When Things Go Wrong - Part One: The Basics

This has been a very distressing day. Things took an unexpected turn recently and all is not well between myself and a certain ladyfriend of mine. In the process of attempting to set things right it occurred to me that for all we may learn of the proper principles in relating to both friends and lovers, misunderstandings are as unavoidable as a gust of wind on a clear sunny day. Already I know this will have to be part of a series as we take time to look at, not how to avoid problems in our relationships, but how to deal with them when they've already made their presence known. While it would be a tedious, unending task to address every issue under the sun, it's my hope we can look at and employ certain principles that may guide us along.

First we will look at the situation at hand. For now we will deal with the relationship between a man and woman, whether it be as friends or an exclusive relationship since there are certain dynamics at work here that are not always present with same sex friendships. Some problems arise accidentally due to the unintentional act of one partner. We will discuss this instance here in our first installment. In these instances, the problem is due to no predetermined, malicious effort.. but merely a misunderstanding caused by assumption, ignorance or lack of communication.

Part of what makes it such a joy for me as a man to spend time conversing with a woman is to discuss a variety of topics with her and constantly find that even when we agree on any given topic it is often for different reasons or from different viewpoints. Men and women think and react differently, no surprise there. So it must be remembered that when a man and woman attempt to sort out a relationship problem they are still looking at the problem from two very different perspectives, both equally valid.

As a man I've often observed of myself and other men that when we want to discuss a relationship problem our first inclination is to approach it by first dissecting it's origin and then tracing how the repercussions made their conclusion to the problem at hand. However, in listening to what the woman I am sorting the problem with has to say, I've observed she is more concerned with the motivations and state of heart that the actions implied to her. While both viewpoints have their usefulness it should be kept in mind during the heat of discourse that the objective in "working out" issues should not to have a tug of war between 'reason vs. emotion'. Too many times this is easy to do with the man constantly moving the conversation over to "who said what, when and to what end..." while the woman struggles to move the discussion into the area of "why and what did you mean by?..".

Instead, what should be kept in mind is listening with twice the effort as you put into stating your own position. Several years ago I was shopping with a woman with whom I was in a relationship at the time. As we approached the mall door I stepped forward to open the door for her. She is a very clever, intelligent woman and we often made subtle tongue-in-cheek comments to each other along those lines. As she went through the door she smiled and remarked, "Do you always open the door for just -any- woman?" Wanting to be both playful and complimentary I replied, "I always open the door for a beautiful woman." It was only a few moments later that she began to take serious offense to my comment.

She said that she felt offended that I implied I would not open the door for just -any- woman and the further implication being that, had I not considered her beautiful I'd not have opened the door for her. I replied that I had made the comment in the same playful manner I'd taken her question and that there was no reason for her to feel offended. To this she replied, "Whether you feel I have reason or not, I am offended and that is what is at issue."

Even as we were discussing the same event we were talking about two completely different issues. My attention was drawn to observing what had taken place and trying to find where I was at fault. Her attention was on the implications and motivations of what I'd said and how it might reflect what I thought of her. So now... what to do? Two things had to be clarified. One was that I let her know I had not intended the implications she feared. The other was that I acknowledge having offended her and for that I was sorry. This is what we did and the issue was set aside.

But what can happen very easily is that a man may be more concerned with proving his own innocence than he is in hearing that, whether intentional or not, he did something that set his beloved's heart unrest or offense. It is much like stepping on a stranger's toe when in a crowded situation. We look at the person and tell them we're sorry. We say this not because we suddenly regret having some predetermined, malicious intent to purposely step on their toe, but we aplogize because we have caused them some discomfort and inconvenience.

Two important things we must remember about ourselves as people is that we highly value both being heard and having our expressions given due consideration. Even if we are innocent of the "instance" being discussed, if in the course of discussing it we ignore the fact that we have caused someone unrest it is in ignoring their expressions that we are guilty of an actual offense to them. For it is a subtle form of disrespect to essentially argue, "I don't care what you felt, I didn't mean it that way, so drop it." To instead say, "I didn't mean it that way, trust me.. but I did hurt your feelings and for that I am sorry." requires both a strong sense of humility and consideration from ourselves. To some this is considered weak or even an injustice to themselves. But to the one who has their heart set on reconciliation, consideration and love for their beloved, it is yet another intimate expression of our care for their well being.

http://www.singlescafe.net/wrong1.html?authorname=Henry%20Velez

Thoughts About Relationships.

This week I was thinking about some of the lessons and concepts learned by my clients and me. All of these are important and valuable. If you get any one of these and apply it, you will see an immediate improvement in the quality of your relationships. Please take what fits and use it in your life to create relationships you cherish.

Its your job to educate your partner how to treat you so that you feel loved.

Communication doesn't mean talking. It means sharing.

Infidelity is the surest way to destroy a relationship.

Generosity is rarely about money or things. It's mostly about heart.

What people do to you is rarely about you and is almost always about their unresolved past don't take it personally.

Until you resolve your past you are not free to have a future.

Until you realize that a great relationship is created by who you are being, you won't have one.

Until you love yourself enough to take care of your needs, no one else will.

If you feel empty, a relationship will most likely make you feel emptier.

