But I'm 'Average', How Can I Possibly Deserve The Partner Of My Dreams?

Generally speaking I am blessed to receive emails on a daily basis from readers and listeners expressing dramatic life change. I love to hear from people who are refusing to settle and therefore deserving what they want more and more every day. I truly live for messages like those these days. It inspires me to know that Emily and I are making a difference.

Sometimes, however, I receive other messages that inspire me in a completely different way. A few days ago, I received just such an email. A woman was unsubcribing from this newsletter, citing that she was "just an average Plain Jane", and that she could never live up the ideals talked about here and in the book Deserve What You Want. What intrigued me the most was that she was not so much discouraged from the hard work of deserving what SHE wanted as irritated that I would encourage men to never "settle" for any less than who THEY deserved.

When it came right down to it, she felt that even her most valiant efforts to deserve what she wants were going to fall short. Ultimately, her feeling was that no man from the "highest echelon of men on Earth" was ever going to want her, no matter what. And having been around the block a few times, I know for a fact that plenty of men feel the same way about attracting a great woman.

So then, this email got my attention because the challenge presented to me in it was a valid one. How dare I tell "average" people that they should expect to earn the right to "never settle"? Come on now, seriously--what kind of Pollyanna advice is THAT?

How does an AVERAGE person deserve a SUPERIOR partner?

Fortunately, I'm up to the challenge. And because I know you want practical answers from me instead of philosophical musings, here is the bulletized list you've come to expect:

1) Kill The Word "Average"

...And resort to Weapons Of Mass Destruction if that's what it takes to accomplish this in your life. Anyone who considers him or herself "average" (let alone "below average") is acknowledging defeat before even attempting to deserve. Unfortunately, most of the six billion of us on this planet are shockingly willing to accept mediocrity. After all, it's effortless. Therefore, we all run the risk of being charmed into living that lie.

Yes, I said "lie". We allow ourselves to sleep our way through life, and in doing so we never even sniff reaching our potential. Knowing that the MAJORITY of people passively watch life from the sidelines, ACTIVELY doing something to promote excellence in your own reality pulls you by the collar out of the realm of the "average" BY DEFINITION. Do you see how that works?

Years ago a great speaker named Bruce Thielemann borrowed a phrase originally coined by pro surfer Phil Edwards to refer to the apathetic masses, referring to them as "legions of the unjazzed". His point was that most humans let the most powerful and meaningful aspects of what life has to offer slip quietly away having "pampered themselves into mediocrity". What powerful language to let nest in your soul.

Unhitch yourself from the "unjazzed" crowd today, and begin deserving better immediately.

2) Your Presumptions Of Inadequacy May Point To Arrogance

You look in the mirror and see "average". Realize, right here and right now that your opinion has zero to do with mine or anyone else's on the subject. Just because you are not your own "type" does not mean you are free to arrogantly presume your world view upon anyone else, let alone EVERYONE else.

3) Don't Drink The Media's Purple Kool-Aid

Cult leader Jim Jones infamously is associated with poisonous purple Kool-Aid. Sometimes I can't help but think that the media is serving us a steady diet of a similar potion when it comes to having us believe what "not settling" means, exactly. I have dated women whom I thought were fantastically beautiful who were disgusted by their own appearance. They were not "supermodels", so they were therefore displeased. The irony here is that guys who share my personal preferences aren't attracted to "supermodels" anyway. We're attracted to women who are more like many of these women who wish they were supermodels. That is to say, we are attracted at least until they express how displeased they are with themselves. NEVER discount the power of your own confidence, or lack thereof. Which drives the next point home...

4) Live Up To Your Own Design Specs

I was going to go with "Do The Best With What You've Got" here, but that concept falls way short of the meaning behind the heading I chose. Why? Simply put, there is NOTHING more amazing than to meet someone who has clearly maximized who he or she is. So many people are not doing this. Over the next few days, pay attention to the people around you. In your mind, give thought to who just isn't at their best. Meanwhile, open your eyes to who seems exceptional to you and how their own personal effort has likely affected that.

