Are we just trying to make ourselves feel better when, in fact, the problem may lie with us and not with the women who prefer guys who apparently, are not nice?
Do men honestly think that being nice is a drawback when it comes to women? I think that we need to take a good look at ourselves if we've ever uttered this phrase as an excuse.
Nice Guy Syndrome has become a pervasive way of thinking for a certain type of man. I stumbled on this quote posted on the Counseling Center for Human Development Web site at The University of South Florida:
"The nice guy is the person who you trust and feel comfortable with, but don't see as 'fun' or 'challenging' or really all that 'interesting,' other than as a friend, of course."
I think that quote is the classic Nice Guy Syndrome mind-set. It sounds pretty reasonable at first blush, but if we look deeper at how the "Nice Guys" behave, we'll see some similarities in their thinking and actions.
Some of the symptoms of Nice Guy Syndrome:
Avoiding Conflicts
A so-called Nice Guy will go out of his way to avoid an argument even if he strongly believes he's right. That kind of passivity doesn't mean that you're nice. It means that you're a pushover. It's not the challenge that women really want, it's someone who has his own set of opinions and is willing to back them up.
Having a spine is a good thing... and conflicts are how we learn about each other. Deferring to the woman all the time leads to a stagnation in the relationship and can make a woman feel quite alone because when she looks to you for an opinion, all she'll get back is her own.
Placing Women on Pedestals This is a really big problem with Nice Guys and it's a sure-fire path to failure.
When you put a woman on a pedestal, you thrust upon her the idea that she is perfect, beyond-reproach, angelic, and unable to make mistakes. Who in the world can live up to that kind of billing?
When a woman who has been placed on a pedestal inevitably falters or takes a misstep, she comes crashing down hard. The man who placed her there can't believe that the woman he placed all his faith in could suddenly become so... well... human.
Holding anyone up to unrealistic expectations is unhealthy for both parties. Nice Guys have to realize that they are involved with women who have faults. Stop foisting what you wish were their traits on them - and take them for the wonderfully, flawed individuals that they are.
Passive Neediness Oooh... this is one of the most irritating things in the world to witness. It also falls under the unrealistic expectations category. You want something from your mate (fair enough), but you don't ask for it (not fair at all), then you feel hurt when you don't get it (incredibly unfair).
Basically, if you want something, you have to ask for it. Then, and only then, if you don't get it you can make an issue of it by verbalizing your feelings. Expecting a woman to read your mind is rather unfair, don't you think?
By now you may be thinking: Nice Guys aren't always nice, and have a tendency to be passive aggressive in these situations. The trouble is, Nice Guys think that asking for something makes them selfish. But they have to wake up to the fact that we all want and need things. It's what makes us human. Ask, and maybe, ye shall receive.
Living For Someone Else Another classic trait of Nice Guy Syndrome entails the idea of self-sacrifice. That's not always a bad thing, but if a relationship only has one person making sacrifices, we run into trouble. The end result of this is that the Nice Guy feels used and unappreciated.
Nice Guys often lose themselves in their partner and do everything to try and make them happy. But, in the process, they lose their individuality, the very individuality that probably made them attractive to their mate in the first place.
Nice Guys are so very eager to please that they end up denying themselves happiness along the way. Does that sound like a healthy way to live?
No More Mr. Nice Guy
As you can see, Nice Guy Syndrome is a pretty damaging condition. So the next time you utter the phrase, "nice guys finish last", think about what you're saying and take a moment to see if you really are as "nice" as you believe.
http://www.vvaaa.com/dating/articles/article2.php
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Dating advice.
Online dating is an excellent way of meeting exciting new people. But connecting with someone in an everyday environment such as a shop or dog park has advantages too, namely an obvious starting point for conversation. Which public places are best for cruising unattached cuties? Read on...
Meeting singles by flirting at bars and clicking with online Lavalifers definitely has its arousing advantages, but hooking up with other spicy singles need not be limited to traditional dating venues. In fact, it can equally mischievous to connect with someone in an everyday environment--food shopping, wine tasting, frolicking at a dog park. Best, the pressure-free surroundings provide a natural conversation topic to begin interacting. Regularity is the salacious secret here: the more you bump into each other, the most comfortable you'll become. Make sure to frequent places that best reflect your interests.
1. Linen Beginnings What's more alluring than soft bed sheets, a clean bathroom, and fluffy towels? Department store linen departments are one of the sassiest places for neat freaks to meet likeminded singles. It's probably safe to assume that if a hottie guy or girl cares about guest towels, they're likely feel good about asking you over and making you feel at home.
2. Judge a Book by its Lover From poetry to porn, fiction to sex addiction, what can't you say about yourself by browsing in a particular section of a bookstore or library? Many of today's book superstores also provide coffee shops, comfy seating, and air conditioning, so take your time and read between the lines of other shoppers.