Compassion for your partner goes a long way to getting what you want.

Sexual intimacy has very little to do with attractiveness and everything to do with emotional intimacy and trust.

Women rarely appreciate money and assistance as a substitute for emotional intimacy.

If your partner continuously says ``There is nothing wrong with me, our problems are all your fault", move on!

This is not a dress rehearsal this is your life and your relationships in progress. When will you start creating it the way you want it to be?

You are not your parents. There is no reason your relationship or life should look like theirs.

Rather than trying to get love and needs met by a partner, go back and get what you need from your parents and yourself.

It's much easier to be yourself than being ``what you think" others want you to be.

Even when someone loves you more than life it self, they will still look out for their interests first.

Being a people pleaser is not an effective way to create good relationships.

If you always take care of someone, you take away their power. They will resent you for it.

Supporting men financially takes away their self esteem. Give them moral support instead.

The best relationships are partnerships.

If you get to be right most of the time and make your partner take all of the blame, you will end up alone.

A relationship with a foundation of dishonesty is like a house of cards.

Grass only looks greener on the other side.

You may secretly wonder if there isn't a better partner out there. This is your mind's way of communicating that you are dangerously close to real intimacy with your current partner.

If your partner says that they are willing to grow and change don't test them. Support them in their commitment.

Emotional maturity is knowing when you are overreacting. Stop and take care of your needs so that you can get back in balance.

What you think you want is often not what you want, but a sideways plot to get your needs met.

If you ask, very often you will receive.

Communication means two way understanding, not one way accusing.

http://www.singlescafe.net/relationshipthoughts.html?authorname=Rinatta%20Paries

The Dangers of Instant Romance

Is love at first sight really possible or is it just infatuation? Does it take time to know whether we are really in love or can we know right away?

While many people believe in love at first sight, at least in principle, most people agree there are dangers in instant romance.

Exactly why is it important to take plenty of time when it comes to getting involved in a relationship? The most important reason is that you really don't know a person until you've spent a great deal of time together. Since you don't really know this person, your feelings of "love" are no doubt based more on fantasy than reality, more on the illusion of who you want him or her to be rather than who he or she really is. You may think you know all you need to know based on your intense attraction but many, many people have had disastrous results from this kind of thinking. you owe it to yourself to take time to get to know a person before getting to deeply involved. It's hard enough to make a relationship nowadays. Why risk a broken heart because you jumped in too fast?

It takes time to get to know one another, to discover whether you have compatible interests, beliefs and values. and it takes time to develop trust and discover whether you are capable of resolving conflicts and disagreements.

While you don't need to view every potential partner as a potential spouse or a major risk, you do want to find out as much about him or her as you can in order to determine if you and your new love interest are compatible and to rule out any potential problems. take the time to get to know someone new by observing him or her in a variety of situations and in various moods. Notice how your new love interest treats other people, what he or she says about other people, and how much of himself or herself he or she is willing to share with you.

Second, if you become involved too quickly you run the risk of being disappointed later on when you discover who your partner really is. We all try to put our best foot forward when we first start dating and most of us are a little dishonest about who we really are when we first meet someone. And many of us have a tendency to idealize a new love interest instead of being willing to really get to know the real person. If this scenario sounds familiar don't continue to set yourself up by rushing blindly into another relationship. Decide that this time you are going to do it differently.

Third, getting involved too quickly can be a sure-fire way to lose yourself. This is particularly true for women. What do I mean by "losing yourself"? When we lose ourselves we lose touch with our sense of self, our identity. We lose track of our real feelings and may begin to question our beliefs, our values and doubt our perceptions. We lose ourselves in relationships by giving up important aspects of our life such as our time with our friends, our time alone, and our time pursuing our hobbies and interests. Before we know it we're spending more time with our partner and his or her friends, doing the things our partner likes to do instead of what we really love to do.

Here are some specific strategies that will help those of you who tend to get involved too quickly to slow down. These strategies will also help discourage a partner who is pushing you to get involved too fast.

1. Instead of misinterpreting your feelings of "instant attraction" as the real thing, begin to view them with a more realistic, skeptical eye. As good as it may feel to be with this new person, if you don't know who he or she really is you are essentially entering into a relationship with a stranger. Don't allow the fact that you've "fallen in love" (or more accurately in lust) with someone blind you to finding out more about him-- his family background, his relationship history, his work history, his plans for the future.

2. No matter how wonderful you feel a new man or a new woman is, go slow. Don't go out more than two times in one week and don't have long phone conversations (more than 20 minutes) more than twice a week. Give yourself time between dates and evenings when you don't talk to one another on the phone. This will give you the opportunity to reconnect with yourself and will help you maintain your sense of separateness.

3. Don't jump into bed right away, no matter how strong the chemistry between you. Having sex too early on makes you extremely vulnerable and will cause you to lose your objectivity and this is what probably got you into trouble in the past. Recent studies have shown that most couples now have four dates before having sex and this sounds fairly appropriate. You need at least this much time to get to know each other and to develop emotional intimacy.

4. Make your decision to have sex a conscious, deliberate one based on whether you are ready for sexual intimacy instead of letting your hormones dictate your behavior. And have a discussion beforehand as to just what type of relationship you are going to have. For example, are you each going to continue to date other people or be monogamous? Are both of you interested in pursuing a committed relationship or not?

