So you've met the girl of your dreams, the one that makes your heart go apitter-patter, the one you intend to marry and churn out midgets with, the one you've been waiting for your entire life. The only problem is, you're not the man of her dreams. Oh she likes you okay, doesn't mind spending a little time with you now and then, but doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with you. She wants to be "just friends." Arrggghh!
I feel your pain, brother.
One of the most common questions I get from Don Juaners is how to go about turning a friendship into a love relationship. How to charm this girl that you know, this girl that you fantasize about, the one who wants to be "just friends." How to make her fall head over heels for you and, perhaps even, start her thinking a few deliciously lustful thoughts about your derriere (the tramp!).
Well, I'll tell you right up front, there is no ONE technique. No ONE method or secret that will get her awantin' you bad. It's a combination of hundreds of little things. Everything you do, everything you say, everything you think, and everything you believe make up your PERSONALITY. And it's your personality which will be the impetus for her liking you, loving you, or even hating you.
Remember, your dream girl's no idiot. She wants the total package. She's not going to fall for some dopey little trick you picked up some place on the internet. However, she may fall for hundreds of dopey little tricks that you've mastered and incorporated into your own unique personality. Now given that you understand the "total package" concept, there are definitely a few things that you can do - focus on - which can help you out in this area. Things which will greatly increase the probability of her experiencing the desired emotional response toward you (that being increased liking, increased attraction, and maybe even love).
Today we're going to discuss a psychological phenomenon known as Response Facilitation (RF). RF refers to the process of strengthening the dominant response in a particular situation. For our purposes here, we're going to use it to refer to the strengthening of emotional responses. In other words, making that girl who sorta likes you, REALLY like you. And making that girl who sees you as a "friend," see you as, maybe, a little more than that. However, keep in mind that RF can work in other, unwanted directions as well. That is, you could take a girl who dislikes you, and make her REALLY dislike you. Take a girl who is angry at you, and make her REALLY angry at you. Or a girl who is afraid of you, and make her REALLY afraid of you. In other words, an intensification of her dominant emotional response toward you. So beware. So how can we intensify emotional responses via RF?
Well, before we get into that, let's briefly delve into the nature of emotions themselves.
Emotions basically consist of two parts: a cognitive component (what you're thinking) and a physiological component (what you're feeling). The cognitive, thinking component determines WHAT emotion you're feeling... while the physiological, feeling component determines the INTENSITY of that emotion. For example, if you're angry with someone, you're thinking all kinds of "angry" thoughts about that person (He's an idiot! This is not fair! I'm going to kill him!). You're also experiencing certain physiological sensations throughout your body that indicate to you that you're a little more than just displeased (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intense the physiological aspects become, the angrier you FEEL. Okay, so how about love? You meet the girl of your dreams, and you begin thinking: "My God, she's beautiful. She's adorable, charming, and witty. I think I'm in love!" Your body also begins a somewhat automatic reaction to her presence... or maybe even just the thought of her (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "in love" you feel. And what a wonderful feeling it is.
So... notice anything interesting about the two emotions above? Yes, the physiological components are pretty much the same. The difference between being extremely angry, and being in a state of infatuation or love, has more to do with the cognitive, thinking component, than with the physiological, "feeling" component. You're thinking "angry" thoughts in the first example, and "love" thoughts in the second. Your body is reacting pretty much the same in both instances. And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "angry" or "in love" you feel. (Ever heard that saying that there's a fine line between love and hate?)
Now we're not saying that the physiological response is EXACTLY the same. It's not. But for our purposes here, they're similar enough that we can treat them as if they're the same.
So the "secret" is that we can use states of physiological arousal to intensify emotional responses. Remember, the arousal part of emotions is pretty similar from one emotion to the next, and the amount of arousal present determines the INTENSITY of the experienced emotion. Thus, it would be to our benefit to set up situations where our "dream girl" is highly likely to experience increased levels of arousal, and to pair ourselves with that arousal.