3. Bedding at the Wedding Frequently and mistakenly dreaded by the dateless, nuptial events rank right up there with other pick-up hot spots. Romance is in the air, all are dressed to the nines, there's vino and dancing to be relished, and you already know everyone at the event by mere association. So usher in your enticing side and say 'I do' to those roomfuls of potential dates.
4. Food for Thought Are you a tofu stir-fry kind of guy or a flank steak girl, a Rice Krispie square baker or a fresh parmesan grater? Shopping carts weren't constructed of wire mesh without purpose--they're ideal for snooping. Visit your grocer on the same day every week, giving yourself plenty of time to squeeze the melons, smell the strawberries, and flirt your pants off with likeminded foodies.
5. Charity Begins Alone Want to meet that special someone while simultaneously contributing to the community? Then volunteering is for you. With so many charities needing support--from the SPCA to the Sally Ann--you'll have no problem finding a cause that sates your Good Samaritan urge. And volunteers can be counted on to be thoughtful and considerate types, usually with plenty of free time to play and cavort with other slinky singles.
6. It's a Dog-Meet-Dog World You don't have to be a canine owner to meet all the young, hip singles hanging out at a dog park--borrow one from a friend who's "out of town" for a few days. The pups do all the judging for you, even down to the crotch-sniffing. All you have to do is throw a soggy tennis ball a few times and follow up.
7. Be a Winer Vineyard tours, wine-tasting events and oenophile and sommelier classes are all single-friendly gatherings where picking up can be as easy as picking grapes. Come prepared to talk about your favorite vintages or a nearby restaurant with a noteworthy wine carte--the perfect stepping stone for a date.
8. Come Clean A few quarters and a scoopful of laundry detergent could easily morph into a few hours of steamy conversation with a new single in your 'hood. You've got a few hours to work your wonders while clothes tumble and toss. And what better way to check out someone's sexy underclothes or show off your own trendy garb?
9. Perk Up Meet other caffeine addicts in a swish, relaxed atmosphere. Tightly packed tables, background jazz music stylings and a laissez-faire attitude encouraging subtle displays of personal interest--journal writing, laptop work, book reading, photograph browsing--all make coffee shops a pick-up spot accessible to everyone.
10. Hobnob Hobbies From marketing seminars for career-focused urbanites to language classes for travel-fiends to Pilates for the amorously athletic, classes are a shoo-in for meeting singles of a similar persuasion. Pick a hobby that interests you and that you know will attract the kind of person you're hot for--you'd be mistaken if you expected to find a roomful of single men at a salsa lesson or a gaggle of gorgeous girls at a racecar mechanic's class. Check out your local community center, dance studio, college, and conference hall for offerings.
http://www.vvaaa.com/dating/articles/article3.php
Meeting singles by flirting at bars and clicking with online Lavalifers definitely has its arousing advantages, but hooking up with other spicy singles need not be limited to traditional dating venues. In fact, it can equally mischievous to connect with someone in an everyday environment--food shopping, wine tasting, frolicking at a dog park. Best, the pressure-free surroundings provide a natural conversation topic to begin interacting. Regularity is the salacious secret here: the more you bump into each other, the most comfortable you'll become. Make sure to frequent places that best reflect your interests.
1. Linen Beginnings What's more alluring than soft bed sheets, a clean bathroom, and fluffy towels? Department store linen departments are one of the sassiest places for neat freaks to meet likeminded singles. It's probably safe to assume that if a hottie guy or girl cares about guest towels, they're likely feel good about asking you over and making you feel at home.
2. Judge a Book by its Lover From poetry to porn, fiction to sex addiction, what can't you say about yourself by browsing in a particular section of a bookstore or library? Many of today's book superstores also provide coffee shops, comfy seating, and air conditioning, so take your time and read between the lines of other shoppers.
3. Bedding at the Wedding Frequently and mistakenly dreaded by the dateless, nuptial events rank right up there with other pick-up hot spots. Romance is in the air, all are dressed to the nines, there's vino and dancing to be relished, and you already know everyone at the event by mere association. So usher in your enticing side and say 'I do' to those roomfuls of potential dates.
4. Food for Thought Are you a tofu stir-fry kind of guy or a flank steak girl, a Rice Krispie square baker or a fresh parmesan grater? Shopping carts weren't constructed of wire mesh without purpose--they're ideal for snooping. Visit your grocer on the same day every week, giving yourself plenty of time to squeeze the melons, smell the strawberries, and flirt your pants off with likeminded foodies.
5. Charity Begins Alone Want to meet that special someone while simultaneously contributing to the community? Then volunteering is for you. With so many charities needing support--from the SPCA to the Sally Ann--you'll have no problem finding a cause that sates your Good Samaritan urge. And volunteers can be counted on to be thoughtful and considerate types, usually with plenty of free time to play and cavort with other slinky singles.
