Although the Internet has lots of dating advice, dating tips for single moms sometimes don’t make sense. It’s a completely different world of dating when you’re a parent with a child or children at home. It complicates things ten-fold, and emotions like guilt or confusion only add to the mix. After talking to lots of single mothers of children of all ages, I’ve put together these dating tips for single moms to help make the world of dating less confusing and more successful.
Ease Your Kids Into It
When you’re ready to begin dating, ease into it with your kids. Don’t suddenly make a bomb-shell announcement like, “Mommy’s going to go on a date. This is really important.” This will guarantee resentment. Simply mention that you are going out with a friend when you have a first date. After all, this is all it is at this point.
Enjoy Your Date
Once you’ve decided to go on a date with a man, commit yourself to focusing on it and enjoying it fully. That means not calling the baby sitter every half hour to check in. If you aren’t ready to trust someone to watch the kids while you enjoy an evening out focused on enjoying yourself and getting to know someone, you shouldn’t be dating yet. You’ll also send huge signals to the man you’re with that you aren’t ready to start a relationship of any type.
Don’t Look at Your Date as a Potential Parent – Yet
Here’s a dating tip for single moms that also applies to single guys with kids: your first date should be about whether you like the person you’re out with. Don’t look at him like he’s a potential new parent for your kids – it’s way too early for that. It won’t matter if you end up deciding he isn’t right for you, and you don’t want to put too much pressure on him all at once. You just might scare the right man away before he has the chance to prove himself this way.
Avoid Competition
Don’t sacrifice traditional family activities for the sake of a date. If Sundays are always set aside for pancakes and bacon with your kids, don’t start making Sunday plans with a man you’re dating after just a few weeks – it sets an unhealthy precedent for a sense of competition between your children and your date.
Introducing Him to Your Kids
If you do establish a significant relationship, begin introducing him to your children little by little. Short, fun activities so that everyone can relax and enjoy getting to know one another are a good start. Neutral territory (a family restaurant or perhaps the zoo) is best at first. You can add including your new suitor in family activities after your children have grown comfortable with him.
Men to Avoid
As your children get to know him, make sure that the man you’re dating accepts your children just as they are. He shouldn’t try to discipline or change them – that’s not his job. If he becomes critical of your children or of your parenting style, it’s time to end it.
Make the Rules Clear from the Start
Your children will always come first. It’s one of the most important dating tips for single moms I know of. If the man you’re dating doesn’t understand this now, he won’t later. Some men will commend you for this and agree whole-heartedly – these are the mature, loving ones. Other men will feel like this puts them in “second place,” and they will probably never love your children like they should be loved because he will see them as competition for your time and affection.
Don’t Lean on the Man You’re Dating Too Soon
Any serious relationship is a big step, and you never want to confide everything or rely on the person you’re dating too early on. This dating tip for single moms applies to any single (don’t cry about ex’s, your parents, etc. on the second date), but it is particularly true for singles moms who are dating. He may be perfectly wonderful, but even the strongest, most compassionate man will be frightened if you spend your third date discussing details of your child’s adjustment problems in third grade or your concerns about whether your teenage daughter is drinking. These are serious matters, and should only be discussed once a serious relationship is established.
Let Your Dates be About You and Him
He may come to love your children completely, but the person he asked out was you. Remember to talk about things beyond parenting.
I hope you also remember to have a good time on your dates – remember, you’re not only a mom, you’re also a vibrant single woman! If you keep this in mind as well as the above dating tips for single moms, you’ll have a wonderful time now and in the future – and you may find someone who is good for you and your children!
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