One time I met a woman who habitually mesmerized nearly all men who met her. Sure, she was fashionable, clean and well-groomed. But her sense of humor, confident presence and feminine charm set her apart as truly mind-blowing. Note that ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER HER FULL CONTROL. As I got to know her, she shared how she grew up in poverty and was told she was "ugly" throughout her childhood. Yet now she was a successful businesswoman who had her pick of the sharpest men around. Finally it occurred to me that if she had been anywhere close to as apathetic as the "legions of the unjazzed" I probably would never have even noticed her. Nor would have the majority of other men, I'm guessing. She was not superlative by accident. "Accidentally", as it were, she would have been "average". But she wasn't.

5) Know Thyself

Hey wait a minute, who are these people you are thinking would "never want you" anyway? Are these people you even truly WANT to deserve? The more you date effectively, the more you are going to realize how valid the concept of "perfect imperfection" is. I've written about this general concept elsewhere, of course, but the correlation to today's point is absolutely crucial. We as human beings are typically attracted to people we can relate to. If you are living by the tenets presented above, I can quite nearly GUARANTEE you will be wildly attracted to the self-actualized opposite sex version of yourself. Why would you not be? Give this concept a test drive. If you have learned to deserve what you want, you will soon be graced with the knowledge of who it is you actually DO want. And wait until you figure out you DO deserve that person. That's the best news there is.

Remember the "highest echelon on Earth" is subject to YOUR definition. Have a clear understanding of that, and your efforts to deserve what you want will be focused and therefore highly effective. And those efforts will produce magical results. Guaranteed.

http://www.singlescafe.net/partner-of-my-dreams.html?authorname=Scot%20McKay

Three Laws of Attraction Every Guy Has to Know

Interesting quote, but what does this mean to us guys? In short, women are conditioned to respond to certain signals, traits, and physical characteristics. It is not that they CHOOSE to be attracted to bad boys, or athletes, or wealthy businessmen. Rather, evolution has conditioned them to be attracted to these types of men, because they execute the right actions and behaviors that send off attraction signals in women's brains. Talk about having chemistry!

The good news is, You don't HAVE to be wealthy, athletic, or a bad boy to successfully attract women. You just have to ACT like them. You just have to know what behaviors, attitudes, and actions they have that WORK in impressing and seducing women.

There are 10 laws of attraction every man must know, but as I only have a limited space, I'm only going to detail the first three here. For the remaining seven, check out my "How to Be Irresistible to Women: The Mastery Series" course, available at http://www.000relationships.com/mastery.

Now, onto the 3 laws of attraction!

Rule #1: Demonstrate High Social Status

There are lots of great ways to do this, including peacocking, which is a popular term for dressing up in outrageous outfits and hair styles; being energetic; and using your popularity--the principle of social proof. When women see you socializing with bartenders, managers, and club/bar owners, this proves that you are popular--and desirable.

So get to know everyone at the places you go to: the party hosts, the bartenders, the owners, the managers, everyone. When women notice you're in a position of importance and popularity, they WILL become attracted to you--even if they don't realize it!

Rule #2: Make Impressions

A great way to attract a woman is to make a memorable impressions. It doesn't matter how good you look, how tall you are, how wealthy you are--all you have to do is leave a good memory of who you are. Make a woman remember you. You can do this in a number of ways, including:

* Ask how she's doing with confidence

A simple, "Hey, what's up?" in a relaxed tone goes a long way towards making a girl remember you. This is especially effective with retail clerks and waitresses. Don't act too interested in what she has to say--just say it in a slow, cool, DEEP tone of voice that sends their emotional chemicals buzzing! Say this with a relaxed, open body and good posture. The truth is, when you understand what body language and tonality cues work, you will attract women with ease.

* TEASE her

Show your confidence in yourself by joking about a girl's hair or occupation. You can say, "Wow, you put a lot of effort into that hairstyle, huh?" or if she says she's a model or dancer, say, "Huh, just a model, eh? Well, that's nice." Acting unimpressed, ironically, will make her impressed. Girls are used to having guys fawn over them, so to do the opposite of what she expects will go a long way, to your advantage. This proves you don't need any woman's validation, to feel attractive. Hate to say it, but women want a man who doesn't need them to feel good about himself. Don't believe anything else.

* Joke About Other Guy's Failure

This is a great technique where you can use other guys' pickup failures to your advantage. If a guy says something really cheesy or stupid, just say to her, "Man, you must get that all the time." Or just go up to her and say, "See that guy over there? He's got the WORST BO in the world!"

