that way in real life.

Want to see something really enlightening (and sad)? Go out to one of the more popular bars or nightclubs in your area. Try and peel your eyes off all the beautiful women and check out the guys for a minute. Notice how most of them are trying to attract women by being cool, tough, hard, unemotional. They think they can attract women by acting like they don't really care. Notice all these cool guys leaning against the walls by themselves (or with their equally cool, male buddies).

And they go there to meet women! Ridiculous!

Now take a look around the club at the men who are surrounded by women and are having a great time. What do you notice about them? Take a look at the way they dress, the way they walk, the way they act. But most importantly take a look at their faces. They're smiling, feeling good, and having a great time. They know they secret. They brought the wand.

"Well shucks, I'd be having a great time too if I was surrounded by women," I hear you muttering.

True. But the secret is that they came into the club like that. With those positive, happy, fun-loving smiles. They didn't wait for the fun to start before they started having fun. They have learned not to "pursue" women but to "attract" them... by smiling.

Okay, so HOW do you smile?

Remember, most of us have been trained since childhood not to smile, not to reveal our emotions, not to reveal vulnerability. Trying to "force" yourself to smile can be quite difficult, especially if you're feeling nervous, or "she" happens to be around.

(Interesting how some guys think smiling communicates weakness, when it actually communicates confidence and strength.)

So how do you learn to smile?

One word. PRACTICE!

Smiling is like any other behavior. To get good at it you have to practice. And practice. And practice.

Think about the simple act of snapping your fingers. Can you snap your fingers? Most people can't. The first time you try you'll most likely get a pathetic little "snuupff." Now try again. About the same. But if you practice some, you'll eventually be able to create an almost ear-shattering "KAA-SSNAPP" that will demand the attention of everyone around. You'll get so good at snapping your fingers that you'll almost hurt yourself doing it.

That's what you want your smile to be like. You want your smile to demand the attention of everyone around. You want your smile to be POWERFUL.

So how do you practice? Very simple. Just go into your bathroom or bedroom or anyplace there's a mirror and you can be alone. Look into the mirror and smile. Smile. And smile some more. Smile until your entire face aches. Smile until every muscle in your face is so fatigued that you can't possibly smile anymore. Then keep smiling.

Yes, you're going to feel stupid, silly, and ridiculous. Great! The sillier you feel, the more you'll feel like smiling. And the act of smiling itself, will actually make you feel better and feel more like smiling.

(This is an excellent exercise to practice before going out on a date, or out to a nightclub, or anywhere else you might meet a woman you'd be interested in.)

You want your smiles to be real smiles though, not fake-looking smirks. So it helps to think of things that naturally make you smile or laugh. Maybe make a list of things that you can think about before you start.

Keep in mind that "real" smiles and "fake" smiles ARE different.

Fake smiles go on instantly, and disappear just as fast. They look fake. They look like a practiced behavior. They look insincere. They utilize mainly the muscles of the mouth and not the eyes and the rest of the face. And they look unemotional.

Real smiles, on the other hand, are slower to form, and slower to disappear. They're fueled by emotions and emotions do not change instantly. They involve the whole face. They utilize more facial muscles, especially those around the eyes. They LOOK sincere.

Thus, you have to learn to "fake" a "real" smile.

By faking, I simply mean a smile that you can put on whenever you want. A smile that you can control. A smile which is not completely dependent on your emotional state. After all, you may not be feeling all that wonderful when the girl of your dreams walks by.

So you practice slowly forming a smile... and slowly letting the smile disappear from your face. You have to train the muscles of your face to do this. It's not hard, but it does take practice.

(We're talking about slow relative to a fake smile. We're not talking about slow motion. If you're looking in a mirror, you'll be able to tell when you get it right.)

And the payoff for your practice and "hard work" will be enormous.

Think about top professional models or top professional actors. They've learned how to "fake" smiles. Their smiles look real. And they can unleash them anytime they want. A magazine cover, a TV interview, the public, their fans. The world is literally at their mercy.

And when you learn to smile, the world will literally be at your mercy too.

You've stopped in at a local restaurant to grab something to eat with one of your buddies. An unbelievably cute waitress skips up to take your order. KAA-SNNAAP. You unleash your smile. Watch her face light up. Watch the special treatment you receive. Watch your buddy turn green with envy. (Don't you think you should forward him a copy of Don Juan?)

You're standing in line at the grocery store. There's a very beautiful, yet very tired-looking girl at the register. You walk up and SMILE. Watch her face light up. Watch her whole personality change. She suddenly feels like talking. Do you think she'll remember YOU?

Unleash your new smile at the office. Unleash it at a local bar. Unleash it at the gym. Unleash it anywhere there are beautiful women you'd like to meet. Think of it as your magic wand. Think of it as "the secret" that you know that most guys don't.

You have no idea the pleasures that await you.

http://www.singlescafe.net/wand.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson

A Little Patience - meeting girls, dating women, attracting ladies

Rick is quite taken with this cute little brunette at the office. Having been two weeks since she started, it's beginning to dawn on Rick that if he wants her, he's going to have to make a move, and soon... as other guys have also begun to notice her.