So, in a nutshell, we should be able to take a girl who likes us (mild physiological arousal when we're around) and make her REALLY like us, by adding "extra" arousal to the situation. The extra arousal will summate with that arousal which is already present so as to increase the intensity of her emotional response toward us. How bout a real world example. A few years ago two of my friends, we'll call them Bob and Julie, decided that they wanted to get in shape. So they started going to the gym together and working out almost every day. Now these two were complete opposites... two people that you couldn't possibly imagine ever getting together... two people that had no business even considering the idea.
Now I'm watching this situation with great interest to see what, if anything, develops. Two complete opposites working out together every day. The physiological arousal from their workouts creating the perfect environment for RF occur... and a "love" relationship to bloom.
Yes, I pretty much "knew" what was going to happen. But I didn't say anything to either of them. This, in my warped little mind, would be an excellent little experiment. And would be a great test of the "power" of RF. Could it actually pull two people together who were complete opposites? I wanted to know.
Well, by now you can probably guess what happened. Within a few weeks they were boinkin' like crazy... hanging all over each other like a couple of love-sick teenagers (yuk!).
Yes, the physiological arousal from their workouts was so powerful in intensifying emotional responses that it paired off even complete opposites. Fascinating!
(Incidentally, guys, the girl was drop-dead gorgeous and the guy was average-looking at best.)
Similar things happen all the time, although most people don't really understand what's going on.
Take the couple who "gets off" on having sex in public places. What they're essentially doing is taking the excitement generated from doing it in public, and the fear of possibly getting caught, and using that extra bit of arousal to energize their sex lives, and their feelings for one another. Or how about the couple that regularly gets into heated arguments with one another, maybe even escalating into acts of physical violence... but usually winds up ending the night with extremely hot and passionate sex. They're basically using their anger arousal to fuel their passion for one another. Or ever notice that movies are funnier when you watch them with others than when you watch them by yourself. The presence of others is arousing, and this extra arousal helps to intensify our reactions to the movie. (Remember that tip I gave you a while back, that if a woman laughs at your lame jokes, then she probably likes you. Same thing.)
Okay, so how do WE use physiological arousal to make her "love" us... or at least like us a little more? (Arguments, fighting, fear, and other sources of negative arousal are NOT recommended by the way. It's best if the arousal you're using is of a pleasurable, or at least neutral, nature.) Answer: By simply doing enjoyable yet arousing things together. There is an endless variety of physiologically arousing things you can do with your "dream girl" which can help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you (and, by the way, intensifying YOUR emotional reactions toward her... you were warned). Most of these things involve something which I've come to label FUN. Now most people don't have a clue what FUN is or how to go about achieving it. And it's usually the last thing on their minds when trying to decide what to do on a date. After all, dates are supposed to be tense, stressful, serious, getting-to-know-one-another things. Right?
Wrong!
You know, now, that FUN and arousal leads to love and passion. You just have to use your imagination and come up with some innovative ways to generate the "extra" arousal you're going to need.
Ever had a "date" at an amusement park? What FUN! Thrilling rollercoasters, drenching waterslides, breath-taking ferris wheels. What a perfect date. What an arousing date.
Instead of dinner and a movie, how about dinner and dancing. Movies do nothing but take your minds OFF one another for a couple hours. But dancing involves FUN and arousal. Excellent. I've already mentioned working out together. Not only will the physiological arousal make you look more appealing to her, but you just might wind up getting in shape too.
How bout those new indoor rock climbing places popping up all over? Or bowling? Or riding your bicycles together? Or rollerblading? Or a friendly match of tennis? Or a concert or sporting event where you get to stand up and yell a lot? These all involve FUN and arousing experiences and will help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you. Do you have a motorcycle? This is a goldmine. Stick her on the back of it (unless she's deathly afraid of it). Not only will she be physiologically aroused from the ride, but, as a side benefit, she's got her arms wrapped around you the whole time. mmm.
I've mentioned just a few of the hundreds of ways available to boost the arousal level. Use your imagination. And always listen for any suggestions she has that involve increased arousal and say, "That sounds like FUN."
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