Find out more methods, including how to make her laugh and tell great stories, by ordering my Mastery Course now. You can start with the free How to Be Irresistible to Women six-part audio course and move from there.

Rule #3: Be Funny in An Attractive, Cocky Way

As you can tell from the methods above, humor is great way of attracting women. Women just seem to love laughing, and when you think about it, you can't blame them: Who wants to be with a boring guy? Especially if they're thinking of settling down with a guy in a relationship, they want a guy who can keep things interesting, humorous, and not too serious. Humor does just that. Some great ways to make a girl laugh include:

Self-Deprecation

This is where karaoke is great--you can poke fun at yourself and be a clown. It shows you're comfortable with yourself, fun, and not too serious.

Wit

As long as you don't use it against her too much, wit can be a great thing. It shows intelligence and humor.

Observational Humor

Observing funny things like a clumsy waiter or a guy whose face looks like his dog's is a great way of making a girl laugh.

Exaggeration

Telling a great story and showcasing how ridiculous something was, is a surefire way to leave an impression. Having a lot of anecdotes ready to tell a girl is a great way of making an impression, and attracting her.

Cocky comedy

This amazing technique, pioneered by David DeAngelo, is an incredible way of both demonstrating high social status, and of making her laugh. Generally, you want to break her balls and BREAK HER STATE. Take her out of her element, tease her in front of her group. Show that you don't need her, and especially that you don't need her for self-validation. Very powerful stuff, and something I discuss in detail in my audio lesson on Building Higher Status.

There are all kinds of additional ways to attract women, and truthfully, not enough can be written on the subject. But this should give you a start to your understanding of what women want. To find out more, check out my dynamic "How to Be Irresistible to Women: The Mastery Series" course on how to attract the women YOU want.

It's YOUR turn to begin an exciting, successful new lifestyle!

http://www.singlescafe.net/three-laws-of-attraction.html?authorname=James%20Brito

3 Things Men Can't Resist in a Woman

1) A Woman Who Smiles (More powerful than you might realize)

A woman who smiles makes it easier for a man to approach her by conveying an attitude of confidence and playfulness. Since many women are fearful of giving men the "wrong impression" they frequently guard their smiles. While that approach is safer, it inadvertently sends the message of being someone who is overly cautious.

In addition, smiling is a sign of acceptance. Men often need some signal that it is safe to approach a woman before there're willing to a risk introduction themselves (unless they are intoxicated).

2) A Woman who Listens (and doesn't dominate the conversation)

Men rarely get listened to, at least not beyond a few minutes. Most of the time that is all men really need, but since most men hate to be rejected, it is easier for them to keep conversations superficial. They expect most women to want to talk rather than be willing to listen.

If they happen to meet a woman who listens with her eyes (looks at him while he's talking) as well as her ears, they are intrigued. Then, if she continues to listen and not take over the conversation, well, that's the kind of woman that men can't resist, and eventually marry.

3) A Woman who dresses Feminine (Men are REALLY visual)

Everyone knows that men are visual but women often forget just how helpless guys are to what they see. The right visual stimulation can hypnotize a man. Women hear this and often become fearful because the mistakenly believe that men only notice perfect women.

Forget Perfect! If you really want to be noticed by men think colors, dresses and curves. Men basically like any woman who has that soft and cuddly quality. It isn't that men don't find women attractive in pants or when they are dressed comfortably, it's that they don't notice them as easily. It doesn't catch their eye like earrings or long hair does.

Conversely, a powerfully dressed woman (think lots of red) makes most men think of sex, or not notice her at all. She may have a soft side, but if men can't see it, they often don't know it exist. The more feminine (softer) a woman dresses; the more men she will attract.

http://www.singlescafe.net/things-men-can-not-resist.html?authorname=Bob%20Grant,%20L.P.C.

Flirting Tips For Guys

Most women are really good at flirting and know how to do it, but when it comes to guys, they usually have no clue. Here are 16 different flirting tips for guys that will help you get the girl.

The key is that you want to be competitive with women, but playfully competitive. If you can manage this, you will be more successful with women than you ever thought you could be.