He takes a deep breath. Puts on his best smile. And coolly strides across the way to her cubicle. "Hi," he begins, "I'm Rick" and proceeds to be as friendly, charming, and flirtatious as he possibly can. He wants her to know that he's interested... that he's not just another co-worker killing time... so he holds nothing back.

Smiling, complimenting, flirting, gazing seductively into her eyes... he throws everything he's got at her. He's determined not to blow it this time... not to site idly by while yet another 'woman of his dreams' gets seduced by some schmuck unworthy of her magnificence. He's been observing, sitting on the sidelines too long. Heck, he hasn't even had a date in three months.

Unfortunately, Rick begins to notice that Cindy, the new girl, doesn't really appear to be all that taken with his charms. She's not really responding to his flirtatious signals and seductive glances. She's friendly enough. True. But Rick was hoping for some passion in her eyes. A "love at first site" kind of thing. But it looks as though she's just humoring him and being polite. Treating him just like another co-worker. Arggh!

Rick heads back to his cubicle and begins to assess the situation.

"Hmmm. She's definitely friendly... and even cuter up close. But it seemed as though she was just being polite to me. Definitely wasn't much of a spark there. Anyhow it's obvious she's not really attracted to me. Geez, how stupid was it to think she might be interested in me. She probably only goes for the handsome athletic type. And face it, Rick, you're neither handsome nor athletic. A girl that cute could have any guy she wants. I must be an idiot.

"Made a fool out of myself is what I did. Now she probably thinks I'm interested in her. So she'll be trying to dodge me so I can't corner her and ask her out. Women hate making up those excuses to keep from going out with guys like me.

"God how embarrassing. Everybody sitting in that area heard me make a fool of myself. They all know I'm interested in her. Probably all laughing at me... or feel sorry for me. How could I be so stupid?"

Meanwhile, Cindy, still in her cubicle, also begins to give some thought to the situation.

"God, Rick sure is friendly. And he's kinda cute too. And that story he told about Fletcher was so funny. I love guys who can make me laugh. Hmmm. This might just turn out to be pretty cool place to work. In this boring office there appears to be at least one interesting guy after all.

"I wonder if he likes me. He must like me. I can't imagine a guy being that friendly with a girl he's not interested in. Seemed a little flirtatious too... though I'm not sure. I hope so. Wonder if he'll ask me out. That would definitely be a welcome change. Wouldn't mind spending a few hours with him. Heck, I haven't even been on a date in three months."

Meanwhile, Rick continues to beat himself up over making such a fool of himself... all afternoon and all evening. Rick concludes that there's only one way he can escape from this situation with some semblance of his dignity left. He's got to pretend like he doesn't really like Cindy. That he was just being friendly and welcoming the new girl. Blow her off a little and show everyone that he's not really interested. Basically, a kind of "do it to her before she does it to him."

"Yeah. That's it! I'll try to avoid her, then the next time I do have to see her I'll act not quite so friendly, maybe a little less than friendly, so she doesn't get all anxious and think I'm going to hit on her or something. I definitely won't make the mistake of flirting with her again. And if anyone else happens to be around, it'll be a great opportunity for me to show I'm NOT interested in her. Set the record straight so to speak so people will quit talking about me behind my back."

Cindy has also given Rick some more thought that evening. She's thought about it and concluded that Rick is definitely a charmer. He must like her. He was definitely flirtatious. Cindy starts to get excited. She begins to look forward to the next time she sees him. Maybe she'll actually get to go out this weekend.

Well... you can imagine what happened the next time Rick and Cindy bumped into one another. Cindy was delighted to see Rick. She was smiling, happy, and friendly. On the other hand, Rick was sorta cold, unfriendly, and blew her off a little. Rick left feeling slightly better about himself having salvaged a little of his bruised ego. Cindy left baffled. Both left dateless and depressed.

You may be thinking that Rick is an idiot. He had the girl exactly where he wanted her, and threw it all away. Unfortunately Rick, and the above type of unfortunate scenario, is probably more the norm than the exception... repeated countless times each day in offices, classrooms, bars, and every place else imaginable.

Rick's failure in the above situation, and his dismal social life, basically stem from not understanding the principles of flirtatious or overly friendly behavior (OFB from now on) and the resulting lack of confidence that stems from this lack of knowledge.

Basically, most people are somewhat reserved and cautious in their social interactions and need TIME to cognitively process, that is give serious thought to, the behaviors of others... especially when the other person exhibits some type of OFB.

When someone acts in a very friendly or flirtatious manner with you do you usually respond in a very friendly and flirtatious way? Well, if you're like most people the answer is yes... but not always right away or in exactly the same way.

Most of us need time to cognitively process OFB. Extremely friendly or flirtatious behavior is unusual, not something we experience everyday, and can be somewhat shocking to us.