5. Don't tell your new love interest your life history on your first few dates. It's important to be open and honest about who you are but it isn't safe or healthy to bare your soul and tell a new man or woman your deepest, darkest secrets when you first meet.

Only time will tell if a new love interest is someone whose habits, values and attitudes are compatible with yours and someone you'll feel comfortable with on a daily basis. We all have an ideal self we present to new partners in order to impress them. Only by being around each other over a period time will you each drop your facades and begin to show your real selves. Make sure you aren't already locked into a commitment by the time this happens.

http://www.singlescafe.net/instant.html?authorname=Beverly%20Engel

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

Dr Jaffer, of Shifa Clinic fame, laments his recently acquired reputation as a sought-after match-maker. [For the record, he is happily married and with a kid, not the result of matchmaking.]

Alright. Fine. So I've been married for 4 years and now have a kid. Does that really make me qualified to match two individuals in holy matrimony?

Apparently so. Our society is strange. And the evolution of our matchmaking process is getting stranger too. Rigid protocols and established norms of who should approach who for help in matchmaking for whom are blurring. Nowadays I meet people,
usually older than me, who tell me I was a lucky (and smart) man to marry young. This may be true. However, now they want to
get married. Desperately. They are tired of a solitary existence and want partnership, companionship; they are looking for
someone compatible with themselves (often, since they are Pakistani or Indians, that means another Pakistani or Indian, respectively). All very moving and heartfelt. But why me?

For years, I've heard elders constantly say things like "Agar voh abhi shaadi nahin kartee hai, to phir kabhi nahin karay gee!" ["If she does not get married now, she will never get married!"]. I
used to scoff at such "bakwaas" [humbug]. Now I'm not so sure. Have you ever tried to find a suitable match for a 33 year-old desi woman? Or for that matter for a 33-year old desi gentleman? Now I know why they're asking for help!

Interestingly, I've recently been asked by so-called "ABCDs" for some fix-me-uppance too. Even more interestingly, despite their attestations that they are not really part of the desi
culture, they seem to prefer people of South Asian descent as well. In fact, some go so far as to say they prefer a person who has "emigrated" from the homeland (versus born in the US). Er. Ahh. Huh?

In college I was involved in volunteer theater productions by an organization called Dramashop. Many people regarded the setup as a 20th
century ritual for matchmaking. Maybe we could use some volunteer theater productions for Desis searching for a mate?
That would hopefully take me off the hotseat of matchmaking.

The reason I'm so against being a matchmaker is that pre-shaadi, I hated all attempts by people (family or friends) to try
and match me up. HATED it. It's my life isn't it, I would say. I could never imagine myself requesting such assistance. When people
come to me, I don't know what to say. I cannot believe they would ask for such aid. I cannot believe they would ask for my aid . I mean, ME? A person so against matchmaking, how could I ever arrange a match following the
proper etiquette ("OK Aunty and Uncle; thanks for the tea and indian grocery store samosas but bottomline: my good friend here is lonely and desperate and wishes to wed your first-born..."?

It must be a chaotic and querilous (and desolate) sea out there if friends I admire (and am very fond of), are grasping at a sea-weed like myself to see them to shore.

Oh well: come one, come all. Matchmaking services provided to all.... grudgingly.

http://www.chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=00000190&channel=chaathouse

Five Crucial Points Of Attraction

I was thinking about some of the most IMPORTANT points that make a SERIOUS difference in getting results with women.

Points that most guys don't realize or that they tend to gloss over without understanding their full meaning and impact.

Here they are:

1. For most guys who are new to learning these skills, one of the challenges is that the states of mind they need to be in for the interaction are THE EXACT OPPOSITE of the states they actually feel in that moment.

So, to be precise, the state of being in a GREAT MOOD, and being PLAYFUL, and being COCKY in a GOOD NATURED SENSE, and being SEXUAL, well it all seems not only very DIFFICULT to be in that state when they are starting an interaction with a woman, but also, there is this wrong assumption that you have to ALWAYS be in this state, and so the guy feels he's not being HIMSELF.

And that can lead a guy to feel resentment, because he feels as if these girls are all LIGHT-HEADED and as if the ONLY thing they can think about is FUN, because when he goes in "serious" it never works very well at all.

This leads to more negativity, and more thinking of women as being "different" and crazy, bad, etc. Which makes him even MORE serious and makes him more bitter, etc. And so when he finally does make some effort at "playful", it's TOTALLY FORCED, totally not congruent, and his own bitterness and anger seeps through.

Which turns her off, and gives the guy more negative feedback, hurting his inner game even more.

So, for any guys out there that are in that situation right now, let me immediately say that IT'S NOT THAT WOMEN ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS, it's that HUMAN SOCIALIZING AND HUMAN SEXUALITY is most COMPATIBLE with this type of state of mind.

Look, the reality is that I am many DIFFERENT things. I can be deadly serious. I like serious stuff. One of my favourite movies of all time is The Sixth Sense. I'm not only all about the laughs, to say the least. There are a lot of other emotions that appeal to me besides playfulness and sexuality.

