We all know by now that society has trained and is still training us all to behave within certain expected norms. Of course there are rebels who go out of their way to go against these norms. Some people even take this anti social behaviour to extremes. But by and large people find it difficult to swim against the current. These norms sometimes provide easy answers and ways out when there might otherwise not be an easy solution. A good example of this is the funeral. There is in most cultures an agreed procedure to follow when someone dies and everyone knows how to deal with this most difficult time in a person’s life. This event would be even more difficult if the culture’s norms were not there to guide them.
Sometimes these norms can cause problems for an individual who can as a result become quite anxious and stressed when society provides a rule but no instructions. This generally arises when there is conflict between what society expects of the individual and what the individual expects in return. These societal norms include dating.
When a man of dating age decides to find a mate, and this can vary depending on his biological development, his own ambitions and the culture he lives in, there are steps he can take to find a suitable partner. He can go to a dance, disco, or a bar etc. In many social circles the method of finding a partner can be important to the acceptance of the partner by his peers. A pick up in a bar may be looked down on by some elements of society. The girl may be seen as easy. (whatever that is) In spite of the fact that in many cases bars may be the only social contact these people are likely to have.
He may meet girls through certain sporting activities usually as a spectator or group recreational activities like hill walking, bird watching or evening classes in some hobby. However, the common factor in all of the above is that this lonely male is expected to do the looking and asking. Why? Well that is a good question which deserves a longer answer than I am going to give it here. The short answer is that society has decided that that is how it should be.
Though it is now changing in most parts of the world, the worldwide norm is that the man must ask the girl out on the date. If the girl asks him out she is seen as cheap, easy and may be considered to be throwing herself at him. This pressure on the male, and yes it is pressure, can be very stressful for a number of reasons.
The male is not always the confident and ever ready mating machine that the media would have us believe. The human male is often a sensitive and shy animal in spite of some indications to the contrary. He dreads asking out a prospective date because he fears rejection. Rejection is, no matter what they say, a huge blow to a male’s ego. For this reason, among others, he decides that the girl he asks out must be that one and only love of his life. He does not want to face the possibility of rejection again so he looks for the perfect girl and seldom dates. This is of course a vicious circle, because he then raises both his standards and expectations of getting the perfect girl which increases the pressure which means that he has to get it right the first time and that increases the stress and so on.
Apart from anything else there is very limited information available to men in society about how to go about asking a girl out on a date. Much of what is written is aimed at men who want nothing more than one night stands. Men seldom actually talk truthfully amongst themselves about how they came to be dating a girl, particularly if they have deep feelings for her, and especially not if the girl asked him out. They usually invent some and impressive macho story that will increase their standing in their group.
Mothers and fathers do not usually discuss mating rituals with their children. Although daughters do often ask their mothers how their parents met the answer is not always honest and when it is it is not always accurate. So in today’s changing society, how does a man ask out his prospective date without taking too much of a chance? How for that matter can a woman ask out a prospective date without being seen in a negative light by society and maybe even the object of her affections?
Society has in this case provided the answer. It is now acceptable to find a partner on the internet. This is done using dating sites. Online dating as it has come to be known is an inspired notion. The man or woman can sign up anonymously for membership at a dating site and discreetly advertise their availability. When another member sees their profile on the dating site, they can, still anonymously, contact them. All members can browse and search the dating site for prospective partners without anyone knowing that they are looking. When they find a suitable member profile they can initiate contact.
If a member does not like the profile of the person who is interested in them they can reject the contact proposal at any time. This rejection is a lot easier to take because it is anonymous. A rejection given face to face is much worse because the person who rejected you has met you and is rejecting you not just your profile.
If they are interested in making contact with the member who has contacted them they can answer the communication and take it further. This way a person can see if the prospective date is really suitable for dating. If a member is too persistent and you need to, you can block communication from that member. Some people can’t take a hint. But this is rarely necessary.
As things advance they may decide to meet. However, there is now a new development in the online dating scene. That is the incorporation of video conferencing into the dating site. This allows the member to upload a short video of themselves into their member’s profile. This gives the other members a better idea of what they are like and avoids disappointment.
Looks are of course less important than personality. It often happens that people get to know each other as friends without noticing each other’s looks. Then suddenly one day something clicks in both of them and they see each other in a totally different way. They become totally attracted to each other and see a beauty there that they may not have noticed before.
My advice is don’t go looking at your friends trying to see what I am talking about. If it happens, it happens.
If things are taking too long for your liking, try a dating site. Online dating is the way to do it today. No major rejections and a huge selection of available dates on a searchable database. What could be better?
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