6. It's a Dog-Meet-Dog World You don't have to be a canine owner to meet all the young, hip singles hanging out at a dog park--borrow one from a friend who's "out of town" for a few days. The pups do all the judging for you, even down to the crotch-sniffing. All you have to do is throw a soggy tennis ball a few times and follow up.
7. Be a Winer Vineyard tours, wine-tasting events and oenophile and sommelier classes are all single-friendly gatherings where picking up can be as easy as picking grapes. Come prepared to talk about your favorite vintages or a nearby restaurant with a noteworthy wine carte--the perfect stepping stone for a date.
8. Come Clean A few quarters and a scoopful of laundry detergent could easily morph into a few hours of steamy conversation with a new single in your 'hood. You've got a few hours to work your wonders while clothes tumble and toss. And what better way to check out someone's sexy underclothes or show off your own trendy garb?
9. Perk Up Meet other caffeine addicts in a swish, relaxed atmosphere. Tightly packed tables, background jazz music stylings and a laissez-faire attitude encouraging subtle displays of personal interest--journal writing, laptop work, book reading, photograph browsing--all make coffee shops a pick-up spot accessible to everyone.
10. Hobnob Hobbies From marketing seminars for career-focused urbanites to language classes for travel-fiends to Pilates for the amorously athletic, classes are a shoo-in for meeting singles of a similar persuasion. Pick a hobby that interests you and that you know will attract the kind of person you're hot for--you'd be mistaken if you expected to find a roomful of single men at a salsa lesson or a gaggle of gorgeous girls at a racecar mechanic's class. Check out your local community center, dance studio, college, and conference hall for offerings.
http://www.vvaaa.com/dating/articles/article3.php
Looking for a Matchmaker?
Today, many high school graduates go right into college, and from there, enter life-long careers, leaving little time along the way for love and romance. Some find the time, obviously, or there would be a real population problem. But others rank personal relationships low on their priority lists, which means they tend to arrive at this need in their lives by the time they’re in their mid-twenties or older.
Too, some people jump, while young, into marriage, and then end up getting divorced. By midlife, then, they are in the second round of the matrimonial quest and not sure where to find someone with whom they are compatible. Many new divorcees and widows or widowers have been out of the dating game for decades. Some never expected to be there again. Now they attempt to juggle a social life with other responsibilities by checking out their options with a matchmaking service.
What these adults share in common is the desire for a meaningful relationship. Some may be eager for passion while others would be quite satisfied with someone they feel compatible with for conversations or dinner dates. Motives may differ, but those who contact an online dating service for help in expanding their romantic possibilities share excitement and hope. At Adult Matchmaker (www.adultmatchmaker.com), visitors can click on numerous links to check out the various dating services that now offer assistance to those looking for new people to meet, befriend, and date. Some services claim higher matrimonial rates than others, but most users expect a series of brief introductions that may lead nowhere at all. American Singles (www.americansingles.com) claims to host millions of members worldwide. As with most such sites, visitors can register, choose basic preferences like gender and age, submit up to four photos, and begin their search for Mr. Or Ms. Right.
Finding the best match for your relational interests is the goal of online dating site encounters. Although it may seem awkward to pursue romance in this fashion, plenty of people are doing it rather than hanging out in bars or starting conversations with strangers at the bus stop. Being matched via a Website provides a certain degree of anonymity and security, but this works both ways, so that you may not get full disclosure from the person you are interested in until you have a chance to meet in person. Plus, when you pay $29.99 a month to meet other singles, you may feel like the process is a little bit commercialized rather than spontaneous, which can be off-putting for some folks.
If you want to take a gamble and are willing to play by the safety rules, online dating might be a fun and exciting way to find friends and romance in regions beyond your community. Browse some of the popular sites online for a better idea of the requirements and policies. Then check in and check out the possibilities.
Roy Turner is savvy writer of Online Dating Club. He wrote many articles related to Online Dating and Adult Match Maker. You find more articles related to Adults. Love, Matchmaking, etc. in this website (www.adultmatchmaker.com).
article_roy_turner@yahoo.co.in
http://www.allgoodarticles.com/article238.html
Too, some people jump, while young, into marriage, and then end up getting divorced. By midlife, then, they are in the second round of the matrimonial quest and not sure where to find someone with whom they are compatible. Many new divorcees and widows or widowers have been out of the dating game for decades. Some never expected to be there again. Now they attempt to juggle a social life with other responsibilities by checking out their options with a matchmaking service.