And sometimes, in some environments, going in for pure intrigue for the pickup can work fantastic. I use this sometimes as well.

However, what's CRUCIAL to understand is that you can't get turned on if you are feeling FEAR. So if you are chatting to a woman, getting her laughing is a great way to overcome the fact you are a stranger.

Also, even in general, the better a person is feeling, the more joy they will get out of EVERYTHING, including sex.

So for that reason as well, you want to put a woman into a BETTER STATE than the state she was in before she met you.

It leads to her more easily transitioning into a sexual vibe with you even from the GET GO of your conversation, interaction, etc.

So you see, you are not FAKING your personality by being playful, fun, sexual, etc, you are doing the only thing that makes SENSE for ANYONE.

To NOT be in the playful state is simply to be acting very strange indeed. Also, the truth is, you probably ARE a playful guy in OTHER situations, so it IS a dimension of your personality, it's just not coming across from you in your interactions with women right now, and you want to change that asap in order to get results.

Remember, this is PICK UP and ATTRACTION, so your interaction must be geared for THAT.

If this was about asking girls to teach you Einstein's Theory of Relativity, then you could go in all serious if you wanted. But this is about sexual stuff, attraction stuff, human emotion stuff.

VIBES are everything.

Next:

2. The point of learning TACTICS and lines is to HELP YOU GET ON YOUR FEET so you can pass the sticking points in your game. This way, once you pass the sticking points, once you get the result several times, you will start to see how all the infinite subtle details gel together as part of the big picture, and you will then no longer need specific "lines" or "tactics".

You will then be able to FAR EASIER get the SAME result instinctively. But the tactics helped you in the beginning.

There is nothing WRONG with tactics per se. My book and CD and even my live programs include many useful tactics as well as all the BIGGER PICTURE insights as well.

Regarding the "tactics" you will see from the way they are presented in the larger context of the program that they are meant only as a tool to get you to a realization of the bigger picture so that you will NOT need the "tactics" anymore.

It's a bit like working out with weights and "cheating" or getting a spotter to help you squeeze out a rep. You get some outside HELP to finish the rep of that exercise. But because you managed to finish the rep, your body gets the benefit of the exercise, and you grow to the point you don't need the spot or the cheat.

Of course, most people TOTALLY abuse the "cheating" or "spotting" principle, and similarly, most guys TOTALLY abuse the "tactics" for improving your skills with dating and attracting the kind of women you want.

When I first started out, I remember I thought there was only one way to kiss a girl that was reliable. The reality is that there are MILLIONS, but having a basic game plan in the beginning allowed me to GET to the whole kissing thing and beyond enough times that I realized that the truth is, a girl will kiss you as soon as she's attracted, period.

But in the beginning, your ego is fragile, so you make a big deal about creating a method to avoid any chance of rejection. But the funny thing is, after a while you get so good at this stuff that you realize that MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT THE KISS is in ITSELF A PROBLEM and is not attractive. It's needy, it's being too attached to the outcome of it all.

So you learn to totally stop thinking about that kind of thing and you basically are constantly escalating, and if you happen to escalate too fast a bit, you just chill out and let her catch up to that stage, and you go for it later.

But that doesn't mean learning "tactics" are useless, because as I said, they are a way to help prevent rejection which is something that a beginner cares more about since he doesn't have enough successes yet behind him to not care about it.

Similarly, from having so many interactions, I now have a cache of "lines" that I could use at any time that are virtually GUARANTEED to elicit certain emotional responses from attraction to bonding, etc. Because I am familiar with the delivery of them and the state of mind I said them in and because I know when to say it.

But the reality is that I don't NEED them, and in fact, I don't think about using them much except when I might be so exhausted and am running a pick up when I really should be sleeping. Or for example, if I want to play around with the internet and get girls to respond to ads and don't want to bother with much effort, I will just send out certain responses or messages to a bunch of girls and get a pretty good batting average off of that.

Again, though, it's more FUN to actually BE in the game, and not just be running it robotically, and of course your game runs even better when you are in the zone, for sure, because you can calibrate better to the exact specifications of the situation and of the girl's state.

3. This leads me to another REALLY important point:

THIS STUFF TAKES PRACTICE

A lot of guys who are not prepared to SERIOUSLY put some EFFORT into this, they want to get results from PURELY BEING A ROBOT.

They think there is some perfect, "How to get all chicks in a single bound of memorized tactic and lines".

That is simply RIDICULOUS. It's trying to oversimplify a very dynamic process.

What I DO believe in is TEACHING these skills using various approaches to learning, INCLUDING the use of models and paradigms to view attraction and the pick up process.

So yes, I do definitely use these models as PART of my instruction, but they are just one small tool. The models help give a guy a view of attraction and the pick up process, but no model can perfectly capture the INFINITE VARIETY of variables that can play out in an interaction between you and a woman.

However, the model CAN give you a beginner a useful VIEW of attraction, but being able to see many of the elements of attraction and the pick up process all at once as part of one model.

But that's all it is, a model.

FOR FULL INSIGHT AND EXCELLENCE, you have to understand and apply ALL THE PRINCIPLES.

To an extent, the answer to the "HOW" of pickup is in the "WHY". For example, let's say a guy wants to know how to kiss a girl.