16 Flirting Tips to Memorize

1. When she says that she is a good girl, tell her you only like bad girls.
2. When you are playing a game, make a bet on the outcome. Cheat if you have to win!
3. When you are watching a movie, throw popcorn at her.
4. When she is lying down, tickle her arms, legs and stomach.
5. When she tells you she likes a shirt, tell her that you think it looks terrible.
6. When she says she wants to go home, tell her that you don't want to go home with her, because you hardly know her. Imply that she is a bad girl.
7. When she says something is cool, give her a weird look.
8. When she is sitting next to you on the bed, give her a push off of it.
9. When she sits down next to you, scoot away from her.
10. When she is talking to you, take the hat right off of her head, and don't give it back.
11. When she tries to convince you that she is cool, call her a dork.
12. When she does something (anything!), stick your tongue out at her.
13. When she says something is ugly, tell her how much you like it.
14. When she says that she likes a particular actor, claim that she has a crush on him.
15. When she puts her hand on your leg, give her a strange look like she is coming on to you.
16. When she does something embarrassing, act like you are going to walk away.

Why These Tips Work

If you are confused, don't worry! Here's why these tips work.

Women communicate indirectly. This means that when she hits you or teases you, it actually means that she likes you and wants to learn more about you.

Don't stop being competitive with her. You can't do too much of this, so don't worry. If you keep up this emotion, you'll have her interested in your mystery.

Don't say that you are sorry. If you tell her that she looks dorky in that shirt one minute and then apologize for it a second later, you are going to lose the interest she is giving you really quickly.

Why shouldn't you apologize? The second that you say you are sorry, you lose a bit of the interest and intrigue that she had for you. If she starts wanting you to compliment her by asking you if her hair looks good, don't act impressed. She's testing you to see if you are just putting on an act.

What to Say?

Another of the important flirting tips for guys is that there is nothing that is right to say. Every guy has a different style, and it is up to you to find out what your style is.

When you are talking to her, a woman is looking for some of the personality traits that she wants in a man. When you realize this, you will be able to come up with great conversations. Remember, that you want to show your confidence of what you are saying when you are talking to a woman.

Don't forget that there are many other factors that will determine if a girl is interested in you or not. Here are some of the reasons a girl may not be interested in guys:

• Has just gotten out of a bad relationship
• Be sick of dating, and want a break from everyone.
• Be dating someone else
• Not be attracted to guys

Believe me when I say that you really learn a lot more when a conversation or flirting attempt on a beautiful woman goes wrong. What you need to do is get a journal and write down how each interaction went, so you can learn from your mistakes and track your progress.

The best of the flirting tips for guys is to always act playfully competitive when you are talking to women. If you can manage this, you will be able to get women to be attracted to you.

http://www.singlescafe.net/flirting-tips-for-guys.html?authorname=Chris%20Williamson

How To Get a Girl To Fall in Love With You

If you can't stop thinking about her, her name gives you chills and your heart pounds every time you see her, you are in love. Now, it is important to ensure that you know how to get a girl to fall in love with you and keep her. There are some important steps in making sure that you get her and keep her. Consider this article your wake up call.

Connecting With People

It is important to build healthy relationships with others. Especially the girl of your dreams. There is a little thing called rapport and you should take the definition very seriously. Rapport is an open, positive and healthy way of communicating with another person. This type of relationship is not only important with your girl, but also everyone else in your life as well.

Those that are good at building rapport will have an excellent relationship with others. The way that you establish this kind of relationship with your love is to keep a playful flirtation going while you share information with her. This way you are making her feel good and enhancing the sexual attraction as well as letting her into your heart. This is important to women, you have to share secrets with them.

The Biggest Mistake Guys In Love Make

Most men develop a rapport with a woman based on a friendship first, which often times fails miserably. You want to capitalize on that sexual attraction, then work on being friends as well. Never start as "just friends" it sends the wrong message and then the woman does not want to lose her friend by becoming your girlfriend. So, avoid this deadly trap at all costs.

How to get a girl to fall in love with you is simple. It is a mix of flirting, sharing and staying with it. Another common mistake is that men will give up at the first sign of any problem. Do not give up. Lay on the flirting tactfully, but heavily. Make sure that she knows you are interested and build that attraction.

Another common mistake is that men will have a lack of words and conversation pieces so they turn to demographics, which is a conversation killer. Share personal information with her such as hobbies, interests, dreams and what you are hoping for in 5 years, but never bore her. Keep her enticed by showing her your playful personality, great communication skills and best of all your indulgence in her. So to recap, keep the flirting, keep the personal conversation and lose the demographics.

