Ever begin dating someone new who’s just ended a long-term relationship? Then you know that the person is probably wounded in the self-esteem department and very well could be pining for “what was” because that was what they knew and could feel secure with. The relationship might have been a type of shitty relationship, but they understood and and knew the boundaries.
There are times you’ll swear you’re on a date with both of them and you’re competing with the ex-spouse and all the history that they shared. That person knows your date better than you do and they’ve created and shared many good memories and it’s going to be tough to let go of all of that and be ready to create new memories with you.
If you’ve had date number three and your date is always talking about the ex when there is clearly no reason to, they’re probably not over that relationship and certainly not ready to make a commitment to a new relationship with you. The best way to handle this is to be prepared to end things between you and explain how you feel. Tell the date that you really enjoy their company and like being with them but you don’t think they’re over the ex and that’s not fair to either of you. They’ll say that it’s not true but you know in your heart that they’re still thinking about that other person and there will be no room for you. Say that you’re going to date others but you’d like to keep in touch. This does not mean meeting weekly for a hot sexual encounter! Don’t fall for that in any way. You’ll be used, abused and eventually discarded and you’re worth so much more than that. There are lots of other people who want to treat you in the way you want to be treated.
At some point, even if the date goes back to the ex, they’ll be back. There is a reason that other person is an ex and those reasons won’t go away. If you’re available and sincerely like this person, give it a try but initially be ready to step back for the final time if the ex is still alive in most everything they say or do. You’ve given this person the time and space to explore all those feelings and to come back to you as a new person. It’s the best gift you could give because they will be able to move on with full closure.
Maureen is the author of the book how to win the dating game, “Do you know how to get lucky online?” She does. She didn't always know. It took her several years of watching how other people got lucky and now you can learn it for yourself.
You can also vist also her blog Feeling Flirty?Get a Date!, autumnal confessions and Sexy Advice by Maureen. You can also visit the site http://www.howtowinthedatinggame.com for her book. And http://www.feelingflirty.com for her blog
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