Well, if he understands that, among many other things, that DOMINANCE is key, and he knows that her ANTI SLUT DEFENSE forbids her from taking responsibility for full escalation, and he knows that sexuality is unleashed when she is not thinking but rather FEELING, feeling GOOD, then he will understand that teasing her and getting her laughing and then escalating from holding hands to caressing her cheek to kissing is ONE good way of accomplishing that.

Obviously, understanding the FULL picture on dominance, the anti-slut defense shield, female culture and sexuality, sense of humor, etc, are KEY. THIS is the way to go for success in ALL situations with women, rather than trying to come up with a word-for-word SCRIPT for every situation. That would be ABSURD and not even EFFECTIVE as it would not allow for all the UNIQUE THINGS about that specific situation that you could work in SPONTANEOUSLY once you UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF.

So understanding the "WHY" is very important indeed in order to understand the HOW.

Of course, you want to make sure that you are getting the WHY explained by a guy who actually DOES THIS FOR REAL, WEEK AFTER WEEK, WITH REAL CLIENTS, IN THE REAL WORLD.

Otherwise, you may be getting a messed up picture that will ruin your results in the real world.

4. The fourth point I want to make clear here is the MASSIVE IMPORTANCE of having a life that you are passionate about BESIDES your dating life.

As passionate as you must be for success with women, you need to be JUST AS PASSIONATE about your OTHER goals in life.

Far too many guys get so swept up with the whole women thing, that they soon end up basing their SELF-ESTEEM on it, which opens them up to becoming vulnerable to depression, neediness, obsession, and other nasties, including kissing all the other good things in your life good bye. Such is the need for self-esteem, that if you base it on women, women will rule your life, and that can includes messed up women as well.

So, no matter what, you must MAINTAIN your sense of direction in life, and not let ANY woman, or women in general, affect that. Your direction, your path, your other passions, are what keep you grounded, and keep you strong.

This doesn't mean to not spend time on women, it just means not to lose your IDENTITY along the way.

And if you quit everything else about your life besides the women thing, then that other part of you ceases to exist.

The ironic thing about all this is that having an unshakeable sense of direction is actually VERY ATTRACTIVE to women. So in the end, this only helps your results with women as well.

Which leads me to the fifth point:

5. NEVER, EVER FORGET THE SEXUAL DIMENSION OF YOUR INTERACTION WITH WOMEN.

Remember, this is about leading to SEX. Other things too, perhaps, like a great relationship, but even that is still a SEXUAL thing, otherwise it would just be a friendship, right?

So what this means is that you have to MANHANDLE the interaction. Not in a caveman way, but in a dominant, yet upbeat and smooth way.

Women feel weird about leading the show towards sex. That's how they have been cultured, so it's up to YOU. Besides, do you really want women to take on that role? It's your privilege as a man. It's also your DUTY.

So if you act too anti-septic, too "nice" in that stereotypical way, to non-sexual, if you wait for HER to escalate, if you are afraid to ESCALATE even when the interaction is going well, because you care too much about her possible reaction and her rejecting the escalation, you will get NOWHERE.

It WON'T ESCALATE on it's OWN.

YOU have to make it happen, and you have to make it smooth as well. If you act like you are trying to accomplish something HARD, you are going to be giving off the wrong vibes.

So the idea is to act as if all this is NOT a big deal. If you make it seem like a big deal, it will make HER feel nervous and uncomfortable with you.

Finally, I'd like to say that ultimately, it's really all up to you. You have to WANT this to get good at it. Personally, I think that women, sex, and especially meeting the RIGHT woman and being with her, is an emotional experience that is INSANELY POWERFUL and enriching and well worth the effort.

If this is a goal you'd like to achieve, and you are prepared to WORK on it, instead of looking for a "magic line" then it's time you got yourself the finest education you can possibly get on this topic by ordering my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program.

This Program includes over 11 hours of perfectly organized advanced material that is the result of my last 3 YEARS of total dedication to it. It includes 10 CDs as well as a special book to help ensure you retain and understand what you learn.

This Program is not about short-cuts. There are no short-cuts in life, but you CAN be EFFICIENT with your time by learning from the BEST RESOURCES.

If you are SERIOUS about being the BEST you can be, order this program now at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

And if you would like to learn in PERSON, I recommend signing up for a super INTENSE environment: BOOTCAMP.

In my Real World Bootcamp, I take you under my exclusive wing and immerse you in all the intricacies of pick up for THREE DAYS and THREE NIGHTS. During all this time, my entire focus will be on you and ensuring you master these skills before graduating.

The Bootcamp is customized for your specific needs and goals, and the dynamic, interactive format accelerates your learning curve to take you to the next level in the shortest possiblee.

It's at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/bootcamp.htm

And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that now. This book is the foundation for all my other programs.

http://www.singlescafe.net/crucial-points-of-attraction.html?authorname=The%20Dating%20Wizard

Reports From The Real World Of Dating

When it comes to attracting a woman, and especially picking up women from COLD approaches from SCRATCH, there is a cold hard reality: IT TAKES SKILL.