Getting A Women Fall In Love With You

Hopefully you have already established a flirtation that has led to a sexual attraction on her part. If not, you may need to try something new. If she is unresponsive, it may be because she is desirable and you have lots of competition with other men. You may need to move on to dating someone else, learning the ropes in the mean time. By dating other women that have similar qualities you are learning. This will help and also it will make you look more desirable, and that is what women like. They want something that is in demand, so don't be too easy or answering her every beck and call.

When you have moved on, she will feel as if she has lost you. This will spark her interest and she may begin pursuing you. This will let her know that you are much more than someone's friend. You are a hot guy that others desire!

The Skill Of Attracting Women

Attracting a woman is an ongoing process. It is a building process and does not happen over night. First, establishing a good solid flirty relationship, let her know that you are interested. Flirting peaks sexual desire! Second, keep the interest by sharing personal information with her, let her in a bit. And, lastly do not run at the first thing, keep trying, hang in there. Soon you will find that you have mastered how to get a girl to fall in love with you.

http://www.singlescafe.net/get-girl-love-you.html?authorname=Chris%20Williamson

Modern Khatba?

It never occurred to Zeinab that happiness was just a finger-click away. She had just turned 28 and her parents were fretting about her single status. It wasn't that suitors were scarce, simply that arranged marriages were not working out. "The chemistry," Zeinab said, was missing.

"I was not ready to marry anyone I felt half- hearted about just to fit in," shared Zeinab. "I wanted a real soul-mate."

She decided, instead, to venture onto the Net in search of Mr Perfect.

"My parents were sceptical and worried but they also knew I would never do anything wrong or irrational," she recalls. "One good thing about Net marriage services is that they allow you to choose characteristics you want in a prospective spouse from a wide range of options. Which is good for picky people like me."

It was not all smooth surfing though -- many men use the Web to find girlfriends, rather than potential spouses, or else are just fooling around.

"Many turned out to be liars; many were already married with kids," she said. "Some were just seeking a girlfriend; and there were those holding back information about serious illness or disability."

After six months of failed attempts Zeinab logged onto the local version of global matchmaker. "Find your perfect match" sites -- catering solely to Egyptians.

She e-mailed the "man who looked perfectly eligible" and the following day received a response. Two months later they decided to meet.

"We liked each other at first sight," Zeinab says, smiling. "I was surprised he was more handsome than his photo and I admired his respectable attitude. I felt so comfortable and happy and he immediately contacted my parents to propose."

Today, two years and a baby girl later, Zeinab insists Khaled "is the right person for her". And as a consequence she has made it her mission to help other singleton friends find their soul-mates.

It's simple, she says: "If you are mature enough and know how to use your mind then the Internet can help you find your match."

Online love is nothing new. But it is only recently, however, that sites have started to target Arab and Muslim communities, catering specifically to their needs.

THE MARRIAGE PROBLEM:

In Egypt, many NGOs and computer centres providing matchmaking services have appeared on the scene, placing tantalising advertisements in newspapers and magazines. On the Internet dating and matchmaking services have proliferated, with many specialising in Muslim and Arab marriages, promising those "sick of hanging out in clubs and tired of waiting to find that special someone" that "soul-mates really exist".

These services have boomed to the extent that the stigma they once attracted is now almost negligible, especially among Muslim communities where dating is not religiously accepted. Today, the US-based www.Zawaj.com, one of the perhaps most popular Muslim matrimonial sites, boasts 35,000 registered members, 5,500 active profiles and overall Web traffic of 2,800,000 page views per month and 160,000 unique monthly visitors. Launched in 2002, www.MuslimMatch.com has attracted 47,648 members and 1,500 first-time visitors.

The boom, however, has not been without its critics. It has given rise to controversial fatwas from Islamic scholars around the world. While some dwell on the hazards of chat, most-recently Al-Azhar's Mufti Ali Gomaa issued a religious edict "allowing" marriage through online and computer matrimonial services on condition that the girls' parents are kept informed.

