Beginning dating after a divorce can be difficult. Maybe you still care for your ex or are even hoping to get back together with him or her. Or, you may consider your divorce to be a positive situation, but you still aren't sure about dating again due to negative experiences that you had in previous relationships.
Before dating again, ask yourself if you are still pining for your ex and if so, consider whether a reconciliation is even possible or desirable. For example, what led to the breakup? Are these factors something that is within your control to fix, or is it your ex that must change? If it's your ex that needs behavior improvement, he or she has to decide to change and more importantly, follow through on the decision. Making major behavioral changes can be a long, bumpy road even for someone who is highly motivated.
Did you have a good relationship prior to the ending of the relationship? If not, then you may be looking to resurrect a dream rather than something based in reality. Remember both your positive and negative feelings about the relationship. Fight the tendency to only recall the good things and forget the bad. Take an objective view of the relationship and whether it's even worth putting energy into getting the ex back. If he or she is in a relationship with someone else, this is a great sign for you to move on no matter how wonderful the ex may be.
Before you begin dating after a divorce, make sure that you have explored your feelings about your past relationship and worked through them. You may be harboring hurt or anger that you need to release before you take those feelings out on an undeserving new partner. Think about the type of people that you have dated in the past. Do they have similar behavioral patterns such as disrespecting you or even abuse? You may need to date people who are not your “type” to break away from destructive relationship patterns. What about your behavioral patterns? You may be unconsciously attracting the type of mate that you don't want through your actions. It might be helpful to attend therapy to work through your feelings and get clear on what you really desire.
When you are able to view your relationship breakup as a learning experience and are ready to meet new potential partners with an open mind, you are ready to start dating after your divorce.
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