There are bunch of things going on, and at times, many things going on at ONCE: Humor, dominance, leadership, bonding, trust, dealing with her friends or with the logistics of the environment, dealing with your own internal blocks, sexual escalation, changing her state, being able to decode what a woman REALLY means by her words to you when she is speaking to you in the presence of her friends, and finding the right accessories for you as well as sexualizing your wardrobe tastefully, and much MUCH more.

Unless you are a big name movie star or in luck of having model-level looks, it takes SKILL in all these areas and of course a healthy degree of guts as well to GET the girl.

This is the coolest thing, how SKILL can over-ride things like looks and wealth etc.

If you ever watch those tv dating shows, and you see a guy who is not particularly great looking, and he is getting a hottie all into him, observe closely. See, usually the guy TANKS, but it's because the guy has LAME-ASS skills and a weak vibe that is NOT attractive. Not his fault, of course, as society doesn't exactly breed guys properly for success with women, but the fact remains, he fails because of a lack of SKILLS.

You gotta realize that this stuff is very circular as well. See, the guy who is super good looking is not just good looking, he often ALSO benefits from a LIFETIME of being validated and a lifetime of experience with women. The "halo" effect where people think that good looking people are better, smarter, etc etc.

That often helps him develop the other aspects of his personality that actually lead to more experiences with women and all this stuff adds up to a VIBE that counts FAR MORE than looks alone! This is why if a guy is "good looking" but for some reason did NOT get the lifetime of validation, all his looks will still not help him with girls much. The other stuff counts MORE than looks.

And the guy who HASN'T had this validation stuff and tons of experience has a double hill to climb. But he CAN develop these skills and he can SURPASS the guys who were born lucky. But it's gonna take WORK and it's gonna take LEARNING.

But I SWEAR to you, it CAN be done. I've seen it happen in clients. It's a very proud moment for me to watch these guys.

And it doesn't have to take FOREVER.

Here's a letter from a guy who recently downloaded and read my eBook and put it into ACTION. It's not any of that "miracle" hogwash, it's just some SERIOUS progress.

***LETTER FROM A READER***
His First Breakthrough

"Hey Mike,

I am way behind in my studies right now, but I had such a great time last night at a party, I feel as though I have to write you my feedback right now to get it off my chest. I wanted to wait until I closed a deal to write you, but, I had such a great time, I couldn't wait. I purchased your eBook about 5 weeks ago, but I am hoping you'll share my breakthrough with everyone in your newsletters.

Though it took six weeks, it's finally coming together. After gaining the insight, I did have an epiphany as you explained would happen. I spent most of that time rearranging my mentality, observing people, questioning them, building up courage, focusing on my goals, and beginning openers. I also realized how miserable my low self-esteem was making my life-especially when it came to women.

The more I realized how miserable I was though, the more focused I was on breaking out of the terrible slump. I was such a nice guy. My openers were horrible at first. It's very difficult to articulate, but, though my openers didn't necessarily get better, they became more natural (and are becoming).

Anyways, so I'm at the party. I am talking with my friends, and I see two girls at the laptop choosing music, but they were there for quiet awhile. They walked away and this horrible song came on, so I put another song on. I didn't know it at the time, but they had spent about 20 minutes filtering through 500 songs to create their own playlist and I had just deleted it. This girl who is gorgeous walks up to me and says, "hey, you deleted our playlist." LOL, All I was thinking to myself was, "I better effing say something, and it better not be a damn apology or some gaping smile."

So I looked at her and said, "yah, I didn't like it, and don't change my song" and walked away. Even though it wasn't my dream opener, it was so natural-it's as if I didn't even really try to say anything. LOL, you should have seen the expression on her face, like "wow, this guy actually has a nut or two to stand up for himself."

And she didn't change the song. As the night went on, she would get close to me, and I'd tease her, and she'd tease me. It was really a fun time. I had so much fun, not with the teasing so much as her rebuttals-I enjoyed the challenges she gave me, it was so attractive-I wanted her more every time she came back with something. Though my game was weak, there was some kind of connection, and we kept it up most of the time.

Also, lol, I was teasing other girls as much as I could. It became so easy. I fell into this zone where I didn't care what my friends thought (mostly because they are so apologetic). I had difficulty keeping focus because I was having so much fun with her and also the party in general. It was her trying to make eye contact with me--looking to see if I was looking.

For the first time in LONG TIME I was truly enjoying every minute that passed. Everybody was celebrating, and no one was hurting each other (I know, I know-I should be enjoying every minute anyhow, and I work on that, but you know what I mean). Like I said, I didn't seal the deal, but I didn't try to seal it for a reason; I wanted to wake up early to study and get my chores done. What a great night.

When I see a girl now, I don't think, "Man, I hope this girl gives me the time of day," but rather, I say to myself "I gottah give this gurl a tease, I want her challenge, I want to see if she's worth the time of day (I am only awake for about 16 of them). And yes, it has only been one day. Thanks for the newsletters. It's great to have those reminders.

I read the ebook mostly in one night. The next night, I finished it. And I had the epiphany, and I couldn't sleep for two days. The epiphany had more to do with how I see humans in general and my life more than it had to do with women. It was truly a good piece, and it made me think and challenge my thoughts. It was a very worthwhile investment.