One reason why more Egyptians are tapping into technology to access an alternative spouse pool is that marriage, as everybody seems to agree, is a problem, especially for the middle class. Official figures confirm this perception. According to the Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS), marriage contracts declined from 579,000 in 2001 to 513,000 in 2002 while divorce cases increased from 68,000 in 2001 to 70,000 in 2002. The percentage of those tying the knot dropped from 64.8 per cent to 61.2 per cent of all people at marriageable age in the period between 1986 and 1996, during which the latest CAPMAS national census (done every 10 years) was conducted. The CAPMAS census also showed that the number of unmarried people increased from 25.7 per cent to 27.8 per cent within the same period.

The reasons, for the most part, are unemployment and financial problems, skyrocketing prices and parental demands. There are difficulties finding an apartment and scraping together enough for a wedding and the bare necessities of life "a deux".

But cyber matchmaking could also be seen as symptomatic of a different social take on marriage. Whereas not so long ago young women would heartily adhere to the old Egyptian saying "the shadow of a man is better than that of a wall", today both young men and women take marriage more seriously -- or at least differently -- which has given a new spin on the traditional matchmaking process.

Many young women, already in paying jobs, are no longer interested only in financial support or in getting married to fit in. Today, according to sociologist Ali Fahmi, "both girls and boys seek a marriage based on love, personal fulfilment and mutual understanding." Which, Fahmi added "has become increasingly difficult in light of the already burgeoning financial crisis".

Tareq Mahmoud, a 35-year-old software team leader, remains undaunted after three years of failed attempts to find a match on almost all matrimonial Web sites. "It is all about being selective," Mahmoud said confidently. "I don't want to marry any woman. I could not find my match in my immediate circle, so I decided to widen my sphere by posting an ad on the Net. It's very difficult to find a real soul-mate, but if marriage does not add value to my life, then there is absolutely no need for it."

Egyptian-American Wael AbdelGawad, the administrator of www.Zawaj.com, told Al-Ahram Weekly by e-mail that "many people who use online matrimonial services have not had any luck with the usual methods of seeking a spouse." Which is why AbdelGawad insists "online matrimonial sites represent a revolution in the way Muslims can meet future partners," helping them break their "own small circle of family and friends" and search "the entire world to find the one partner who is perfectly matched".

"You cannot keep on waiting for a miracle for that special someone to come flying into your life," said 22-year-old Heba Fadel, who met her husband, Ahmed, through a chat programme. "You cannot imitate the West and just meet someone in a bar/restaurant and start dating. You either opt for the khatba, which is stupid and superficial, or you end up opting for the last resort of Internet relationships, however risky they may be."

Heba, who is happily married with a baby girl, contends that meeting someone on the Internet engenders a deeper relationship than in organised marriages, which are based on physical looks. "If a girl gets an aaris (suitor) and she doesn't like his nose or his kersh (big tummy) or whatever, she will send him away without even knowing what his personality is like," Heba explained. "The Internet would take that physical attraction away, giving the couple a chance to fall in love before the bodies do. You get to know the person and the way he thinks, his dreams, ambitions and what he wants to do with his life. Eventually when you meet the guy, you don't mind if he's fat, lanky, too tall or too short. You just love him for who he is. He becomes perfect for you."

THE PITFALLS:

But the Internet has also proved a tortuous path for many -- a mysterious world ridden with dangers -- not least heartbreaks, broken marriages and, in some extreme cases, crime.

"Initially, you don't know if the other party is being honest about anything, whether it is his/her character, appearance, education, or past," AbdelGawad said. "A person might have a serious disability and may conceal it as long as possible. A photograph could be old or doctored. Or he may really believe he is something special when in reality he is a jerk."

Yasmine, 23, ended up with a broken heart when her Turkish friend, with whom she fell in love on the Net, broke off the relationship.

"Initially, I was chatting for fun and it was he who developed it into an emotional relation and even discussed marriage with me," Yasmine recounts. "But when we met in Cairo it seems he did not like me at all and our online chemistry suddenly vanished. He has disappeared since the time we met, and when I asked him for an explanation he claimed he never intended to marry me in the first place. I was so hurt and regretted not having listened to my friends' repeated warnings."

Heba had similar experience on the Net before she met Ahmed. "The biggest mistake a person could do on the Internet is to discuss marriage before they even meet the person, as the Internet is like a mask, a screen, the good stuff is filtered through and the bad stuff isn't," Heba said. "You end up living in a Platonic love dream that makes you feel that life is sweet and everyone lives on clouds and feeds on pure fruits from each other hands. A person should also ask for a photo. Two people could have an amazing chemistry online but when they meet, the picture in their head for the physical appearance is wrong and leads to a failed relationship before it even starts."

