"I'm a progressive well-read mother of three … run my golden retriever almost every day. I'm a kitchen dancer; theatre-goer; kayaker (learned to roll but just no time); lapsed photographer; dogged skier; an anti-materialist with a clothing consultant."
So states the cleverly written ad of Nora (not her real name), one of 380,000 subscribers who shell out between $25 and $100 a year in the hope of attracting that special someone on Match.com, a leading online dating service with a database of 3 million romance seekers.
Nora's ideal match should be "smart, confident and naturally sexy," she writes, adding that you won't find him surrending a Saturday to TV sports because "so many other parts of life fascinate and beckon" him. And "no military types, couch potatoes or chronic depressives need apply."
Online Dating: The Rules in Reverse
Welcome to the world of online dating, where thanks to email, the rules of courtship have been reversed. Instead of physical chemistry being the basis for getting to know someone, an emotional and intellectual connection is what drives the decision to meet "offline" and see if there is a physical attraction.
Explains Trish McDermott, vice president of romance for Match.com, an avid user of her company's service (she dated someone she met online for 2 1/2 years): "Online you first see matches who meet some core criteria that you deem meaningful and important. You spend time getting to know this person, testing for good communications skills, a sense of humor, shared life goals and other areas of compatibility. Finally, if all seems right, you arrange to meet."
More Choices = Better Odds
For Nora, who at age 48 isn't inclined to barhop or attend single events, online dating is the best tactic she knows for finding a mate. "The more prospects I can meet and reject, the sooner I may come across some terrific man," she says.
Jim (also a pseudonym) met Nora on Match.com and began dating her after corresponding for a few weeks by email. He also likes the wide net cast by the Internet and compares online dating to being in a supermarket. "You get to see how the packaging looks and read a little about the ingredients. And if you want to buy it and try it, all it takes is an email."
The key to online dating is writing an ad or profile that attracts the kind of people you are seeking. Even with a well-crafted, targeted ad, be prepared to devote considerable time to browsing through responses, selecting matches and maintaining email contact. In less than a year, Nora has screened 100 responses. She has met 10 matches and dated half of them more than once.
"It takes a lot of time to review and contact matches, time to screen and talk to them, and time to keep your ad updated," she reports.
How to Stand Out From the Crowd
Your online profile is your first impression, so take the time to get it right. There are a few obvious "no brainers": post a great photo of yourself, accentuate the positive and be honest and direct. Asserting that all of your friends think you're attractive, or dogs don't run and bury their bones when you walk by, may seem perfectly straightforward to you, but to others it may trigger suspicion.
Match.com's McDermott offers the following tips on penning a good profile:
* Less is more. Don't expose every nook and cranny of your life — your pet peeves, your micro-managing boss, and your pesky "ex".
* Write sparingly. Don't write more than you might divulge at a cocktail party. All of that information can come after you have connected with someone.
* Be unique and memorable. "My home is more French Farm than French Country," reads a line in Nora's profile. Write in a manner that evokes some kind of response from the reader, which can be anything from curiosity to a chuckle.
* Have fun. Be genuine, relaxed and playful. "I'll follow any adventure, from finding box turtles to jumping out of airplanes," claims Nora. Playful people are the type to whom we tend to be attracted, says McDermott.
But Is Online Dating Safe?
If you decide to try online dating, make sure the service has an anonymous remailer to allow you to correspond with other members without giving out your contact information, advises McDermott. Take as much time as you need to get to know someone before arranging to meet, which should be in a public place with several of your friends aware of your plans. Keep the meeting simple — a cup a coffee. That way it is easy to say goodbye quickly if there isn't a connection.
Matches for Everyone
Online dating traffic has been picking up since September 11, 2001, and in response to growing demand, the big dating sites are adding more features and functionality. The 911 tragedy, experts agree, brought home the fact that life is short and relationships matter. People have been turning to all types of dating services in record numbers.
Match.com, One and Only Internet Personals, Yahoo Personals and Kiss.com allow searching of their database by location, age, gender and other keywords and make matches based on criteria set by you. There are also online dating services specific to ethnic, religious and interest groups.
Most services charge a subscription fee to respond to members' ads but allow you to search and post your profile and photo for free. They need that critical mass to persuade people like you to subscribe!
Work the system, says Nora, and you will get "qualified" matches. One senior man who fell in love at first byte on Match.com told the service "if a legally blind, bald, one-legged old man can find love online, then anyone can."
http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/onlinedating_02.html