I am graduating in May (that's the plan anyways), and I have to drop a lot of money on graduation. I will most likely purchase your CD's in the future. I also have a lot more to work when it comes to women. (Regarding the eBook) I thought it had a very nice flow. It's obvious that you carefully crafted your chapters. Great examples.

Craig T.

***MY RESPONSE*** Okay, first of all CONGRATS on making some SERIOUS progress. And thanks for the genuine props on the eBook.

And CONGRATS on the EPIPHANY.
Get ready for the dominos to start falling, one after another, as from this epiphany each realization leads to further massive realizations. And if you think the eBook is awesome, just wait till you get to the CD set!!!!!

Let's first go over what you did RIGHT in your interaction at the party:

1. You GOT your butt OUT of the house. Seriously, this IS a huge thing. If you're used to NOT taking action, it can take huge inertia to draw up the wherewithal to overcome all the negative voices in your mind telling you to continue to do nothing so that you avoid any potential emotional pain.

(Even though of course, not taking action leads to more emotional pain, but the brain has a funny way of not thinking long term and wanting to just avoid the short term pain, so this is why I say congrats on overcoming that.)

2. You TOOK the ball and RAN with it. When she came to you and essentially OPENED YOU UP, (which by the way could be an interesting strategy of opening up girls at a party if they ever choose a song you didn't freak out but rather SAW OPPORTUNITY and showed DOMINANCE and VALUE in a way that wasn't mean but was just COOL and made sense.

You were THE MAN!

As you know, of course, it could have been FUNNIER, but it was still SOLID stuff and in fact this was the way I used to run my own game, it was pure dominance and less playful. And it worked really well too, but not as great in clubs/parties where the vibe is pure fun.

But that was years ago when I was still a bit pissed about women, so I wasn't congruent with the playful stuff right off the bat.

However, the sooner you get the playful vibe CONGRUENT to your personality, the better. Out with the chips on our shoulders, they do nothing for us or the chicks in our lives. Use the past as useful lessons, not as misery fuel.

Dominance should be MIXED with playfulness.

3. You teased her and built up the FUN vibes AND the tension (not giving into her, keeping things challenging but in a fun way), (although let us know next time the exact teases you gave!)

4. You ENJOYED her challenges, you didn't get offended or insecure, you "GOT IT" as they say. You have developed to the point that you are internally strong enough to ENJOY this. Good stuff, and a very attractive trait to the super hottest of women who "get it" too.

5. You enjoyed the party in general and socialized with plenty of other girls too. You were doing what you SHOULD be doing at a party- having fun by being in the right state. Otherwise, what the heck is a guy doing at a party. If he is ONLY there desperately looking for chicks, it's faar from the best vibe. It's like the guy has no sense of FUN, it's also like he is a pure taker. He is not adding to the vibe, he just is all too serious looking for chicks.

Okay, now, here's where you could IMPROVE:

1. Even though you did a good job of running with the ball when it was presented to you, you don't want to RELY on women opening YOU up for ANY reason. Yes, women open up guys for various reasons, and there are things you can do to help increase the chances of that like wearing certain crazy types of clothing and accessories as conversation pieces, but you want to be a man of ACTION and not rely on that.

I'm not saying you would rely on that, but I want to make SURE you don't develop a weakness in APPROACHING by looking for ways out of it where women will approach you instead.

The reasons for this are not only practical in the sense of increasing your options of women to choose from, but also internally as well, you don't want to send the message to your brain that you are passive. So take action.

Okay, the next thing to improve:

2. STOP the teasing earlier. Even though it's GREAT to get to that point where you "get" how to tease and enjoy that vibe, you have to TAKE THINGS TO THE NEXT LEVEL by getting "real" as they say.

As I explain in the eBook as well, if you are going to ever proceed to getting physical, you have to develop some TRUST and more solid CONNECTION. A woman can't open up PHYSICALLY usually until she feels there is a much more solid "getting to know you" going on.

This is what comes after teasing. And by the way, teasing is not the ONLY way to establish vibe, but at parties it is usually the best way to go, since the vibe is fun.

The key is to make emotional impact, and fun teasing vibes are very sexual and also fun is very close to pleasure, and that's all close to sex, so it makes sense. But just to prevent any confusion, I want to make it clear that teasing is not the only way to open girls up, what counts is being EMOTIONALLY COMPELLING to her. But that's a whole other story, and I deal with that as well as a TON of other important topics in my CD Mastery Apprenticeship Program.

The next thing to IMPROVE on:

3. You mention you "had difficulty keeping focus because I was having so much fun with her and also the party in general. It was her trying to make eye contact" etc, etc.

Man, you HAVE to focus. What happened is NORMAL when you start. There is so much stimulation happening, and it feels so good, and also you don't want to see it all go down the toilet with a "disappointment" in case you TRY to push to the next level and you get resistance from her. So it gets harder to think, and also you don't want to LOSE that happy state by LOSING.

But what you have to do is REALIZE that success can ONLY be yours if you DO keep pushing. Of course, you do this WISELY, SMOOTHLY, but it will never GET smooth and perfect until you first GET IN THERE and do it not perfectly a few times.

DON'T GET IT PERFECT.
JUST GET IN THERE and WORK IT.

