Dr Jaffer, of Shifa Clinic fame, laments his recently acquired reputation as a sought-after match-maker. [For the record, he is happily married and with a kid, not the result of matchmaking.]
Alright. Fine. So I've been married for 4 years and now have a kid. Does that really make me qualified to match two individuals in holy matrimony?
Apparently so. Our society is strange. And the evolution of our matchmaking process is getting stranger too. Rigid protocols and established norms of who should approach who for help in matchmaking for whom are blurring. Nowadays I meet people,
usually older than me, who tell me I was a lucky (and smart) man to marry young. This may be true. However, now they want to
get married. Desperately. They are tired of a solitary existence and want partnership, companionship; they are looking for
someone compatible with themselves (often, since they are Pakistani or Indians, that means another Pakistani or Indian, respectively). All very moving and heartfelt. But why me?
For years, I've heard elders constantly say things like "Agar voh abhi shaadi nahin kartee hai, to phir kabhi nahin karay gee!" ["If she does not get married now, she will never get married!"]. I
used to scoff at such "bakwaas" [humbug]. Now I'm not so sure. Have you ever tried to find a suitable match for a 33 year-old desi woman? Or for that matter for a 33-year old desi gentleman? Now I know why they're asking for help!
Interestingly, I've recently been asked by so-called "ABCDs" for some fix-me-uppance too. Even more interestingly, despite their attestations that they are not really part of the desi
culture, they seem to prefer people of South Asian descent as well. In fact, some go so far as to say they prefer a person who has "emigrated" from the homeland (versus born in the US). Er. Ahh. Huh?
In college I was involved in volunteer theater productions by an organization called Dramashop. Many people regarded the setup as a 20th
century ritual for matchmaking. Maybe we could use some volunteer theater productions for Desis searching for a mate?
That would hopefully take me off the hotseat of matchmaking.
The reason I'm so against being a matchmaker is that pre-shaadi, I hated all attempts by people (family or friends) to try
and match me up. HATED it. It's my life isn't it, I would say. I could never imagine myself requesting such assistance. When people
come to me, I don't know what to say. I cannot believe they would ask for such aid. I cannot believe they would ask for my aid . I mean, ME? A person so against matchmaking, how could I ever arrange a match following the
proper etiquette ("OK Aunty and Uncle; thanks for the tea and indian grocery store samosas but bottomline: my good friend here is lonely and desperate and wishes to wed your first-born..."?
It must be a chaotic and querilous (and desolate) sea out there if friends I admire (and am very fond of), are grasping at a sea-weed like myself to see them to shore.
Oh well: come one, come all. Matchmaking services provided to all.... grudgingly.
http://www.chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=00000190&channel=chaathouse