What these adults share in common is the desire for a meaningful relationship. Some may be eager for passion while others would be quite satisfied with someone they feel compatible with for conversations or dinner dates. Motives may differ, but those who contact an online dating service for help in expanding their romantic possibilities share excitement and hope. At Adult Matchmaker (www.adultmatchmaker.com), visitors can click on numerous links to check out the various dating services that now offer assistance to those looking for new people to meet, befriend, and date. Some services claim higher matrimonial rates than others, but most users expect a series of brief introductions that may lead nowhere at all. American Singles (www.americansingles.com) claims to host millions of members worldwide. As with most such sites, visitors can register, choose basic preferences like gender and age, submit up to four photos, and begin their search for Mr. Or Ms. Right.
Finding the best match for your relational interests is the goal of online dating site encounters. Although it may seem awkward to pursue romance in this fashion, plenty of people are doing it rather than hanging out in bars or starting conversations with strangers at the bus stop. Being matched via a Website provides a certain degree of anonymity and security, but this works both ways, so that you may not get full disclosure from the person you are interested in until you have a chance to meet in person. Plus, when you pay $29.99 a month to meet other singles, you may feel like the process is a little bit commercialized rather than spontaneous, which can be off-putting for some folks.
If you want to take a gamble and are willing to play by the safety rules, online dating might be a fun and exciting way to find friends and romance in regions beyond your community. Browse some of the popular sites online for a better idea of the requirements and policies. Then check in and check out the possibilities.
Roy Turner is savvy writer of Online Dating Club. He wrote many articles related to Online Dating and Adult Match Maker. You find more articles related to Adults. Love, Matchmaking, etc. in this website (www.adultmatchmaker.com).
article_roy_turner@yahoo.co.in
http://www.allgoodarticles.com/article238.html
How to Flirt With Almost Anyone
Practice makes a man perfect- Try flirting with your friends and the people you know first. This way you get good guidance & confidence along the way. Flirting with your friends make you more comfortable & gives you the confidence to do it with anyone.
Be rude but polite- Try to be rude in a polite manner. Pass small cheeky comments at the person you are flirting with. Do not overdo it & try to have some fun doing it.
Confidence is the key- It's all about the confidence. If you do not have the confidence never try to flirt. First impression is the last impression therefore lack of self confidence can lead to a bad impression on the person you are flirting with.
Body language- This is of great importance if you want to master the art of flirting. Most people think body language does not matter but it reveals a lot about you. Try to appear friendly & welcoming. Always make eye contact & stand with solid posture.
Keep it interesting- Always start a conversation with a common topic but never keep it too long as long conversations are known to be boring most of the times. Try to bring up issues about current topics and find out the person's view on it.
Play hard to get- Do not answer the other person's question directly. Try to answer a question with a question. People often become more interested when they cannot get something easily.
Use flattery- Be truthful and flatter her on something you really believe is nice. Being truthful and heartfelt about something is a better form of flattery. For example- Notice her clothes or her shoes - something that shows you are paying attention.
Treat them mean to keep them keen- This is the most important rule of flirting. Do not be too nice in your approach. Flirting can be fun but when it comes to doing it with a stranger it can be a tough task. Once you get the "nice guy" label it's hard to keep the person's attention & you may face the risk of rejection & sometimes even embarrassment.
Now that you know all the rules of flirting go ahead and have fun. But remember not to over-do it.
Author information
Sunny Arora
Be rude but polite- Try to be rude in a polite manner. Pass small cheeky comments at the person you are flirting with. Do not overdo it & try to have some fun doing it.
Confidence is the key- It's all about the confidence. If you do not have the confidence never try to flirt. First impression is the last impression therefore lack of self confidence can lead to a bad impression on the person you are flirting with.
Body language- This is of great importance if you want to master the art of flirting. Most people think body language does not matter but it reveals a lot about you. Try to appear friendly & welcoming. Always make eye contact & stand with solid posture.
Keep it interesting- Always start a conversation with a common topic but never keep it too long as long conversations are known to be boring most of the times. Try to bring up issues about current topics and find out the person's view on it.
Play hard to get- Do not answer the other person's question directly. Try to answer a question with a question. People often become more interested when they cannot get something easily.
Use flattery- Be truthful and flatter her on something you really believe is nice. Being truthful and heartfelt about something is a better form of flattery. For example- Notice her clothes or her shoes - something that shows you are paying attention.
Treat them mean to keep them keen- This is the most important rule of flirting. Do not be too nice in your approach. Flirting can be fun but when it comes to doing it with a stranger it can be a tough task. Once you get the "nice guy" label it's hard to keep the person's attention & you may face the risk of rejection & sometimes even embarrassment.
Now that you know all the rules of flirting go ahead and have fun. But remember not to over-do it.
Author information
Sunny Arora
Sunny Arora is the writer at cybertub.com. A free online dating service. Jump right into the world of cybertub. Internet's leading dating and social networking website. 100% free. Join now- http://www.cybertub.com
Learn more at http://www.cybertub.com
Learn more at http://www.cybertub.com
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