The reality is that most girls are not going to "blow you off" and be rude to you, they are just going to give you some resistance, which is FINE. You can DEAL with that too, as you will learn to finely calibrate your connection building and physical escalation with experience, and with help of the insights, strategies, and tips you get from having the Wizard here as your secret weapon.

And this leads me to the next thing you can improve on:

4. ALWAYS try to take your interaction as far as possible. You mention you had chores and studies, and I believe you, but something tells me that if you knew you could have that fine chicka with you even if it would just be for one hour, you would do it that night.

And the adrenaline rush would be so awesome that you'd have tons of energy for your chores even with less sleep, and then the next night you'd sleep like a baby. Of course, I could be wrong, and also, I DEFINITELY am against any kind of DRIVING when fatigued. So if you were going to have to drive and you would be fatigued, then I totally am with ya there in calling it quits for the night.

I have to point this stuff out because otherwise it's too easy to rationalize to ourselves out of taking full action. I'm giving you the tough love, yo. Because I wanna see you GET the girl next time.

But again, overall, congrats, you are a man of ACTION, especially when you are in an environment of friends who DON'T take action, it takes extra OOMPH to go against the tide.

And if you are reading this right now, and would like to take YOUR results with women to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL, then you ought to download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, IMMEDIATELY.

It's at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

The guy right here in this email got the epiphany after completing the book in two nights. It's real, the kind of thing that charges you up so massively, you can't SLEEP for a couple of nights. Yup, sorry, but that's how powerful it is. In 6 weeks, he was already "getting it" and clearly women who are HOTTIES are seriously INTERESTED in him.

We're talking changing around an entirely wrong way of BEING and thinking that was entrenched into him over his entire LIFE, and yet in 6 weeks, major positive change has already occured.

Now, he just has to learn exactly how to PUSH it farther to the next stage to SEAL THE DEAL. And if it's cool with him, he'll let us know how he's doing soon and let us know his next stage of progress.

Again, to get your FOUNDATION for success to women, download the eBook NOW at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

And if you have read the eBook and are ready for the NEXT level of success that will BLOW your mind, then you seriously owe it to yourself to take advantage of the three YEARS of blood, sweat and tears I put into my advanced CD program that I have just completed this summer:

The Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program CD Series.

This program is the most advanced resource around, PERIOD, on how to pick up ANY woman, how to approach, how to generate ALL the emotions required from first seeing her all the way to getting under the covers, and much MUCH more. It redefines the very meaning of attraction.

It's at:

http://thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

And if you want to learn this as FAST as possible, then maybe it's time you invested in yourself in a way that will pay off dividends for you for the rest of your LIFE by experiencing the 3 Day Ultra-Intense BOOTCAMP.

For three days, you will learn DIRECTLY from me, (your Bootcamp will consist of no other students and no other instructors, all my focus will be on YOU) HANDS ON in the FIELD, about EVERYTHING you need to know to pickup most effectively in every different type of situation.

You will learn by seeing DEMONSTRATION, you will learn also by DOING it yourself as I coach you and provide you with immediate real time feedback to sharpen your every move, and you will learn by having every single facet of pickup from A to Z broken down for you so that you can DO it yourself.

To sign up or to find out more, go to:

http://www.singlescafe.net/real-world-of-dating.html?authorname=The%20Dating%20Wizard

3 Things Men Can't Resist in a Woman

1) A Woman Who Smiles (More powerful than you might realize)

A woman who smiles makes it easier for a man to approach her by conveying an attitude of confidence and playfulness. Since many women are fearful of giving men the "wrong impression" they frequently guard their smiles. While that approach is safer, it inadvertently sends the message of being someone who is overly cautious.

In addition, smiling is a sign of acceptance. Men often need some signal that it is safe to approach a woman before there're willing to a risk introduction themselves (unless they are intoxicated).

2) A Woman who Listens (and doesn't dominate the conversation)

Men rarely get listened to, at least not beyond a few minutes. Most of the time that is all men really need, but since most men hate to be rejected, it is easier for them to keep conversations superficial. They expect most women to want to talk rather than be willing to listen.

If they happen to meet a woman who listens with her eyes (looks at him while he's talking) as well as her ears, they are intrigued. Then, if she continues to listen and not take over the conversation, well, that's the kind of woman that men can't resist, and eventually marry.

3) A Woman who dresses Feminine (Men are REALLY visual)

Everyone knows that men are visual but women often forget just how helpless guys are to what they see. The right visual stimulation can hypnotize a man. Women hear this and often become fearful because the mistakenly believe that men only notice perfect women.

Forget Perfect! If you really want to be noticed by men think colors, dresses and curves. Men basically like any woman who has that soft and cuddly quality. It isn't that men don't find women attractive in pants or when they are dressed comfortably, it's that they don't notice them as easily. It doesn't catch their eye like earrings or long hair does.

Conversely, a powerfully dressed woman (think lots of red) makes most men think of sex, or not notice her at all. She may have a soft side, but if men can't see it, they often don't know it exist. The more feminine (softer) a woman dresses; the more men she will attract.

http://www.singlescafe.net/things-men-can-not-resist.html?authorname=Bob%20Grant,%20L.P.C.