We need time to decide just what it is this overly friendly person is up to. Do they really like us that much? And if so, why? Or is it maybe something else? Maybe they're trying to take advantage of us or have some ulterior motive. Maybe they're just in a good mood today. Maybe they treat everyone in that same friendly manner so that we're really no one special to them. Or a myriad of other possible explanations.

Cindy recognized Rick's OFB but was not quite sure how to react to it. She was somewhat stunned and reacted in a normal, cautious manner. However, after having some time to process the interaction in her mind, she came to the conclusion that Rick was a pretty cool guy. And a pretty cool guy who seemed to be attracted to her.

Cindy reacted in exactly the way Rick was hoping she would... only not right away. Her immediate reactions were cautious and somewhat ordinary, which is what led Rick to believe she wasn't really interested. Only later, after considerable cognitive processing, did the desired response occur.

Rick errs by expecting her to respond in a vivid, positive fashion to his flirtatious behavior - immediately. Rick doesn't understand a particular social-psychological principle which basically goes: when someone that we don't really know all that well exhibits OFB towards us, we find it somewhat shocking. However, once we have had a chance to think about and process their behavior, it is HIGHLY LIKELY that we will develop good feelings about this person and look forward to seeing him/her in the future.

The mistake is simply failing to understand the need for this DELAY in the reciprocation of OFB. If you understand social interactions, and you understand male-female behavior, you can begin to use this WINDOW OF TIME to work Don Juan MAGIC. If you don't? Well, you may have a problem.

For example, Rick's major problem is the way his lack of knowledge concerning women and social interactions manifests itself as a lack of confidence... which works to undermine all of his behavior. As with any of the Don Juan techniques, our assumption is that knowledge breeds confidence. If you understand male-female relationships, and you understand WHY women behave as they do, you will NATURALLY exude an extra-ordinary level of confidence in dealing with them. And confidence can be a very powerful aphrodisiac.

Thus, the confident guy (knowledgeable guy) may flirt with a girl time and time again, regardless of whether or not he receives the hoped for response. He feels confident that eventually she will come around and begin to respond positively toward him. His knowledge of the rules governing male-female interactions produces the confidence that leads to an active social life.

The un-confident guy, your average guy like Rick, will flirt maybe once, then spend a great deal of time assessing the girl's response. Usually he'll wind up concluding that her response was inadequate. That she's not interested in him, and that he made a fool of himself. He then goes into a type of "ego-protection mode" in order to salvage some of his self-respect... killing any chances he might have had with her.

Keep in mind that in order to "move someone" from an acquaintance or co-worker toward being a friend or lover, someone has to exhibit some kind of OFB. Someone has to make the first move so to speak and get the ball rolling. Ideally, this is you.

Why you? Well, by subscribing to this newsletter you have essentially decided that you are going to take charge of your relationships and make things go the way you want them to... rather than just rolling with whatever fate happens to toss your way. (You should be commended for this.)

So, imagine that there's a beautiful lady you'd like to get to know better. Maybe it's the ravishing bartender at your favorite pub. Maybe it's the cute blond in your Sociology class. Maybe it's the sexy receptionist at the office. Maybe it's all three... hubba hubba.

Knowing what you now know, you should be EXTREMELY CONFIDENT in your approach. You introduce yourself. Exhibit an appropriate level of OFB. Then (this is the good part) SMILE KNOWINGLY when she responds in a less than enthusiastic fashion.

Her muted response doesn't bother you at all because you are aware of exactly what's going on in her mind... and exactly what WILL BE going on in her mind. You are also aware that the next time you see her, it's highly likely that she will respond to you with an appropriate level of OFB. This "window of time" in which she is cognitively processing your behavior is of great value to you.

Many guys will err at this point by going for a phone number or some type of date. This is "often" a mistake because you have now, all of a sudden, turned your OFB into a come-on. Your intentions (romance, passion, sex) have now become clear to her and she'll respond in a very cautious, suspicious manner. And all of your OFB up until this point will now be re-classified as seduction behavior. And all your future behavior will also be processed through this type of "seduction" filter.

By not going for the phone number or date (during the first conversation or two) you're confusing her, throwing her off guard, and invoking her imagination. She'll be "forced" to think about you and process your behavior in order to decide what exactly it is you're up to. And this will work to your advantage.

Keep in mind that she can sell herself on you much better than you possibly can. By exhibiting OFB toward her, then letting her imagination take over, you are placing yourself in the best possible position. She will imagine you are wonderful, because she's hoping that you are. She may even begin imagining that you are "the one" because she's now hoping so.

So you give it some time. Walk away. Let her imagination take over. Then try not to be too shocked or too ecstatic when she exhibits the expected level of reciprocal OFB toward you the next time you bump into her.

Of course, controlling yourself and playing it cool when women are throwing themselves at you may be a bit more than you can handle. But, hey, nobody ever said being a Don Juan was easy.

http://www.singlescafe.net/patience.html?authorname=Allen%20Thompson