Online chemistry convinced Mona (not her real name), but her marriage to an Egyptian chat friend, who was working in the Gulf, ended in divorce.

"It was a big mistake," Mona said with a sigh. "I simply found he was a completely different person than the one I met on the Net. He was a big liar."

THE FATALITIES:

In one case, online passion ended up with the murder of 29-year-old US resident Sherine Sabri at the hands of her chat pal Hani Zakariya, 30, in Cairo on 29 January. Divorced with a child, Sabri's online crush on Zakariya brought her all the way to Egypt, leaving her daughter behind. An increasingly jealous Zakariya told the police he lost his temper and killed Sabri after she insisted she wanted to visit her daughter in the US, where her ex-husband also lives.

Consultant psychiatrist Khalil Fadel warns that cyberspace usually provides "false electronic intimacy" and, more importantly perhaps, is a perfect venue for "pathological liars, who enjoy lying very much, and imagine they are heroes, creating their own illusory kingdoms on the Net."

"The Internet provides those who fear intimacy the chance to hide behind screens and in chat rooms and exchange the best of themselves with the other," Fadel explained. "Online communication helps those who are emotionally-deprived or are unable to establish relationships in life to get emotionally fulfilled through a fictitious love relationship."

Joseph Walther, an associate professor of communication, social psychology and information technology, agrees that Web communication can create illusory fulfilment, arguing that it is "nearly impossible for people to live up to such an artificially high, idealised range of expectations."

In a study entitled Cyberspace Couples Finding Romance Online Then Meeting for the First Time in Real Life, Andrea Baker, an associate professor of sociology at Ohio University, noted that cyber advantages "include a wider pool of people with common interests and the ability to get to know something about others before judging their compatibility based upon physical presentation".

In the study, conducted with a sample of 76 couples who met online, Baker found that people who meet online tend to move into serious relationships.

"In my study I found that people who meet online and fall in love tend to marry within a year to 18 months," he wrote.

TIPS FOR SUCCESS:

Fadel argues, however, that the Internet can help online couples get to know one another only when they are honest, balanced and normal. And he stresses that at some point in the relationship "eye-to-eye contact is essential".

AbdelGawad has equally important tips for those interested in online matchmaking: take it slowly. Communicate anonymously, and give out your personal contact information only when you are ready. Ask for references, including family, friends, or the local imam. Call these people. Talk to them. Or, if your family is supporting your search, have one of your family members check the references. If possible, arrange a meeting between you, him, and both your families, or with your walli (for women).

"These precautions can neutralise any risk," AbdelGawad said. "After all, once you've talked to his references and met his family, what's the difference where you initially found one another?"

"My final bit of advice for matrimonial advertisers is that as much as it is important to take it slow, it is equally important to open your heart," AbdelGawad added. "The right person for you, the one that Allah has destined for you, is out there, but you will never meet him or her unless you are willing to share something of yourself. Be brave. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness. Don't look for the one who is perfect, but for the one who is right. So be bold and take a chance."

http://www.zawaj.com/articles/modern_khatbah.html

Make a date with "Matchmaker"

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - She might not be Dr. Phil, but Patti Novak -- a Buffalo, N.Y., matchmaker working without an army of producers -- easily could match his talent for sizing people up quickly and then offering the no-nonsense tips they need for dating and relationships.

What's more, her case files in A&E's "Confessions of a Matchmaker" are filled with real people who have real problems finding someone to love. They could well be your Cousin Minnie or your Uncle Harry.

Patti, whose office is as plain as the advice she dispenses, is part diplomat and part life coach. Her business is a beacon for people who are shy, emotionally fragile and unsure of themselves. In the premiere, she seeks out a match for Charly, 52, a former Mr. Nude Universe who now tips the scales at 346 pounds. Then there's Ashley, a shapely 22-year-old who sabotages her quest for Mr. Right by making herself look chiseled and cheap.

Patti believes there's someone out there for everyone, but, of course, no matchmaking service is always successful. What matters most is her spirit and refreshing honesty.

http://www.reuters.com/article/televisionNews/idUSN1421152920070615